


Never Alone

by demonsweat



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Angst, Ass-Kicking, Don-centric, Drama, Explicit Language, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Originally Posted on deviantART, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 00:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2045514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsweat/pseuds/demonsweat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secrets have a way of gnawing away at the soul.  Don's been living with his for so long, it may just consume him ... if it doesn't destroy his family first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The TMNT and TMNT universe are copyright Nickelodeon and Viacom Entertainment, based on characters created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. This story is non-profit and free to the fans.
> 
> A/N: I published this one back in 2010 for a contest on deviantArt. Donatello is often portrayed as the most isolated of the four, tinkering around solo and thinking on levels the others can't compete with. I always found that to be a little sad in a way and wondered if he wasn't a bit lonely growing up. So I decided to explore that a little bit with um ... even sadder results. Buckle in, this one's a tearjerker. 
> 
> Awards:  
> 1st place in dA contest "Donatello Tells His Brothers A Story" for fangroup #DonatellosPlace  
> 1st place in 2010 Stealthy Stories comp for Best Romance (note: technically a young friendship in flashbacks, not a romance)  
> 2nd place in 2010 Stealthy Stories comp for Best Action/Adventure  
> HMs in 2010 Stealthy Stories comp for Best Villain and Best OC

The night was cold and Donatello shivered inside his clothes. He dug his hands deeper into the pockets of his hooded sweatshirt, his favorite, embroidered with a small symbol on the breast in the form of a caffeine molecule. He rarely saw other humans in the junkyard when scavenging for parts these days but if years of living in shadow had taught them anything, it was that you could never be too careful.

Tonight’s chill in the air meant he would’ve bundled up regardless. Winter was fast approaching and though they hadn’t seen snow yet, it was sure to come any day now. Don had checked and re-checked their generators and heating system in preparation and was satisfied that they would be fine in the coming months. He did however, mean to have a substantial cache of replacement parts just in case. Winter in New York City was harsh enough above ground; trying to brave it in the cold of the sewer tunnels below was almost absurd. 

He thought back to how happy Master Splinter had been when he’d first started piecing together their current system. The first pass had been a hack job but it was enough to keep their old lair (which was much smaller than the current one) warm enough. He smiled a little at the memory. His master had showered him with so much praise it had made his brothers a little jealous even. He took in a lot of teasing for it back then but after a while, as he built more and more comforts into their home, they began to come around. The teasing never exactly stopped, mind you–but his siblings also showed their gratitude fairly often as well. Though he found himself often annoyed at their constant requests, he did have to admit it was satisfying to see how happy Michelangelo was with a new game system, or how Raphael’s eyes would light up when his bike was back in working order. His oldest brother, on the other hand, wasn’t impressed so much by the entertaining gadgets; instead looking more to the ones that aided them in battle. But Leo was perhaps the most vocal of them in his praise and it made Don feel good when his big brother was proud of him.

Donatello breathed deep, letting the cold air sting his sinuses. The memories of old times were good, but tainted by another. Being here, at this time of year-it always brought back that same image. He’d kept the secret for five long years now. He thought by now he would’ve felt better, that time would’ve made it easier, but if anything it was just the opposite. He shivered again. If it hadn’t been a necessity, he never would’ve returned here to the junkyard at all. Taking another deep breath, he closed his eyes and let it out, pushing the memories away and setting to work.

**\----------------------------------**

Leo was in the dojo meditating when he heard Michelangelo and Raphael enter the lair. He took a few breaths and gradually came up, careful not to rush. He stood slowly and stretched, heading towards the entrance to greet them. "Hey," he greeted them. "How’d it go?”

“Alright I guess,” Raph replied. “Got two tanks full, but it took forever.” There were two heavy-looking gas tanks sitting on the floor at their feet, full of freshly-siphoned gasoline for the generators.

Michelangelo stretched, taking off his sweatshirt. “Man, feels good to be back in the nudist colony.”

“It ain’t exactly hot in here, ya know.” Raphael frowned at him. True, the lair was heated but the generators used a lot of fuel and they had to be careful with the rationing. Raph and Leo were both clothed head to toe, as they often were in the colder season.

“I know, but I can never get used to wearing clothes. It just feels weird, like, claustrophobic. I need to be free, baby–free and naked.” With that, he whipped off his pants and boots in a grand gesture and stood there flexing. “Ahhh … much better.”

“You're gonna freeze t'death.” Raphael grunted, adding, “Might as well do us the favor.”

Michelangelo ignored the comment. “Hey, you guys think that’s weird? That we don’t wear clothes usually? I mean, it’s kinda good when we’re fighting and stuff, I guess they’d just get in the way.” He looked up, thinking. “April and Casey probably think it’s weird.”

Raphael shoved the younger turtle. “We’re not humans, dummy. We don't got human parts that need coverin’.”

“Yeah, but Master Splinter always wears his robe.”

“Yeah? You tryin’ to tell us you don’t know the difference between a rat an’ a turtle?”

“I guess. But he’s got fur, right?” Michelangelo grinned wide. “I mean, it sorta covers up his-”

“Mike!” Leonardo cut him off. “I know Don has already explained our anatomy to you so let’s just move on, okay?” He sighed tiredly, rubbing his temple. “C’mon, let’s get these into the lab.” He bent and picked up one of the tanks.

Michelangelo laughed, picking up the other tank. “Aw, what’s the matter Leo? Are you imagining Master Splinter in the nude? Hm? You ever see him just coming out of the shower? When his fur's all smoothed down ..."

“Raph,” Leo said, walking away, “help me out here."

“My pleasure.” 

_“Ow!”_ Mike stumbled forward, tripping over himself. “Aw, c’mon Leo! You don’t gotta sick Raph on me … sheesh.” Pouting, he followed his oldest brother into the lab, rubbing the sore spot on the back of his head in the process. Raphael let out an evil laugh. Since he was in front of them, Leo didn’t have to try and hide the smile on his own face.

**\----------------------------------**

“Donnie?” Leonardo set down one of the tanks and looked around. “Don, you here?” There was no answer. “Guess he’s not back yet.” He frowned, turning towards the others. “I didn’t hear him come in, but I was pretty deep in meditation. Thought maybe I just missed him.”

Raphael knew that Leo liked to keep tabs on them (did he ever) and could hear the concern in his older brother’s voice. “Relax Fearless, it hasn't been that long. He's probably on his way.”

“He left before you guys did.” Leo put his hand to his chin. The gears were turning. Raph was right, it hadn’t been long enough to go looking for the absent turtle, yet he still couldn’t help but worry. 

“He always takes forever in that place,” Raph added. “S’like geek heaven for him.”

“I know, but that doesn’t excuse his tardiness. He should call, at least.” Leo was about to pull his phone when they heard the door. “There he is,” he grumbled.

They all walked out to meet him. Michelangelo ran up excitedly, his eyes lighting up with anticipation. “Donnie! How’s my favorite brother? You find any good junk?” He began poking around in the box at Don’s feet. “Like maybe a busted-but-fixable game cartridge or two?”

Don looked up at them, speaking softly. “Sorry Mikey, not this time.” 

Ordinarily, this response would’ve prompted an over-animated series of disappointed groans and wails from the youngest but Don’s tone was so strange, his demeanor so odd that Mike found himself shocked into a rare moment of speechlessness. The two eldest turtles exchanged a look.

Leo spoke first. “Don? You okay? Is something wrong?”

“Hm?” Don looked up from untying his boots. “Oh, uh … I’m fine. Just cold, I guess.”

“You were supposed to be back hours ago.” Leo had to reprimand him, but he was careful not to sound too harsh. Something about Don didn’t seem right and his instincts were telling him to tread easy right now. Donatello didn’t respond to the question, instead focusing more on removing his boots. Only he wasn’t exactly looking at the boots; he was staring off into space, his hands moving the laces robotically. Leonardo tried again. “Don?”

“Hm?” Donatello repeated. “Sorry Leo, did you say something?”

Leo frowned. “I said you’re late. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Don stood back up. He looked tired, haggard even. “I just lost track of time. I should’ve called.” He sighed, long and deep. Without looking at them, he apologized again. “Sorry. I think I might be coming down with something. I’m going to go lay down for a while.” With that, he walked towards his room.

“Oh well ... alright. Just–just get some rest, then.” Leo said weakly. 

When Donatello was gone, Mike spoke up. “Man, what’s with him?”

“You heard him, he ain’t feeling well. Prob’ly picked up a cold,” Raph said, not sounding entirely convinced himself. Addressing the youngest again, he barked, “So don’t go botherin’ him.”

“What? I’m not gonna. Besides, I’ve got you on my annoyance schedule today.” He grinned at Raphael stupidly from the floor, where he was still sitting.

Crossing his arms, Raphael sneered at him. “Lucky me.” He looked over at Leo then, who was still staring off in the direction that Donatello had gone. Leo didn’t say anything but it was obvious from the look on his face that he wasn’t satisfied with Donatello’s excuse. “Relax Leo, he’s fine. No need to get your panties in a wad.”

“I don’t know Raph, I wonder. Call me crazy, but I seem to remember him getting like this last year around this time. And the year before. Maybe even before that.”

“Like what?” Mike cocked his head, looking up from the box he was still rifling through.

“I don’t know … distracted I guess. Distant. More than usual, that is.” Don was often daydreaming, drowning out the world around him while formulas and theories played in his head. This however, was different, and Leo knew it. “He seems … upset about something. Unhappy, maybe.”

“Ah, s’probably just the weather. Whattaya call it–‘seasonal depression’ or somethin’. Some people just really hate the cold, y’know? I can relate.” To emphasize, Raphael dug his hands further into the pockets of his hooded jacket.

“I don’t think so. And besides, that has more to do with the sun, I think. That hardly applies to us." He scanned the room, thinking. "The lair is comfortable enough. Surely you remember the good old days before we had heating?”

“Oh man,” Mike groaned. “No thanks. Sleeping all in the same bed to stay warm … ugh. I still have nightmares of Raph's 'nocturnal emissions'.”

Raph chuckled. “Yeah and with your mouth runnin’ all night long, it's a wonder any of us got to sleep at all.” 

“Hey! That’s not true. I was always the first asleep!”

“Hmph.” Raphael had that look, like he was amused but maintaining his solidity. “I didn’t say you were _awake_ when you were talkin’.” 

Mike’s eyes went wide. “What? Are you saying I used to talk in my sleep?”

Raphael exchanged a quick look with their leader before responding. “Used to? Ya still do, dummy. You mean ya didn’t know?” Raph’s face was beginning to twist into a devilish grin.

“No waaay ...” Mike looked at Leo for support. Leonardo was still troubled over Donatello's odd behavior, but he had to smile. He just nodded his head at the youngest. “I can’t believe you guys never told me!”

“We just thought you knew," Leo said. "That is actually pretty funny." Nevertheless, he maintained his composure. Raphael, on the other hand, broke into hearty laughter. 

“Oh man. So uh, what do I say, anyways?” 

“Wouldn’t _you_ like to know.” Raph teased. “I guess we could always record ya. Maybe I already have.”

“No you didn’t.” But Mike looked worried. Again, he looked to his oldest brother for assurance. “Did he?”

“Don’t worry Mike, you don’t say anything differently in your sleep than you say when you’re awake," Leo said absently. Turning away from the conversation, he again looked off deep in thought.

"Well that's a relief. But I guess it makes sense. It's not like I really keep a lotta secrets." He cocked both thumbs towards himself. "This guy? An open book all the way, baby. I mean, I have some great dreams though. There's this one where I'm like, this secret government agent, and everyone in the world knows I'm awesome, right? And then there's this really hot chick with an eyepatch giving me missions ..." Mike went on, but at that point he was talking to himself. Both brothers tuned him out as he continued to ramble in the background, oblivious.

With their maniacal brother forgotten, Raphael turned his attention to their leader. Instead of chastising Leo for worrying again, Raph was now beginning to share in his concern. The previous moment's laughter forgotten, his tone became suddenly serious. “You really think somethin’s wrong with Donnie?”

_"... and then the zombies are everywhere! I'm blowing heads off left and right tryin' not to get chewed on ...”_

Leo didn’t look at him, keeping his eyes locked towards Don’s room. “Yeah. I do. Before, I just thought he was stressed out about the weather. You know, it’s a lot of work for him to keep this place warm through the winter. People die every year. And you know we’re more susceptible. I thought if we helped him out a little more this time it might ease the strain.” He suddenly looked back at Raphael. “But that’s not it. I don’t know what’s going on with him but I think it’s something big.”

_"... but I'm all like, 'sorry babe, I gotta go save the world'-that's when the genetically engineered monsters burst out of their containment units and ..."_

Raphael thought for a minute before responding. Leo's constant concern for his younger siblings was a thorn in Raph's side more often than not, but he had to admit that their leader did possess somewhat of a sixth sense when something was wrong with one of them. Plus, he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling he was having himself. “Yeah, alright. Maybe you're right. So what do ya wanna do about it?”

_"... so then I gotta get to the station before the space cowboys show up again ... hey, are you guys even listening? Hey, guys?"_

Leo chewed his bottom lip in thought. “Mm. I’m not sure. I did try breaching the subject before but he doesn’t really seem willing to talk about whatever it is. I think I should speak with Master Splinter first.”

"Hey!"

Suddenly, both Raph and Leo looked down at the youngest. Raph snapped, "What?"

"You guys aren't listening to me!"

"Mikey," Leo said, exasperated, "not now. This is important. Try to show a little concern for once."

“Pff. Whatever." Mike pouted. "You guys are _sooo_ serious. This is dumb, let’s just go ask Donnie what's wrong, if it’s that important.” He stood up.

Raphael threw his arm out, blocking him. “Hold it, numbskull. It ain’t that simple.”

“Aw, c’mon. Why do you guys gotta be so dramatic about everything?" Mike whined. He was still a little sore at being ignored. "I’m sure you’re reading into this way too much.”

“Raph’s right, Mikey. Don can be a little … complex, sometimes. We need to approach this with some tact. And,” he went on, “if you'll forgive me, that’s not exactly your strongest suit.”

Mike shrugged. “Whatever. Me and Donnie are pretty tight, he wouldn't keep a secret from me.”

“That’s probably true,” Leo said patiently. “But I’d like to see what Sensei thinks first. Just promise me you won’t say anything quite yet. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you in the loop.” He smiled warmly at the youngest turtle.

“Well alright.” That was the end of that, or so it seemed. Although Michelangelo agreed not to interfere, as it turned out, the curiosity was just too great for him to keep his word.

**\----------------------------------**

"If the cops were doing their jobs, then it wouldn’t fall to us to save everyone,” he said bitterly. “How much can the four of us do anyways.”

“Easy, Don. You know it’s not always that simple. There’s been a lot of cutbacks lately. It was just on the news.” Leo spoke with caution, observing their genius, a little surprised at Donatello’s tone. The brothers were gathered around the television, the evening news blaring away in front of them. Just a night like any other. Watching the six-o-clock news was somewhat of a family thing they did together, checking out the latest on what was going on above ground. Not required or suggested even, they always congregated here at this time; each with his own individual reason, yet together in this. 

“Fine, great. So a bunch of bureaucrats sit around their fat cat offices making these decisions, and for what? So they can renovate another stadium or put more statues in the park? Or maybe line their own pockets some more?” He was really heating up. It didn’t make sense and his behavior was now causing an increasing look of worry on the faces of his three siblings.

“Donnie, relax. This kind of stuff happens all the time-”

“Well I’m sick of it! Who pays the price for this? Not the people making these decisions, oh no. No, it’s the people living in crime-infested areas. They’re allowing murderers to roam the streets, preying on the innocent!”

“Whoa, Donnie, dude-”

“You know what? Just forget it.” And with that, Donatello stormed out. They heard his bedroom door slam shut a few moments later.

All three brothers looked at each other in shock. Finally, Raphael said, “Now what the hell was that all about?”

“You see,” Leo said. “That’s what I’m talking about. Something’s wrong, Raph.”

“Yeah well, no kiddin’. So uh, what do we do about it? Do we … uhh ... go an’ talk to him?” Raphael looked very uncomfortable all of the sudden.

Leo sighed. “I’ve already tried. He just keeps making excuses.”

“Did ya ever talk to Sensei about it?”

“No, not yet.” Leo looked a little ashamed. “I … wanted to try and talk to Don myself first, to see if I could maybe fix this without involving Sensei after all.” He shifted in his seat. “He worries, you know?”

Suddenly, Michelangelo piped up. “Um, if I tell you guys something, will you promise not to get mad at me?”

Each of his older brothers turned and shot him a look. “What is it?” Raph said.

“Well, um … look, I know you said not to bug Donnie about this, but I just couldn’t help myself …”

Leo buried his face in his hands. “Here it comes.”

“It’s not that bad, I swear!” Mike put his hands up in defense. “I just sorta maybe saw something I wasn’t supposed to, I think.”

“Alright, spill it.” Leo sighed.

“Okay, so I sorta busted in on Donnie the other day. He was in his room, right? And I know I’m supposed to knock but I just saw a commercial for the new _God of War_ and oh man, it was so sweet. That game is blood and guts every second! And seriously, you guys-the chicks in that game are topless, no lie-”

“Mike, that’s fascinating, really. But could you get to the point?” Leo was losing his patience quickly.

“Oh, right. So, I sorta forgot to knock and when I opened the door, well … I think maybe Donnie was ... uh, I think he was crying.”

“C’mon.” Raph looked skeptical.

“No really! His eyes were red and he turned away really fast. Then he got super mad that I was there and yelled at me to get out, which he never does. I mean, he gets kinda peeved at me usually when I do that but this time was different, like I’d caught him in the act of something. Sounded like he was kind of embarrassed to me.”

“S’why I got a lock on mine.” Raph rolled his eyes.

“Believe me dude, I don’t wanna know what you do in there. But Donnie wasn’t doing anything embarrassing, he was just looking at some book.”

“What book?” Leo raised one eye ridge.

“Some science book. He snapped it shut when I came in. But um …” Mike paused for a second, looking guilty. “So here’s the part where you can’t get mad, okay?”

Both brothers again gave him the same exasperated look. “Go on.” Leo said.

“Okay well … later Donnie went to take a shower, right? So I kinda … sneaked into his room to get a look inside that book.”

“Mikey!” Leo sounded disappointed. “I can’t believe you’d do such a thing!”

“C’mon Leo! It’s not like I do it all the time. I just wanted to know what was going on with him, same as you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not resorting to snooping around his room. Major breach of trust there, little brother.”

“Alright I know, I know. Well look–do you guys wanna know what I found, or what?” Mike grumbled.

Leo looked at Raph, then back again to Mike. “You might as well tell us now, I suppose.”

“Alright. Well, at first I didn’t see anything. I thought, hey, maybe Donnie just gets really into science, ya know? I mean, I cried once over a video game. But that was some seriously sad stuff. There was this beautiful girl who like, goes with you on your whole quest, you even play as her, and she’s with you for so long–then the bad guy just kills her off right in front of you, right in the middle of the game! Totally unexpected! I mean, he was seriously a bad dude. Guy even sets your home town on fire, kills everyone you know ... it’s rough.”

“Mikey, focus.” Leo rubbed his forehead.

“Oh, right. So I’m getting ready to put the book back when this piece of paper falls out of it. It was a news article, like the ones that tell you when somebody dies.”

“An obituary?” Leo’s frustration suddenly turned to a look of worry. This wasn’t a good sign.

“Yeah, that’s it. It was some girl, just a kid. It said she was found dead in the junkyard. _Our_ junkyard–the one Donnie goes to all the time.”

Raph leaned forward, grilling him. “Who was it? What else did it say?” 

“I didn’t really have time to read it. He was coming out of the shower and I had to hurry. I think it was old though, like from a few years ago.”

Leo frowned. “This isn’t good. If Don saw something bad or was involved in something … I don’t know, it could be trouble for him. Or for all of us.”

“I doubt Donnie would put us in danger, Leo. I wouldn’t go too far with it. He’s probably just feelin’ down about all the murders and bad shit and happen around here. Like he said tonight, it’s tough watchin’ innocent people get taken down an’ feelin’ helpless to stop it.” Raphael looked at his feet. “I uh, know where he’s comin’ from.”

“We all feel that weight at one time or another,” Leo said. “But this is different. He’s been carrying something for a while, something he doesn’t want us to know about. And that’s what really concerns me more than anything-that he’s hiding whatever it is from us.”

“So what are we gonna do?” Mike looked a little worried himself, now.

“No more screwing around,” Leo said, more to himself. “I’ll talk to Sensei tonight.”


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks went by and the snow came. 

Leo looked out over the city, drinking in the sight with calm reserve. It had been a good run and his brothers had all done well to keep up during this training session, which pleased him, giving him a rare sense of accomplishment as their leader. They had stopped here on the roof of an old, industrial manufacturing plant. It was a good, quiet place to take a break before heading back home. Leo shivered as the adrenaline wore off, the chill of the air finally piercing him through the light clothing he wore, the fabric now damp with sweat. The entire area was deserted and silent, the cold and dark only fueling the isolation of this place further. 

The sudden laughter from his brothers cut the night’s stillness with the sounds of their revelry. Michelangelo and Raphael were engaged in a snowball fight a short distance away and though their noise was a bit louder than Leo felt comfortable with, he was too distracted at the moment to pay them much attention. Instead, his focus was on another; his troubled brother for whom he could not help. Again Leo felt the gnawing disappointment in himself for failing to reach their genius. Donatello stood now with his back to him, looking out towards the city in the direction of their lair. He had his staff in hand, one end on the ground as he did so often, holding it like one would hold a long walking stick. He did not move, did not speak, and was seemingly unaware of the others. Only the wind created some sort of movement, blowing his clothes about his body as if a mannequin stood inside them. It had been like this for some time. Emotionless and distant, Don separated himself from the group more and more each day. Leo couldn’t recall the last time he’d heard Don laugh or seen him smile. 

What was wrong with his brother? And why hadn’t he been able to help him? Leo knew the others were worried too, but this was eating at him the most. He was their leader and it was his job to fix this. He thought back to the talk he’d had with Master Splinter and listened to his sensei’s words again in his head, hoping to find the answer somehow.

“Sometimes, it is difficult for a child to reveal things to a parent.” 

Leonardo kneeled before his master, in Splinter’s private quarters. “Sensei, we’ve never been afraid to bring our problems to you, I think I can speak for all of us on that. Well,” he corrected himself, “except maybe Raph." He grumbled the last part, betraying his frustration towards that particular sibling.

Master Splinter chuckled good-naturedly. “You would be surprised at your brother, Leonardo. Raphael is quite open with me, even if he does not wish for the rest of you to see.” He sighed. “You all are, and that is what troubles me. Donatello is harboring a secret and I fear it is causing him harm.”

“I know. But every time I mention it, he just brushes me off.”

Master Splinter nodded. “As he does with me. I sense that he feels great shame about something and I am not confident that he will ever feel comfortable telling me what it is. As I said, the fear of a parent’s disappointment is always present in a child, whether it is warranted or not.”

“I understand Sensei. I will talk to him myself. I’m just not sure how to approach him. Like I said, he keeps telling me that nothing’s wrong.”

Splinter said nothing for a few moments, choosing his words carefully. “The four of you are very unique, not only in that you are separate from the society of humans you were born into, but also as individuals within your own family. I am pleased that you have all grown to have such distinct personalities, yet share the same morals and honor that I have tried so hard to teach. Though I love you all equally my son, I will never completely understand some of the trials you all must face. This is always the obstacle of the parent. Time moves on and age creates distance between those of different generations, whether we choose to allow it or not. 

“That being so, your brother Donatello is, at times, a difficult one to understand. You mentioned that you believed Raphael kept things from us. That is not always the case. Raphael has trouble expressing himself without anger, which may not be the most desirable method, but he does indeed express himself.”

“That’s for sure.” That same annoyed tone escaped Leo’s lips a second time.

Splinter smiled warmly at his eldest son. “And I know that it is a constant weight on you, Leonardo, as you speak to me of it more than any other thing. But I believe that Donatello keeps much to himself. It is easy for us to assume that he is content, for he is usually caught up in his work, and complains little.”

“Right. He’s never seemed … I don’t know, unhappy before. I mean, it’s always easy to tell when something’s bothering Raph. Or Mike, for that matter.”

“This is true. And I hope that I am right in assuming that you, Leonardo, speak with me when you need to.”

“Yes, Sensei. Always.”

“Good.” Splinter smiled again. “Now, as for Donatello. There is one thing between your brother and the rest of us that creates a rift and has always done so, even in the days of your youth.”

“His intelligence.”

“Correct. I admit, I rarely understand many of the things of which he speaks. While this ability of his fills my heart with pride, I have in recent years begun to feel concern as well. The five of us are cut away from the world to begin with, but Donatello is separate from us in this respect. He is alone in the way that he looks at the world and I often see that this isolation can be a burden to him at times.”

“Hm. I think I’m beginning to understand.” How many times had Don become frustrated at them for not understanding something; how many times had Leo seen the look of disappointment on his brother’s face when the rest of them couldn’t keep up? When his brothers were on his nerves, Leo always had Master Splinter to turn to. When he was feeling the pressure of leadership, afraid of his sensei’s disappointment, it was the others (mainly Donatello) that he talked to about it. Sure, Raph kept a lot of his troubles to himself but according to Master Splinter, even Raph opened up once in a while. As for Mikey ... well, Mikey didn’t really have a care in the world. Oh, but to be as carefree as Michelangelo. Leo wondered offhand how nice that must be. 

Donatello, like any of them, wasn’t without his own frustrations. There were sometimes arguments between him and Raph or Mike–hell, even Leo himself. But it usually involved things like getting in the way of his projects or Leo nagging at him to focus on his training more. Small stuff, and nothing to be genuinely concerned about. Out of the four of them, Don was easily the most patient and least confrontational. It was unlike him to be so deeply upset about anything and the cause behind it worried Leo even more for that fact alone.

“My advice to you, my son, is not to pressure your brother too much. He may not come directly to you with his problem, but I sense that he desires help. Approach this with caution and be wary of letting your own fears hinder your judgment.”

It was the same advice Master Splinter always gave when Leo was fed up with Raphael. As with those situations, Leo was feeling the stress of leadership, only this time it seemed much more serious. Raphael was a constant but he’d never had to deal with something like this from Donatello before. He nodded solemnly. “Hai Sensei. I understand.”

“Very good, my son.” Leonardo bowed and stood up. Before he left, Splinter spoke once more. “Leonardo, it may be beneficial to enlist the help of Raphael and Michelangelo as well.” Leo didn’t respond, but the face he made gave him away. Splinter laughed softly. “You must learn to look to your brothers for support in all things, not just in times of battle.”

Leo’s mouth turned up in a reluctant smile. “Yes, Master Splinter.”

**\----------------------------------**

He’d tried. He’d tried bringing it up casually at first, with the usual questions. Was Don feeling all right, was he sick? Was he focusing too much on work and missing out on sleep? Maybe he was stressing out over the generators, or maybe he just wasn’t eating enough?

Each time it was the same excuses. He was fine, maybe tired, nothing serious. No, nothing was wrong. He wasn’t sleeping well, sure–maybe too much coffee, he’d have to cut back. He’d just overdone it in training and maybe forgotten to take his vitamins. Finally Leo had had enough and cornered him. He told Don straight out that they all knew something was wrong, that Splinter was worried about him and that it was irresponsible to keep secrets from them. In his frustration, it had perhaps come out harder than Leo had intended.

As he stood here now on the rooftop, curling his toes inside his boots to keep them from freezing, Leo looked at his brother with his back to him and saw his failure there. It was the same mistake he often made with Raphael; he let the situation escalate until his own frustration came through and it quickly degenerated into an argument. Don had actually gotten angry at him, which was a rare thing for the normally calm turtle. Rarer still that he’d directed it towards Leo. He and Don were pretty close and it was almost unheard of for the two of them to get so heated at one another. And though regret was heavy on him, even heavier was that old disappointment at himself for screwing up his task as leader. His sensei had entrusted him with this and he had vowed not to let this very thing happen.

That had been two days ago. Two days and Leo hadn’t spoken more than a few words to Don since and though they were able to get along in training together fine, the air was still tense between them. Leo breathed in the bitter air and decided it was time to try again. With the other two caught up in their snow play, he figured that now was as good a time as any.

Steadying himself, Leo stepped forward and put a hand on Donatello’s shoulder. “Donnie? About the other day-”

Leo didn’t have time to say more. Don turned when Leo touched him and his eyes suddenly darted to the direction of Mike and Raph. “Leo, look!” Before the words were even past his lips, Don’s hand was already moving towards his weapon.

**\----------------------------------**

The entire situation unfolded in less than a few seconds, but the machinations in Leonardo’s head worked double-time. As soon as Donatello cried out, he whipped around in the direction of the other two turtles and saw his brother’s reason for concern. A Foot soldier, no doubt drawn by the noise the other two were making, had popped into view over the roof’s edge. Leo just had time to register the soldier’s look of surprise and see him turn, knowing that he was getting ready to flee back to his brethren and sound the alarm.

There wasn’t time to get there and he couldn’t risk shouting. That only left one chance. Breaking into a sprint, he reached up and drew a small shuriken from the leather strap across his chest and let it fly, praying it would find its mark.

“What th-!” Raphael stiffened up as the small blade sailed in front of his nose, slicing through the air between him and Michelangelo. He first looked in the direction it had come, his sais instantly in hand and expecting an attack. When he saw Leo and Don running towards them, he quickly turned back in time to hear the choking sound the ninja made as the metal sank into flesh. “Shit!” he cursed under his breath, moving towards the enemy.

The shuriken hadn’t been enough to do the Foot soldier in, but luckily it had bought Raphael enough time to finish the job. He quickly grabbed the unfortunate Foot and pressed a hand to his mouth before he could signal any others. Dragging him backwards over the rooftop edge, he gave the man’s head a hard twist, letting the limp body fall into the snow at his feet.

His heart pounding, he spared a brief look to the equally surprised Michelangelo, who now also had his nunchakus out. The two of them looked around wildly, expecting more. Raph just had time to realize that he and his youngest brother were in a load of trouble, as Leo and Don approached.

They all paused momentarily, tense and waiting for something to happen. It didn’t come. Satisfied that there weren’t any more Foot advancing on them for the time being, Leo crossed his arms and scowled at the two turtles in front of him. “Unbelievable. And just when I was starting to feel good about our training.”

“Oh for cryin’ out loud, here we go.” Raphael stowed his sais and threw his hands in the air. “You can save it, ‘cause I already know what you're gonna say.”

“Oh is that so? Well, then maybe I should just let Master Splinter chew you out himself, after I tell him how careless the two of you were acting.”

“Uh-huh. True t'form, here comes the tattletale, ready to run right off to daddy.” As usual, Raph was immediately on fire. Leo may have appeared calm for the moment, but the others knew it wouldn’t be long before the two were shouting at each other (as much as they could shout in hushed tones, that was). “Whatsa matter? Can’t man up an’ tell us off yourself? You gotta go runnin’ off to Sensei to do the dirty work for ya?” Raphael snarled at him.

“I wouldn’t have to, if you could follow one damn order!” Leo spoke through his teeth. “Making all that noise–you call yourselves ninjas? Once again, yours–and Mike’s-” he said, pausing to shoot a quick look at Michelangelo, “-carelessness could’ve gotten us all killed!”

Raphael raised both palms, mocking his oldest brother. “Aaand here we are at the ‘you coulda got us all killed’ portion of the speech. Seriously, I oughta just record ya once, then we can just play the tape every time you're pissed off about somethin’. Would save ya from havin’ to waste your breath every time.”

Leo clenched his fists. “Raph, this isn’t a joke-” 

“I think you should both keep your voices down,” Don said, cutting him off and sounding more than a little annoyed. “Besides, it’s only a matter of time before this soldier’s absence is noticed.”

Leo stiffened up, a little ashamed at himself for losing composure. Donatello was right. Regaining himself, he began to give orders. “… Right. Okay, we should probably make ourselves scarce.”

“What? What for? Ain’t we even gonna investigate what the Foot are up to out here?”

“Well … ordinarily I would say yes, but I’m worried that we might be in a bad situation here. That Foot soldier was able to sneak up on us and there could be more watching even now. I hate to be at a disadvantage ...” He looked away, thinking rapidly.

“Aw, c’mon Fearless. If they were gonna attack, they woulda done so already. An’ I didn’t hear that guy make any noise–ya nailed ‘em before he could. Right?” he said, turning to Mike.

“Yeah, I think Raph’s right. I didn’t hear him say anything … uh, except maybe y’know, like a, ‘hey I’ve been stabbed in the back’ kinda noise.” 

“Like you guys would’ve noticed. You did such a good job of detecting him in the first place.”

“Oh, like you never made a mistake in your life!” Raph started in again. “I’m sorry, I forgot the great an’ mighty _Leonardo_ was among us peasants.”

“C’mon guys,” Mike chimed in, “chill out. You can argue about it later. Let’s just go and see what’s up.” Mike smiled eagerly at Leo, twirling his nunchaku. “I’m ready for some action.”

Leonardo sighed. “Alright, we’ll check it out. But I want you all behind me and no one makes move without my command.” He narrowed his eyes at Raphael as he spoke. “No exceptions.” He turned to Donatello. “Don, why don’t you see what you can scout out from here.”

Donatello nodded tiredly, rummaging around in his bag until he pulled out a set of night-vision goggles. Slipping them on, he set to adjusting the dials on the side and scanning the area around and below, walking around the perimeter of the rooftop but careful to keep himself low and hidden. After a few minutes, he signaled to the others.

Staying crouched and keeping quiet, they came to Donatello’s side. He spoke in a low tone and mainly to Leonardo. “More on the rooftops. Two over there-” he said, pointing in one direction, “-and at least four on that building,” he finished, sweeping his hand in the opposite direction. “But that’s not all.” He took the goggles off, handing them to Leo and gesturing to the streets below. Leo scanned the alleyway there, centering in on a group of individuals, per Don’s instructions. Some of them were Foot ninja but there were others as well. Before he could ask, Don answered his question. “Yakuza. See the ink?” Donatello was right. Though their expensive suits and Asian features were signs, the tattoos sealed it. It was nothing new. The Foot dabbled in many underhanded forms of business, dealing with every seedy gang and mafia that operated in the city. Leo adjusted the goggles some more, scanning the area carefully. Aside from the men in suits and the Foot, there were a handful of what looked like hired hands; grunts moving crates into a large truck. 

There was some sort of deal going down here and whatever was inside the crates must have been worth quite a bit, if the amount of security that surrounded the group was any indication. A dozen or so of the tattooed men stood on either side of what looked to be their ringleader, a man who was speaking with one of the Foot. The Foot themselves were not without a similar posse, though they looked light on soldiers there at the meeting place itself, it was obvious now to the brothers that more lined the rooftops and surrounding area (and quite likely unknown to their “business partners”).

Leo handed the goggles back to Don, who stowed them in his bag. “Okay,” Leo said, “we move as one. Let’s start on that roof,” he said, pointing in one direction. “We’ll take out their scouts first, then observe the situation on the ground. _Do not,”_ he growled, centering his gaze on Raphael in particular, “engage the men on the ground without my signal. I’m not even sure that we will here and now – those Yakuza are packing semi-automatics and that’s trouble. It may benefit us to follow them until a better opportunity arises. I won’t know until we get closer.”

Raphael rolled his eyes in usual defiance but Leo was sure he would comply. Raph huffed and puffed a lot but even he wasn’t stupid enough to go into a situation with heavy gunfire. Ninja skills only went so far when guns were involved and there were just too many here to contend with in an open fight. So for now, the two eldest did as Mike suggested and put aside their argument, getting into formation and preparing for the possible fight to come. As Leo led them through the shadows to the adjacent rooftop, he forgot about Raph and again stole a look at Donatello, remembering now where his focus had been prior to all of the excitement. They hadn’t been in a fight since Don started exhibiting his strange behavior, but Leo didn’t think it mattered–or did it? Should he be worried? He didn’t really think so. Even as strung-out as Don had seemed to be in these past weeks, it hadn’t affected his training. If there was anything he could count on Don for, it was that his brother could always keep his head in battle.


	3. Chapter 3

Leo touched each brother once to get their attention and made the same gesture, pressing one finger to his lips and motioning his open palm towards the ground– _stay quiet, and stay down._ Each brother did as instructed. Leo began creeping towards the edge of the roof, crouching there in the shadows and motioning for the others to follow. He carefully peered over the edge, looking on the group in the alleyway below.

The scouts on the roof had been easy pickings. None of the Foot ninjas had seen the brothers coming and they were able to dispatch each quietly. As it was, there were actually a few more than Don had previously pointed out but Leo had already counted on that. His brothers had done well to follow him however (even Raph, surprisingly), and they had taken each sentry out with the ease of those trained masterfully in the ways of stealth.

Leo signaled for his clan to fall into formation at the rooftop edge, so that now all four of them were positioned directly above the men he’d seen through Don’s goggles. They crouched there for a moment with their backs to the wall, each closing their eyes and listening to the sounds below. When Leo was sure it was safe enough, he rose slowly and peeked over the edge, again signaling for the others to follow suit.

The men stood below, looking on closely as the deal went down. There were a few in grey jumpsuits moving cargo from a set of double doors and loading it into a large, rectangular truck parked there. They could see guards, Yakuza men by the looks of it, posted at each end of the alley keeping watch but so far it didn’t appear that anyone thought to look upwards for interference. Leo was seconds away from giving his orders. They were to wait, he decided. There were indeed too many armed men below and it was impossible to tell how many more might be inside that building they were hauling the crates from. Before he could act however, he heard a gasp from his right.

Donatello was there–standing up–and looking possessed. “No …” he whispered, the sound deafening to the ninjas next to him, “… it can’t be!” Without warning, he drew his bo staff and leaped onto the roof’s edge.

Leo reached a hand out but it was too late. “Donnie!” he hissed. "What are you doing!” Don leaped over the side of the roof and hit the fire escape hard, seemingly unaware or uncaring of how much noise he was making. He moved from there to the top of the truck with a loud _bang,_ attracting the attention of every single man on the ground.

“Aw hell,” Raph muttered, drawing his sais. “C’mon, we gotta help him!”

Leo couldn’t respond. His body was moving but his mind was shocked into total disbelief. He could feel his swords in his hands, unaware that he’d pulled them. His heart pounding with fear, he was sure he was about to watch his genius brother get killed. 

“No," Leo growled. He regained himself and dove into the fray, joining his brothers in a fight he knew was stacked against them from the start. True to what he would’ve expected, the first of the Yakuza looked up and opened fire almost immediately, riddling the truck with bullets. Lucky for them though, the man’s surprise caused his aim to go wild, not only missing the brothers in his effort but also causing a few of the bullets to ricochet back into the crowd. Mass confusion ensued. Bullets flew in every direction and the men began to shout; some barking orders, others crying out in wild terror.

The Yakuza may have lost their bearings initially but the same could not be said for the Foot. It was difficult to surprise a ninja in general, but these were old, known enemies of theirs and the turtles’ presence was certainly expected by them at any given time. Several of the soldiers found their way to the roof of the truck almost instantly, engaging the brothers while bullets flew from below. All in all, the top of the truck wasn’t the worst place to be. As long as the brothers kept themselves low, they could avoid most of the gunfire. But each knew that this was only a temporary safety; as the gang members began to get things under control, their bullets edged closer and closer to their marks.

The situation was bad, but there wasn’t time to lay blame at the moment. Leo began to shout orders. “Raph, Mike–stay towards the cab–get away from those guns!” The men had been centered around the back of the truck and that’s where most of the gunfire was coming from. Leo steadied himself, desperate to get them out of this alive. “Hold your positions, I’m going after Donnie!”

Donatello, to his brothers’ further amazement, had taken out a couple of Foot and was making his way down to street-level. He landed near the front of the truck, opening one of the doors there and using it to shield bullets coming from the guards at the end of the alley. He threw the end of his staff into the cab immediately, the end of it connecting hard with the driver’s head and knocking him out cold. 

“Don, what the hell are you doing!” Leo dropped down, driving one blade down onto a Yakuza, dropping both his gun and his hand to the pavement at his feet. “Have you lost your mind?”

Donatello didn’t respond, instead turning his attention towards the rear of the truck. Men were pouring around from either side and it wasn’t going to be long until they were completely flanked. Leo grunted his frustration, heading towards the front of the cab and attempting to protect his brother’s back. The occasional screaming Foot soldier was sailing down to the ground around them, telling their leader that their other two brothers were handling things well enough above.

“Hey Raph, you been giving Donnie lessons on technique or something?” Mike grinned wide, slamming one nunchaku into the face of an oncoming ninja. 

“Funny.” Raph grunted, giving a roundhouse kick to the head of another, sending him off the roof of the truck and crashing into two more enemies below.

“Dude, that’s one of your classic moves right here. Balls out, running right in–ignoring Leo’s orders even!” Laughing, Mike ducked, missing a katana swipe that just caught the ends of the fabric on his mask. “Seriously, how could you guys leave me out of the club? I’m hurt.”

“Heh.” Raph grunted laughter. “I dunno, you start givin’ Leo trouble too, it might just give him a coronary.” He pulled his sais back, kicking the ninja in front of him off the edge, minus a few of the vital organs he once had. “If we had hair, his woulda’ been grey years ago.”

Mike laughed long and loud, the sound of it reaching their leader, who was well beyond annoyed at this point. Leo was in as deep a rage as he ever was when dealing with Raphael’s disobedience, only he couldn’t remember a time when Raph behaved this carelessly (not with Leo in view, anyways). “You guys keep it together up there! Stop horsing around!”

Leo’s outburst only caused the two turtles above to both erupt in laughter again. They couldn’t help themselves. Mike was never serious to begin with–even in the heat of battle–and his banter was sometimes infectious on the others in the vicinity. “Oui, oui, mon capitan!” Mike grabbed a Foot ninja’s arm, falling back onto his shell and tossing the man over his head. “Ey–watch out below, non?”

The wave of Foot was beginning to slow down, allowing Raphael the freedom to steal a look below. He saw that Don and Leo were doing fine on their end but there were several foes still coming at them. “Hey, Mikey! Let’s give ‘em a hand down there.” Raph stowed his sais, tossing a heel into the face of one of the last few ninjas climbing up the side of the truck. He then bent down, picking up one of several bodies littering the top of the truck and tossed it into the crowd below. The body effectively crashed into several gunmen, freeing up quite a large bit of space in front of Donatello. Don didn’t miss a beat, using the opportunity to exit the alley and run down the connecting street, without even so much as a look in Raph’s direction. 

“Hmph, you're welcome,” Raph muttered, suddenly forgetting his sarcasm and feeling worried all over again. He looked off in the direction that Don was heading, seeing only a couple of those workers in jumpsuits running there. No Yakuza and no Foot-no reason why Don would go after them. One turned back for just a moment and Raph was able to get a brief look at the man’s face. 

Raphael stood there, almost mesmerized by his brother’s odd behavior, wondering what had gotten into their resident genius. All joking aside, it was highly disturbing. He’d never done something like this before. What was wrong with Donnie? He realized that Leo had been right all along. Raph had felt it too but he never would’ve thought that Don would flip his lid like this. It was a wonder that they’d gotten through this fight alive, and–

A sudden shout from below broke Raphael from his thoughts. He turned, suddenly realizing that the top of the roof was clean. Obviously Mike had taken care of the rest, flinging the remaining bodies below at Raph’s suggestion. As for Mike however, he was nowhere to be seen.

**\----------------------------------**

Donatello ran at breakneck speed. As soon as he’d seen the gap in enemies he bolted, thinking of nothing else but that man. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe, after all of these years–after looking for that very same face in every fight, every skirmish–here he was. Hiding here, working for the Yakuza and for their greatest enemy, the Foot. He wouldn’t have expected any less. Scum like him were often drawn to criminal acts for life. It was unlikely that he would've changed his ways.

The battle was forgotten. Luckily there were few enemies left now, only the stragglers, emptying the last of their magazines desperately and moments away from fleeing the scene as so many had. Incredibly, there was no thought to his brothers. It was something he would regret later. The pain of Don's secret ran so deep it overwhelmed his thoughts; it had eaten at him for so long, everything else had paled to the need of finding redemption, to finding the very man who was now in his sights. 

Donatello didn’t think about what he was going to do to him. He didn’t kill people unless absolutely necessary. That was his code, and his only. His brothers did not fight by the same. They each had their own reasons and he had made his peace with who he was a long time ago. But this was not a concern now. He was driven by another force, driven by a need that went far beyond anything he’d ever experienced. And his quarry was so very close. 

_“Donatello!”_ Perhaps it was the desperation in Leonardo’s voice that stopped him. Don suddenly came to a halt and turned, blinking rapidly as if he were waking from some intense dream. “Mikey’s hurt–he’s been shot!”

**\----------------------------------**

“What have I done.” Don whispered to himself. He spared just one last, extremely brief look at the man he’d been after for so very long, stifling the devastation he knew he would succumb to later. It didn’t matter now. He ran back to Leonardo. “How bad? How bad is he?” Breathing heavily, he couldn’t hide the fear in his voice.

“I don’t know, there’s a lot of blood.” Leo said between breaths. They both began to run back towards the alleyway where they’d left the other two turtles.

“Where? Where did he get hit?” Now it was Don’s turn to sound desperate. 

“His arm, here.” Leo touched his left bicep.

“Okay.” Don sounded slightly more relieved. The answer could have been worse. Nevertheless, one could die quickly from such a wound and it didn’t slow his pace any. 

“Donnie ... what the hell … w-why did you ... what the hell were you doing? What were you thinking?” Leo repeated those words as they ran, his brain unable to form the sentences coherently.

Don didn’t respond at first, just running as fast as he could. Finally, he choked out just two words. “I’m sorry.”

Mike looked pale and Donatello knew right away that he was in shock. Mike had never been shot before. None of them had, except for Raph. Raph, due to his more berserker fighting attitude, had actually taken more than one bullet in the past; thankfully none too serious. Don had been able to remove the slug each time and Raphael had been lucky enough to avoid severing an artery-unlike the unfortunate brother now lying on the ground before him. 

Looking closely at Mike now, Donatello was feeling much less hopeful. The wound was pumping out liquid at a fearsome rate and there was already an impressive puddle of it beneath the young turtle. “Damn,” he cursed. “Right through the brachial artery, that’s what I was afraid of.” Don hurriedly tore open his bag and fished out some bandages, immediately pressing a wad of the sterile cloth to Mike’s bicep. “Here.” He grabbed Raph’s hand and placed it over the bandages. “Keep firm pressure on this and don’t let go.” Don moved towards Mike’s face, examining his pupils. 

Raphael nodded. He was kneeling on the ground, letting Mike’s head rest on his lap. “S’alright Mikey, you're gonna be fine.” He tried to reassure his younger brother but Mike didn’t even act like he’d heard him. Instead, Michelangelo was just staring off into space, his breathing getting faster and faster.

Don grabbed Mike’s face in both hands. “Mikey? Look at me, little brother. Raph’s right, you’re going to be okay, I promise. You need to slow your breathing down, okay?” Don sounded calm and collected, so much so that it amazed the others, who were each in a silent panic. Leo was actually pacing back and forth. “Raph, set his head down flat on the ground.” Raph did as instructed. “Good. Now keep his arm up, above his heart and keep that pressure on.” Again, Raphael followed Don’s instructions. Donatello grabbed both of Mike’s legs and elevated them, in an attempt to bring Mike out of shock.

“We need to get out of here before the police show up.” Leo said. There weren’t any sirens yet, but this place had been lit up with gunfire just moments before and they all knew it was only a matter of time before the place was crawling with humans.

Don looked up. “We shouldn’t move him for a few minutes at least. He’s bleeding a lot and we need to keep direct pressure to slow it down. Moving him is only going to cause more damage.” He lowered his voice. “But I’m more worried about him being in shock. Leo, he could die easily if we’re not careful.”

Leo kneeled down to their level, his focus entirely on Don now. “Could we just move into the sewers? I’d feel a lot better if we weren’t all out here in the open like this.”

Don looked up at his brother worriedly. Leo was right. “I know. Just give me a second. Here.” He motioned for Leo to take Mike’s legs. “Keep them up, like this.” Don went back to looking inside his bag, until he pulled out another roll of bandages. “Okay Raph? Give me a little room here.”

He set to work, carefully wrapping Mike’s arm. Mike still wasn’t responding, his eyes glazed over and motionless. His breathing had slowed a bit though, much to his brothers’ relief. When Donatello finished, he tried addressing Michelangelo again, asking if he could stand, or if he could even hear them. Mike moved his head aimlessly and it looked as if it were taking great effort for him to stay awake. Finally, he made eye contact with his brother and nodded slowly.

“Good Mikey, hang in there, okay? We’re going to get you home now.” He bent over and helped Raphael lift Mike up. They attempted to place Mike’s feet on the ground but his knees buckled instantly. After a small amount of fumbling around, Raph just lifted Mike up over his shoulder, with Don keeping his hands pressed tight around Mike’s wound. In that manner they made their way to the nearest manhole and dropped down in as carefully and as quickly as they could.

Once they were in, they sat Mike down there in the sewer, again lying him down flat and keeping his legs up. It made them all feel a bit better to be underground again, but in reality they were still only below the alleyway they’d just been in. It wouldn’t take much searching for their enemies (or an overzealous police officer) to find them and the thought made their leader more than nervous. The first of the sirens could now be heard in the distance.

“We need to get moving.” Leo was pacing again.

“Well we can’t,” Don snapped at him.

“Look, all they have to do is lift that manhole cover and we’re right back where we started-”

“Leo, I know that.” Still gripping his brother’s legs, Don stood up, face to face with his impatient brother. “He’s lost too much blood, we've got to slow it down before we move.”

Leo just nodded. His eyes told the whole story. Don looked away from him, unable to deal with Leo’s utter disdain for him right now. He bent down and checked on Mike instead. “Let me see.” He had Raph lift his hand slightly. “Good, looks like it’s doing better. Keep the pressure on for a few more minutes and we’ll think about going.” 

One minute passed, two. Three. Mike was beginning to groan in pain. It was almost reassuring to hear him make noise again, when suddenly he spoke. “… Donnie?” 

“Mikey?” Don’s face lit up. “Are you with us? How do you feel?”

Mike swallowed. “Ugh. Kinda sick.”

“Raph?” Don said, “Help me turn him on his side.” They did so, and Don was satisfied that if Mike did vomit, in this position he wasn’t in danger of choking.

“Donnie?” Mike asked again.

“What? What's the matter?” Mike’s tone was making Don a little nervous.

“I'm gonna die, aren't I?” He sounded so scared, so much like the little kid they grew up with. Really, he never stopped being that kid, well into these later years. He was their kid brother, rambunctious and silly at any given moment, though wide-eyed with fear now, looking to his older brothers for reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

“No, Mikey.” Don smiled, sighing. “You’re not going to die. You did, however, lose a good deal of blood, which is why you feel so sick right now. Once we get you back to the lair, I’ll clean the wound and remove the bullet so it won’t get infected and we’ll start replenishing some of those lost fluids.”

Mike nodded, looking relieved. “Dude. It really friggin' hurts.” 

“I know.” As hard as it was to see his kid brother in distress, it was good that Mike could feel the pain, and that he was communicating with them. It meant that he was starting to come out of shock and the relief Don felt was huge. “We have to keep pressing on it for now though, so it won’t bleed any more. I’ll give you some painkillers when we get back, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Mikey …” Don looked down, unable to make eye contact for a moment. He forced himself to look back up. “Mike, I’m really sorry.” He said, barely audible.

“I know. It’s okay.” Michelangelo gave his brother a tired smile. “Just tell us what’s going on, will ya? We’ve all been kinda worried. And uh … that was a little crazy back there, dude.”

Don looked away again, embarrassed. “Heh. Yeah, I suppose it was.” He sighed long and deep then, his whole body shuddering with the effort. “I guess-I guess I have no choice now. It’s time I told you guys the reason behind tonight.”

“It had to do with that guy, didn’t it? The one with the eye?” Raph interjected. He’d seen Donnie make a beeline for one of the men in particular. There was no doubt that it was the sight of that man that had caused his brother to leap mindlessly into a sea of enemies. One of the grunts, no less. Neither Yakuza nor Foot, just a hired hand moving their cargo. There was nothing remarkable about him, aside from one very distinguishing mark: he was blind in one, unexposed eye, the iris a haunting, milky white.

Don grimaced and nodded slowly. “Yes. But there’s too much to go into now.” He checked the bandage again. “It’s time we got moving.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Keep a close eye on Mike and call me if there’s any problem. I won’t be far.”

“What do ya mean, are ya sure? Where ya goin’? An’ what do I do if somethin’ goes wrong?” Raph sounded just a little panicked.

“Raph, it’s okay. The bullet is out and there’s nothing more to do now than let him sleep. He needs a transfusion. I have the equipment, but not the blood. Mikey’s type O, remember? He can donate to us, but we can’t do anything for him.”

“Well,” Raph said, scratching the back of his head uneasily, “uh, maybe you should let me go. Just tell me what kind to get, I can do it.”

“No. This is my mess.” Don looked at Mike lying there. He looked peaceful enough but his color was still off. “It’s my duty to make it right. Besides, I really need to get some air.”

Raph nodded. “Alright.” He wanted to know what was going on with Don as much as the rest of them, though there were no words for that now. Raph had never been much of a conversationalist, anyways. The whole thing made him feel uncomfortable. He also understood that there was another reason Donatello wanted to leave the lair and as soon as Donnie slipped out, that reason made itself more than clear. 

“Where’s Donatello?” Leo was there and his voice was fire. Raph might not have understood why Don did what he did, and sure he was a little pissed that Mike got hurt in the process, but he didn’t share in the wrath that Leonardo was making obvious would be unleashed once their genius had returned to them.

“Out.”

Leonardo blinked. “What do you mean, ‘out’? So he just abandons Mike like this? He’s the doctor around here!” 

“He had to get blood, Leo. Said Mikey needed it.”

“So you let him go? Why didn’t he send you, or me? How much more irresponsible can you guys be?”

“Look, I know you're pissed off at Donnie but he ain’t here now, so take a pill. He’s got his phone, an’ he ain’t goin’ far.” He scowled. “An’ keep your voice down, Mikey’s tryin’ to sleep.” 

Leo left without another word. Raph sighed bitterly, shaking his head. “Damn,” he muttered to his sleeping brother. “I'd trade places with ya if I could, Mikey.” He looked down at the youngest, laying one palm on his arm and wondering if Mike was going to come out of this okay. “For more reasons than one.”

**\----------------------------------**

“You shouldn’t have done that. Running into danger like that.”

Donatello leaped across the rooftops without a sound, listening to her voice in his head. It was stupid, he knew, to hear her now; to let his mind create her again. Nevertheless he answered the voice, letting the conversation between them play out.

“I know.”

“It isn’t like you, you know. To act without thinking.”

“I know. I just–I couldn’t let him get away. Not after what he did.”

“Why? It’s done. It isn’t going to change things now.”

“It will. It has to.” He slowed his pace, breathing heavily. “I can’t keep going like this. I need to do something. I have to make it right somehow.”

“And you really think this is the way to do it?”

“Yes! No ... I don’t know. I–I didn’t mean for Mikey to get hurt …” He stopped running. He stood there under the half-moon, looking upwards and letting the cold breeze strike his face. “I didn’t think about the others at all. I should’ve known that they would follow me in. Stupid ... I just wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Of course you weren’t. You’d never put your family in danger on purpose. You know that, and so do they. Don’t you see what this has done to you? And it’s hurting them to watch you.”

Donatello covered his face with both hands. “I know. I–I’ll make this right. I saw him, I’ll find him again. I’ll make him pay. It’s all I can do.”

He could almost see the sad look on her face as he heard her voice in his head. “You know this isn’t what I would have wanted, Donnie.”

“Please-”

“There are others who care for you. Remember them. Forget me.”

He squeezed his eyes tight. Why was he doing this to himself? It was torture. A way of punishing himself perhaps, for getting his brother injured. He rubbed his forehead, trying to push away the memories, the thoughts of her, her voice, her smile. It was a torment he could not escape, and had been unable to for so many years. He looked up again, staring at the sky for answers that wouldn’t come. Some “genius” he was. He’d never been so lost, so confused over what to do. He was the one everyone came to for solutions, the guy they counted on to figure everything out. So where was he to go for help?

“There are others that care for you, Donnie. Forget me.” 

He sank to the ground, letting the snow on the rooftop engulf his legs, oblivious and uncaring to the cold that bit at them. "I can't," he said aloud. He stayed like that for several minutes, shivering and letting it take him over again. His despair was so great, so intense, he could not help but feel the disappointment at himself all over again. All of these years gone by and it had only gotten worse with each passing one. How he'd searched for that man, the one with the eye, only to let him escape. So close to salvation, just to see it slip away once more.

What’s worse, his poor brother had paid the price for it. He was sure that Mikey was going to be alright now, but it could have gone very badly. With that thought, he stood up. Remembering his purpose, he set off into the night again, worrying on top of it all that his family might never forgive him for this.

**\----------------------------------**

“So uh, what happens now? Is he gonna get better right away, or what?” Don had slipped in without much fanfare and had begun hooking up the equipment. Raphael was actually a little impressed that Don had been able to acquire the necessary blood so fast and efficiently; he was sure now that Don had scoped out a viable blood bank in the area prior to the need for it. It wouldn’t surprise him. Don was anything if not prepared for any eventuality. Donatello looked up at his brother. It was rare to see so much genuine concern on the gruff turtle’s face but of course it was warranted. Raph always softened up when any one of them was down with sickness or injury. Though he tried his best to act otherwise, Raphael was vehemently protective of everyone in the family, often throwing himself face-first into danger when one or more of them were threatened.

“Well, yes. The only thing holding him back is the lack of blood, so he should begin to feel better almost instantly. He most likely would’ve recovered without the transfusion, but it would’ve taken weeks, or months even, for his body to reproduce all that he’s lost. With this, he’ll be better in days, barring any other complications. He may not wake up for a few hours though.” Don sounded hopeful but his voice belied the sadness underneath. “He’ll probably be up and walking around tomorrow, if all goes well.”

“Yeah?” Raph brightened. “That’s great, Donnie.” He looked really impressed. “We’re uh, real lucky to have a genius in the house, that’s for sure.”

“Huh,” Don scoffed. “Sure, when I’m not forcing my brothers to come to my rescue. When I’m not almost killing them.” He spoke with little emotion, focusing only on what he was doing.

“Donnie …” Raph struggled to find the words. He took a deep breath. “Look, I know Leo’s hot as hell about this, but I know ya didn’t mean for Mikey to get hurt. It was just an accident, an’ ... well, whatever your reasons were, they must be pretty big.”

Don shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing justifies what I did.”

“He’s gonna be okay, ya said so yourself. You know I ah …” Raph stalled, playing with the ends of his mask. “... I guess I know what it’s like to lose your head, to run into a fight without thinkin’. I ain’t exactly one to point the finger, y’know?”

“You’ve never done anything this bad. This … stupid.” He looked up at Raphael. “Leo’s never going to forgive me for this one. Probably Sensei, too.”

“Ah c’mon, that ain’t true. How’s that saying go? Wounds heal over time? Leo'll forget how mad he is atcha. I should know.” He muttered the last part. 

“It’s ‘time heals all wounds’.” Don looked away, thinking of a time long ago. “And I would believe that brother, if I didn’t know for a fact that it wasn’t true.”

**\----------------------------------**

It was too bright in here. Mike closed his eyes again, the temptation of sleep urging him to fall back in.

“Hey there.”

Michelangelo blinked a few times and looked around. Donatello was standing there, leaning over him. He saw Raphael sitting in a chair and then watched as he stood, coming over to the bed as well. Both brothers were smiling at him. That was weird. Usually they didn’t look this happy, especially Raph. He looked down at himself and saw the bandages.

“Ohhh, I remember.” Mike cleared his throat noisily. “One of those guys in the suits got me. I thought those guys on that side were all done … I think the dude was laying down, playing dead or something.”

“He was,” Raph added. “I took ‘em out right after he shot ya.”

“How are you feeling?” Don began to peer closely into each of Mike’s eyes.

“Mm … tired. And thirsty. And hungry!” Mike sat up, excited at the prospect of food. “Ow! And in pain …” He clutched at his arm, which was now sitting snug in a neatly bound sling. “Ugh.”

“Hold on.” Don grabbed a bottle from the table and shook out a small pill, and then did the same from another bottle. “Take these. One will help with the pain, the other is for infection. You need to take each one twice a day, alright? Don’t forget.” Even though he sounded adamant that Mike remember, Don knew that he’d be on his brother every twelve hours like clockwork, making sure his flighty sibling didn’t miss a dose.

“I’ll getcha some water.” Raph stood up. “Some cold pizza in the fridge, too–that okay, doc?”

“Sure.” Don smiled a little. “He can have whatever he wants.”

“Awesome. Ah, now begins the pampering. This is the good life.” Mike leaned back. “Ouch. Well, it would be good, if I didn’t have a gaping hole in my arm.”

“Not so fast.” Donatello cut in again. “You should get plenty of rest. But it won’t be necessary to wait on you hand and foot. You’ll be able to get up and feed yourself I think, starting tomorrow.”

“Awww. But I _like_ being waited on.” Mike whined. “C’mon, just a little?”

That actually brought a big, wide smile to Donatello’s face, the most genuine one any of them had seen in a long time. “Fine. You have me for twenty-four hours, no more.”

“Well, I guess that’s better than nothing.” Mike thought for a minute. “Hm … now what should my first order be?”

“I should point out that I’m not agreeing to fulfill your every whim,” Don added. “I’ll just bring you things you want, while you’re in bed.”

“Aw, c’mon! That’s not how it works, dude. Dance for me!”

“No.”

“Sing me a song?”

“Try again.”

“Then tell me why you flipped out and went after those guys.” Mike’s tone changed drastically, and suddenly. All jokes were gone in an instant and it stopped Don in his tracks. He dropped the bottle of pills he was still holding. In the still room, the sound of the bottle hitting the floor was deafening. 

“W-what?”

“You heard me. You said you were gonna tell us what’s wrong.” Mike, lying wounded, sounded worried for _him._ Mikey didn’t hold a grudge–he wouldn’t–Don already knew that. He wouldn’t have considered that Don was even a bit responsible. Knowing that really only made it worse.

“I guess I owe you that.”

“Yeah, you do. But not ‘cause I got hurt. Because you need to tell us. _Come on_ Donnie.” Mike lit up a little, encouraging his brother.

Donatello nodded, slowly. “Alright. But I’m only going to tell this once. I guess I should wait for Raph.” He swallowed painfully. “And Leo.”

“What about Sensei?”

“I–I don’t know. Let me try this with you guys first. I’ll talk to Master Splinter about it in private.”

“Okay. Hey Donnie?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t sweat it, okay? Nothin’s so bad you can’t tell us. Especially me. I’m the most awesome, after all.”

Donatello thought about Leo, who probably wanted to toss him off of a roof right now. He thought about Raph, who meant well, but wasn’t the easiest to talk to. He thought about his sensei, whom he loved beyond belief–but who was utterly terrifying to talk to in this particular instance. He looked Mike over right then–smiling the biggest, dumbest grin that only Mike could–and smiled back at him. “You know what, Mikey?” Don leaned down and gave the young turtle an affectionate noogie. “You _are_ the most awesome.”

“Ha ha … I know it.”

**\----------------------------------**

“Shouldn’t we be lettin’ Mikey sleep right now?”

“No. I wanna be here.” Mike started strong with that statement, but lost his serious tone quickly enough. “Besides, I feel pretty good right now. Painkillers are _awesome.”_ He looked at his brother a little drunkenly, his eyelids drooping slightly with the effects of the pills.

“Great. Now you’re a drug addict.”

Mike giggled-a little too much-at Raph’s statement. “Ah, don’t worry about me, Raphie. I can’t see myself being able to ninja it up like this. Actually, these pills like, erase the ninja skills. I feel kinda clumsy and slow.”

“Hardly different from any other day, then.”

In lieu of a witty comment (which he was having a little difficulty coming up with right this second) Mike stuck his tongue out at Raph instead. Raphael just shook his head at his brother, who was only really acting marginally more goofy than usual.

Donatello had decided that Mike should stay in bed, so they’d all gathered there in Mike’s room. It was late and Master Splinter had already retired for the evening; it was no coincidence, as Don had decided that it was the best way to avoid involving his father for now. He supposed that their sensei would probably know what was going on regardless. Somehow, he usually did. But waiting until evening would send a clear message to his master, one that said that he just wasn’t ready for his involvement quite yet. He knew that his master would respect his space, as he had done in the past.

“I’m uh, not really sure where to begin.” Don said nervously. He sat opposite Mike’s bed on the floor, cross-legged and hunched over, holding a large book in his lap. He looked around at them all, apologetically. Mike was propped up with a bunch of pillows and in contrast looked quite comfortable and content. Raph had sunk into a beanbag chair to Don’s left, his arms crossed and looking unusually patient. 

Leo, on the other hand. Leo was also sitting on the floor to Don’s right, cross-legged and back erect, with his hands resting on his knees. His breathing was slow and controlled, his eyes narrow and discerning. Everything about his oldest brother’s demeanor told Donatello that Leo was not done being angry. Don had looked at Leo last, but dropped his eyes away quickly in shame. 

“Just start at the beginning, dude.” Mike grinned at him. It helped give Don confidence.

“Okay,” Donatello began. “Here goes.”


	5. Chapter 5

"Five years ago, I revealed myself to a human." 

"No way!" Mike exclaimed. 

"Mike, settle down." Leonardo hardly moved as he spoke. "Go on, Donatello."

Don cleared his throat. "Her name was Kameko. It means 'child of the tortoise' and it was why she said she wasn't scared of me. She said she was also a turtle, in spirit.” He paused, taking a breath and collecting his thoughts.

Don went on, his voice settling into a calmer sound, the nervousness beginning to wash away as he spoke. "I'll never forget the day we met. It was so warm and the sun felt so good. It was always exciting to go topside back then, the reason of course being that we were forbidden to do so. I always made sure to come away with armloads of parts when Sensei and I went on junk runs together, so that he wouldn't get wise to the additional things showing up in the lair during my solo runs. And I always went at night too, for obvious reasons. But something was different about that day. We never got to see the sun much, and ... I don't know. I asked you guys to cover for me, if you remember.”

Raphael chewed his lip in thought. “Oh yeah, I think I do. I remember ‘cause we almost got nailed for it. We told Master Splinter you were takin' a nap and he wanted to look in on ya, but we had to stop him before he saw you weren't in yer room. Mikey distracted him by doin’ somethin’ crazy.” He grunted a small laugh. “It was a close one, though."

"Hey I'm very entertaining, what can I say?" Mike giggled.

"I don't remember this," Leo said.

"Yeah, right." Raph huffed. "Like we woulda' told the _tattler._ You'd a gone right to Master Splinter."

Leo crossed his arms in a huff. "Well excuse me for trying to keep my family safe." 

Raphael made a disgusted noise at Leo's remark, but Donatello cut in before it went any further. "Sorry Leo, I know it was stupid now. But you do stupid things when you're a kid sometimes." He sighed. “Still do.”

After another short pause, Donatello went on. “I feel embarrassed to say that she was able to sneak up on me. But I was younger, and I had just found a pile of copper piping, which we really needed here in the lair. So, I guess I must've been pretty distracted, because the next thing I know, someone yells-”

**\----------------------------------**

"BANG!"

"Ah!" Donatello jerked upwards with such a fright that he smacked his head into the metal above. "Ow ..." 

"Ha ha! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you so bad!" There stood, incredibly, a young human girl roughly the same age as Donatello himself. "Hey, are you okay, kid?"

"Ah, uh ..." He was cornered. He'd been scrounging around inside an old Buick, buried halfway into a mountain of junk. He was surrounded by metal and she was blocking the only exit. He lowered his head, hoping the hood would obscure his features enough in the dim light. "I-I'm fine."

She cocked her head. "Hey, what are you afraid of? It's not a real gun, ya know." She twirled the plastic pistol, showing him.

"I-I know." He was fumbling. His heart felt like it was going to pound right out of him. "Um, excuse me, I have to go-"

"Aw c'mon, it's okay!" She giggled again. "I'm sorry. Hey, you wanna play? I can show you some cool stuff here in the junk." But Donatello just shook his head. "What's the matter?"

Keeping his head down, Donatello answered her, hoping that if he just kept putting her off she might go away. "I'm not supposed to ... um, not supposed to be here. I'll get in trouble."

"Well I'm not gonna tell. C'mon, quit bein' a little chicken." With that, she began to crawl through the Buick's window towards him.

Donatello was in a panic. This was exactly the situation that had been laid out for him and his siblings during many a lecture. This right here, was what he'd been warned about more than anything in his young life-discovery by humans. He should try to bypass her and get home, just shove her aside and run for it, he knew. But he couldn't move. She was coming closer and he was frozen in place. 

The girl reached out towards him. "Hey, how come you won't look at me?"

"Please!" Donatello pressed himself against the metal car as far as he could go and threw a hand up in defense. "Don't come any closer!"

"Whooooaaaaa." The girl sounded amazed, but not scared-yet. She suddenly reached out and grabbed the three-fingered hand in front of her.

She was going to scream. She was going to scream and run and get more humans, maybe even the cops would come, he would run but they would follow him and find the lair, find his brothers and Master Splinter and they would all end up being dissected in a lab underground somewhere- 

"Your hand is ... weird!" She was inspecting it closer now. "And green! Is that why you don't wanna come out? Are you like, deformed or something?" Now she was leaning in closer, trying to get a peek under his hood.

He jerked his hand back. “Please, don’t.”

“Aw, it’s okay. I don’t care what you look like.” She leaned closer.

He was trapped. “If I-if I show you, will you promise not to scream?"

"Whoa, seriously? C'mon, it can't be that bad. Lemme see!"

"Promise me."

"Okay, okay! I promise."

Donatello sighed. "I'm not deformed," he said, pulling of his hood. "I'm just not exactly ... human."

"No waaay." The girl's eyes were huge with wonder but, he was relieved to see, not fear. "What are you? Are you an alien?"

"No, I'm a turtle." Now that he was revealed, he was finally seeing her in more detail as well. She was thin and lanky, and wore a small military coat stitched with various patches and pinned with colorful buttons. Her hair, cropped short and messy, poked out from underneath a dirty green army helmet. She had on a short cloth skirt and striped leggings, complete with army boots that looked too big on her. Even if he had been able to tell what color her eyes were in the car's dull light, they were mostly obscured by chunky, black spikes of hair.

"A turtle? Get outta here!"

"No, really." He smiled nervously, pulling up the back of his sweatshirt and showing her his shell. "Actually I'm the product of a mutation between human and turtle. Um, it's kind of a long story ..."

"That's so _awesome!"_ She suddenly sat back, grinning wide. "For real? It's not a costume or anything?"

"No, I'm real. So I don't um, freak you out or anything?"

She grinned wide. "Are you kiddin'? I've never seen anything as awesome as a talking turtle. You gotta tell me everything! Like, where did you come from? Where do you live? What are you doing here anyways?" Donatello started to feel uncomfortable with the barrage of questions and it must've showed, because the girl suddenly said, "Oh hey-I'm sorry, I didn't even introduce myself. My name's Kameko." She stuck out her hand and made a face. "But I kinda hate it. My parents are Japanese, but I was born here."

"Oh um, I'm Donatello." He took her hand.

"That's a funny name. Like the sculptor?"

Don blinked a few times, surprised that she knew the correct origin of his name. "Yeah. But you can call me Donnie if you want, my brothers do." He grimaced even before she asked the question.

"Brothers? There's more of you?"

"Um ... just forget I said that." His mind raced. "So, why do you hate your name? I like it."

"Oh, well," she said, looking at her boots, "it's weird and the kids at school make fun of me ‘cause of it. I always thought it was stupid. Until now that is." She looked at him with that wide-eyed expression again. "It means 'turtle' in Japanese, if you can believe it."

"Tortoise, actually," he replied. "I believe it translates to 'child of the tortoise'. The meaning refers to long life specifically, so those with the name would be blessed with the longevity of a tortoise."

"Wow, that's right. You're pretty smart!"

He grinned. "Thanks. I uh, read a lot."

"Yeah? Me too. But I dunno, most of the stuff I read is pretty weird, I guess."

"Well, it can't be weirder than reading encyclopedias." He thought back to the amount of teasing he'd received for his hobby. "I think it’s fun, but that doesn’t seem to be the norm."

She laughed and the sound was good. It made him feel a lot easier. "Okay, ya got me there. I read a lot of science books though. Especially anything to do with robotics. I'm gonna build my own robot someday." 

It wasn't the answer Don was expecting, and his interest was peaked. "Really? That's … pretty cool."

"You think so?" She looked at him sideways. "Usually when I tell people that, they just say 'what for?’ or, they go ‘that’s nice.’ Like it’s just some dumb thing a kid would say. All like, condescending, you know?"

Don laughed a little. "I know what you mean. I have the hardest time explaining anything I'm working on to-" He stopped short.

"What? Your brothers? It's okay, I'm not gonna tell anybody if you don't want me to."

Donatello suddenly looked scared. "You really can't! Please, you can't tell anyone. It could put us-me-it could put _me_ in a lot of danger."

"Ah, don't worry Donnie. Your secret's safe with me. I'm not gonna tell anybody."

"Do you mean it? You really can't. Not your friends, not even your family. All it would take is for one person to let it slip, and …" He spoke rapidly, looking terrified at the idea.

"Hey, it's okay!" She touched his arm and he stiffened up, but didn't pull away. "I won't tell anyone. I swear."

Donatello still didn't look too sure. "I don't know ... Sensei isn't going to like this." He covered his mouth. "I-I mean, uh ..."

She threw her head back and laughed. "You are so funny! But I guess you can't help being scared. A lot of people _would_ probably freak if they saw you. Here, maybe this will make you feel better." She reached behind and pulled one side of her backpack down, unzipping it and taking out a large, hard-covered book. She hesitated for a few seconds looking at it.

"What’s wrong?"

She looked up at him. "Nothing. It's just that, I never really show my drawings to anybody. They're kind of a secret. But I guess if I'm gonna keep your secret, you can keep mine, right?" She brightened, and opened the book.

"Oh, wow." Don looked eagerly at the page she'd opened to. "Um, may I?"

"Sure." She handed him the book and he turned the pages slowly, taking in every detail. Each page was covered in drawings and doodles, full and rich with detail and color. Donatello had seen books of traditional art (no surprise, since his Master's love of it had given them their names) and Mikey's comic books were always scattered around the lair, but he'd never seen anything like this. There was so much emotion and beauty on these pages; such unique style and intensity. The themes ranged from light and cartoony to dark and solemn. He felt as though he were peeking inside someone, almost as if he were reading her diary in a way. He turned each page carefully, drinking it all in with amazement.

"These are incredible," he finally managed. "You really drew all of this yourself?"

"Yup." She shuffled her feet, looking a bit embarrassed but happy nonetheless. "You really like ‘em?"

"Yeah, are you kidding? I've never seen artwork quite like this. I mean, Mikey draws comic book characters sometimes, but he's not as good as you are. These are really great." Don was so impressed, he hadn't even noticed that he'd let his brother's name slip. "I especially like all of the robots. They look so efficient and functional."

She giggled. "Well, I think of them more as blueprints for the real thing. Like I said, I'm gonna build one myself one day."

He chuckled to himself. "And I see you certainly do like turtles." It was true, there were dozens of them doodled in the borders and not a few full-page drawings of various terrapins.

"Yeah, see? That's why I wanted to show you. I guess it's 'cause of my name. Even though I get grief for it, I do kind of like it deep down. Because turtles are cool." She grinned. "But I still can't believe I'm _talking_ to one. Seriously, this is pretty out there."

Donatello had to laugh again. As they sat and talked, he became more and more fascinated by her. Besides being an accomplished artist, she really did have a love for mechanical things, which, she confessed, is what brought her to the scrap yard in the first place. Kameko told him that she was often scolded for taking apart things around the house to see how they worked. "Really though," she said, "I only get in trouble when I can't figure out how to get them back together." That made Don laugh, because if anyone could relate to that, it was him.

This was all so strange, so wrong. But he felt really good being here with this girl. This _human_ girl, he corrected himself. His face fell into a worried expression all over again.

"Hey, what's wrong now? Did I say something wrong?"

"Oh no, it's just … I don't know." He closed her book and handed it back to her. "I really should go. It was nice meeting you, though. Um, thanks for showing me your drawings."

"Oh, okay." Her face fell for a second, but she snapped back almost instantly. "You wanna meet here tomorrow, then? I can come after school. Say, around four o'clock?"

Don looked uncomfortable. "Ah, you don't understand-I really can't. I mean, it's nothing personal, I'd like to, but-"

"But what? I promised already, I won't tell anyone about you." She looked genuinely hurt. "You don’t wanna be friends with me?”

"It's not that, really!" Don swallowed painfully. "It’s just-it's forbidden for us to even leave the lair on our own. Especially in broad daylight. I-I just can't risk it."

"Well, what if I come at night? I can sneak out pretty easy, I do it all the time, actually."

"Really?" Don felt his pulse quicken a little. "I guess I could ..." He thought on it for a second, and then shook his head. "But it wouldn't be safe for you. We've come across some dangerous people here at night a few times."

_"Please,"_ she snorted. "I can take care of myself. Besides, if you can do it, so can I. You think that just because I'm a girl I can't put up a fight?” 

"N-no, it's not that," he said apologetically. "But I've trained in the martial arts all of my life. My brothers and I are pretty skilled fighters ... uh, it's just kind of what we do." He shrugged, looking a little embarrassed at the admission.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." She threw her hands up. "You're telling me you're a _ninja_ turtle? Now you're just messin' with me."

He laughed. "No it's true, I swear. My father is a master at it. He's been training my brothers and I in the art of ninjutsu since we could walk."

"Boy, you really are something." She put her fists to her chin, resting her elbows on her knees. Her eyes were wide with wonder all over again. "Well now you gotta tell me more. You can't leave me hanging after dropping that bomb!" 

He sighed, but smiled nonetheless. "If I agree, will you absolutely swear never to mention any of this to anyone? No matter what?"

"Hey, don't worry. I said I wouldn't and I always keep a promise." She grinned. "It's not like I really have a lot of people to tell anyways." Now it was her turn to look embarrassed. She dropped her eyes to her boots again. "I don't really have a lot of friends ... well, okay. I guess I don't have _any_ friends."

“I find that hard to believe.” Hearing himself say so made him blush a little, but if she noticed she didn’t say so.

She brightened back up, almost as if she'd never faltered at all. “Yeah, well … those other kids are jerks, ya know?”

"Well, I wouldn’t. But I guess we have that in common. I’ve uh, never had a friend before myself, really. If you don’t count my brothers, that is." 

That made her smile again. "And we're both turtles!"

He laughed. "I guess that's kind of true."

"So you'll meet me here tomorrow night? Please? You gotta tell me more about yourself!"

"Okay. But I still think it's too dangerous for you to be here after dark."

"Ah, I'll be fine. Hey I'm tougher than I look." She put up her fists for emphasis. "Besides, maybe you can teach me some of your sweet ninja moves!"

"Deal.” He smiled, his worry at being discovered all but gone. “Thank you, Kameko. For keeping my secret.” He bowed to her.

She laughed. “So formal. And you can call me ‘Kame’, for short.”

**\----------------------------------**

"So that's how it began. I didn't mean for us to become friends. But I ... I don't know. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I've never regretted who we are, or living here with all of you and Master Splinter." Donatello sighed, thinking. “I know I should’ve just walked away right there, just went home and forgotten about her. But there was something so ... _exciting_ about having a friend, someone who wasn't family. Someone I could talk to about the things that usually bore you guys."

The fact that she was a girl was most certainly another complication, even if Donatello didn't say so. Leo sat quietly, contemplating the situation. He didn't want to make mention of it though, for it was obvious that this was hard enough for his brother to share without bringing in the added difficulty of asking him to define his feelings towards this girl.

"So was she your girlfriend, then? Did you guys make out and stuff, or what?" Mike inquired.

"Mike!" Leo growled at him. So much for that.

“What? I would’ve. Was she really ugly, or something?”

“Mikey!” Leo turned his palms up, looking at the youngest incredulously. Raphael just put his palm to his face, quietly regretting that he’d seated himself out of striking distance of his idiot brother.

“No, it’s okay-he’s right, Leo.” Donatello broke in. “She wasn’t ugly at all Mikey. Just the opposite.” He smiled a little dreamily. “But it never really came to that. I mean, maybe it would’ve, but …” He trailed off, looking away. His pained expression was enough to make them all a little uncomfortable.

“Nice goin’ motormouth,” Raph interjected. Before Mike could reply though, he turned towards Donatello. In an uncharacteristically softer tone, he said, “You okay Donnie? You wanna maybe take a break?”

Donatello had closed his eyes briefly, but opened them again. “No, that’s okay. I’m alright. I’m just going to get a drink of water, I’ll be back in a second.” He rose and left the room, carefully placing his book down on the floor as he did so.

With Donatello gone, the elder turtles turned their icy glares on Michelangelo in unison. In a somewhat hushed tone (as hushed as he could manage, that was), Mike said, “What?”

“Jus’ keep yer mouth shut for the rest of this, will ya?”

“Aw c’mon, you heard Donnie. And I didn’t mean anything-”

“Mike, for once I have to agree with Raph.” Leo sighed tiredly. “Just do us a favor, try and _not_ say the first thing that pops into your head for a change.”

“Fine.” Michelangelo rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, _boss.”_


	6. Chapter 6

Donatello wasn’t sure what specifically or how much he should tell. He didn’t really think about it or plan it out. He just began talking, telling the stories of her that stood out in his mind the most; the ones that replayed over and over through the years. “It wasn’t easy, sneaking around in a house of ninjas,” he admitted. “Though you guys thought I was just going out to look for junk. You never would’ve suspected what was really going on. I was always terrified that Master Splinter might find out, but I’ve had some time to think on it and I guess I know why he didn’t. I think he knew I was sneaking out all along-actually, I was sure he’d shadowed me a couple of times–but that was long before I met Kameko. I think Sensei had decided to ignore my excursions, because the things I was building around the lair were so necessary. And the junkyard isn’t far at all, so I suppose he was satisfied that I would be okay. I don’t think he knew how often, or for how long some of those trips were, though.

“Those nights were so … so incredible.” Don closed his eyes, smiling sadly. “Kameko was beyond unique. She was smart, funny ... and I could tell her anything. She was an outcast amongst her own people, rejected by her peers for her ‘odd’ behaviors. But I just found her quirks all the more intriguing. So we were not so unlike, each of us feeling rejection by our own.” He looked up, suddenly embarrassed by his statement. “I–I don’t mean to make it sound so bad, um … you just have to realize, this was years ago, when we were still kids. I don’t blame you guys for anything. I know the things I’m into are boring to you.”

“Guess we did give ya kind of a hard time,” Raph said. He’d never really thought about it much before. It made sense though. It was then that Don’s genius really began to shine; he was inventing things all over the place and their Master was increasingly vocal in his praise. Thinking back on it now, Raph realized it wasn’t just him. All three of them had teamed up on Donnie there for a while, jealous of the extra attention he was getting. It was no wonder that he’d felt outside the group. He still did to this day, somewhat. “Eh, we didn’t mean it though, Donnie. We were just bein’ stupid kids.”

“I know. Really, I understand. I don’t have any hard feelings. I mean, I’ve been on that side too, bullying and picking on you guys. We all have, it’s just what siblings do. And we still do,” he said, shrugging. “Probably always will.”

“Hah, that’s for sure. I don’t even _need_ you guys,” Mike said, addressing Don and Leo. “Raph’s given me enough material to work with for life.” Once again, two icy glares fell on the impulsive turtle. “Man, tough crowd,” he muttered.

Donatello went on. “So she filled a need I didn't know I had. We would explore the junk together, playing games and just doing kid stuff. But mostly we talked. We’d just sit and talk night after night about anything and everything. And even though I worried about saying the wrong thing, I never did. I couldn’t, because she was every bit as enthralled with me as I was with her. I thought, once the initial wonder at my unique physiology wore off, she’d lose interest. But she never did.” Again, he smiled sadly. “Imagine my surprise. She never showed disinterest at any of the things I talked about. She was always eager to learn.

“I even taught her some basic training–just some katas, and some throws. Nothing too advanced. She was so impressed by it and one day she was actually able to put it to use, though the thought of her having to do so terrified me forever afterward.” He sighed deep. “If only I’d listened to my instincts.”

**\----------------------------------**

"Donnie! You'll never guess what happened!"

"Hey Kame, what's up?" Don was standing, waiting patiently in the place they always met; a crudely fashioned “house” cleared away from the inside of a massive junk pile. Kameko came running in excitedly. He was happy to see her, but not startled, having picked up the sound of her approach long before she entered.

"I used some moves you taught me and it was so great! Sit down, I gotta tell ya!"

"Okay." He sat down on the long, busted up bench from some long discarded car's back seat. The springs inside creaked with rust as he settled in. She plopped down on the torn vinyl next to him.

"So you know that mean girl I was telling you about, Mandy Prentice? She's like, really popular and she’s friends with all the other girls. And they're always messin' with me, but she's the worst. She always makes me look stupid and I can never think of anything good to say back to her until after it happens. So yeah, she's pretty horrible. Well, today she comes up on me at lunch and starts saying some stuff about how nobody likes me because my clothes are stupid-"

"I like your clothes. They're really … creative."

"I know, right? Some people just have no sense of taste." They both laughed. "Those girls all wear the same preppy junk anyways. It's boring and stupid and costs a lot of money. Makes ‘em all look like copies of each other. But anyways. So there she is, talking at me, and I’m just ignoring her like always. I did what you said and just sat there eating my lunch and pretending like she didn't exist, right? Well, she got _sooo_ mad. She was all like, _'pay attention to me, nerd,'_ and threw an open can of Coke towards me!"

"Jeez.” He cringed. “Are all human children this ... rude?"

She laughed. “Nah, some of 'em are alright. It's whattayacallit-herd mentality. Mandy's definitely the alpha female around there."

“That sounds awful. My brothers bully me sometimes too, but it’s never really _that_ bad.”

“Really? If I had brothers or sisters, I would never fight with them.” She sighed, looking off longingly. “Brother, actually. I always wanted one. I thought it would be cool to show him stuff, like my robots. And I could teach him how to draw. It sure would be great to have a bunch of siblings around, though. I bet you never get bored … or lonely.” She smiled, but the glint that had sparked in her eyes a moment before faded at the thought. “I always wished Mom and Dad would have another kid. I think they wanted to, but Mom said something was wrong, they couldn’t for some reason.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. But it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes my brothers really drive me crazy. Like when they won’t stop interfering in my work. Mikey’s the worst offender. I appreciate that he’s interested in what I’m doing, but I do wish he wouldn’t _touch_ everything he sees.”

She laughed. “He’s the goofy one, right? You told me he’s always breaking stuff.”

“Yeah. He means well, but he’s a total scatterbrain.”

(“I am not!”)  
(“Mikey, shut it.”)

“That’s funny. He’s younger than you though, right?”

“Sort of. We … don’t really know when we were born. As a matter of fact, we might not even technically be related. We just call Mikey the youngest because he acts like a little kid all of the time.”

(“Hey, I do not!”)  
(“Mikey!”)

“Oh. And what about the others?”

“Well, Leo and Raph are kind of like older brothers, at least they act like it. Especially Leo, he’s the best student and he kind of takes care of the rest of us. Raph calls him ‘Splinter Junior’ sometimes,” he said chuckling. "It’s pretty spot on.”

“So what about Raphael, where does he fit in?”

“Well, Raph’s kind of a bully. He makes fun of me a lot for being a dork.”

“Hm. He sounds like Mandy.”

“Oh, he’s not that bad. I mean, he gives me a hard time, but that’s just kind of the way he is to everyone. But he gets really upset when one of us is hurt. He’s actually pretty protective over the rest of us. I guess he and Leo have that in common.” With that statement, Don got a strange look on his face. He paused there, thinking hard about something.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh!” Startled out of his thought, he confessed, “Well, it’s just … Raph and Leo argue with each other a lot. It’s weird. They didn’t really used to go after each other like that before. But Leo’s been getting really serious about training-well, he’s always serious about it–but he’s changed a lot lately. And he trains a lot more with Sensei, one-on-one now. I don’t think Raph’s happy about it.”

“Why’s that?”

He shrugged. “Because Raph and Leo are the two oldest and they both sort of walk around with a chip on their shoulders about it. They’re always in competition; who’s the fastest, who’s the strongest, who’s the best fighter. They’re both too stubborn to admit defeat.”

“So Raph's jealous that Leo’s getting the extra attention?”

“Bingo. Lately Leo’s been trying to act more mature, but he’s been a little bossy about it.” Don chuckled, unable to mask his annoyance. “Leonardo _loves_ telling us what to do.”

(“Mike, quit it.”)  
(“What?”)  
(“Stop staring at me like that, I’m not going to react.”)  
(“You just did!”)  
(“Ugh …”)  
(“Ha ha ha!”)

“So Raph and Leo are your older brothers and Mikey is the youngest … I guess that makes you a middle kid?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s about right. But like I said, it’s not really official. We might not even be related in the first place. But it doesn’t matter.” He twirled the ends of his mask thoughtfully. “We’re as much family as anyone, I suppose. They might get on my nerves at times but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

She grinned wide. “Your family sounds awesome. I’d love to meet them someday.”

“Yeah, maybe someday. I’d like that too, only ...”

“I know, you can’t. It’s okay Donnie, don’t worry about it.” She was trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

“Well, hey. It could happen. Um, now just isn’t a good time.” He looked at her apologetically.

She brightened up. “Hey, I said don’t worry! I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pressure you. It’s just that, like I said, I always wished I had brothers of my own, so I guess I’m just curious about yours. But it’s no big deal, I’m sure I’ll get to meet them eventually. And you know what? The more I come here and hang out with you, the less bad I feel about being alone.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! It’s really fun hanging here with you.” Suddenly, before Don could react, she reached out and gave him a huge hug. “You’re my best friend, Donnie.”

Don attempted to hug her back, but felt more than awkward. “I, uh … um, thanks.”

Pulling away, she giggled. “You’re blushing. It looks funny on green skin.”

“Oh, um … I guess I’m not really good with s-shows of affection …?” he stuttered. 

His response made her laugh even harder. “You sure do get embarrassed easily! That’s so cute.” Suddenly, she broke that thought. “Oh! But I forgot to tell you the rest of what happened in school!”

“Oh, right.” A wave of relief washed over Donatello at the change of subject. “So, this girl threw something at you?”

“Yeah, a can of Coke–an _open_ can of Coke. It’s not the first time either. This one time, she got a few of the kids to throw food at me, and it stained my sweater–it was white, of course–and I had to go to class the rest of the day with stains all over me. Aaaand … they teased me all day for it. But!” She smiled wide. “Not today! I swear Donnie, it was so perfect, just like in a movie. She threw the can and I just punched outwards, like this-” she threw and open palm out, illustrating, “-and hit the can in mid-air! But get this–not only did it _not_ hit me, I deflected it back perfectly and soda went all over Mandy instead!”

“Really!”

“Yeah! And I played it all cool, too. I didn’t even say anything, I just looked up with this serious expression. Sort of like, ‘yeah, I did that, what?’” Kameko laughed at the memory.

Her joy was infectious. Donatello could almost feel her triumph as if it were his own. “So what happened then?”

“This is the best part. So Mandy’s standing there dripping wet, and all the kids started laughing. At her! She was _furious._ It was so amazing, I can’t believe it. You were so right Donnie. I kept my cool and stayed focused. I didn’t let her get to me and it totally worked!”

“I’m glad I could help. That’s what Master Splinter has always taught us. Anger only serves to cloud the mind. It’s a lesson my brother Raphael really struggles with, actually.”

“Well I’m not gonna let her or anyone get to me anymore. From now on I’m gonna be cool as a ninja, just like you. So will you teach me some more moves?”

Don smiled. “Of course, Kame. Anything you want.”

**\----------------------------------**

Donatello was smiling but he looked exhausted. “I couldn’t refuse her anything. Despite her troubles in life, she always appeared so upbeat. It made me feel really good just to be around her.” He sighed, pausing there.

“It sounds like she was happy to be with you as well.” Leo was still sitting rigid, but his features had softened some. “Listen, Don. I understand that this is hard for you, but-”

“I know, I know.” Don cut him off. “I already know what you’re going to say. It was reckless to do this, to keep an ongoing relationship with her. Looking back now, I see how badly it could have gone for us.”

“I know that you felt you could trust her and you might have been right ... but kids of that age have trouble keeping secrets, even if they mean well. Donnie, listen. I have to be honest, it scares me that you of all people would do something so … _reckless.”_

“Lighten up Leo, it was years ago. Obviously nothin’ happened.” Raph barked.

“It doesn’t matter. This goes against everything we’ve been taught. We all could’ve paid the price for it.”

Raph rolled his eyes and huffed. “Again with this crap. Can’t ya just go two minutes without playing ‘Fearless Leader’? Besides, it ain’t like we don’t have human friends now.”

“I’m serious Raph. This is no small thing. April and Casey are different and you know it.”

“Yeah, well, it’s no wonder why Donnie didn’t wanna tell us about this sooner.” He narrowed his eyes accusingly at Leo.

“What, so that’s my fault? Don knew what he was doing was wrong. And it doesn’t sound like was rushing to share with you either.” He looked at Donatello then, who was sitting with his head down, his eyes on the floor. “What really worries me is the example this sets for the two of you,” he said, addressing Raph and Mike. “Now I have to worry that you guys are going to just go around befriending every human you come in contact with and keep it a secret from me. Because hey, if Don could do it, why not you two?” Leo sounded disgusted, but it masked the true nature of his tone: defeat. Losing control of his team always weighed heavily on their leader, and this was no exception.

Raph opened his mouth to retort but he was cut off. “That won’t happen.” Donatello said. He kept his eyes locked onto his feet. “Because my situation wasn’t without consequence. If I had to do it all over again,” he said, “I wish I’d never met Kameko in the first place.”

**\----------------------------------**

“What was that?” Don looked at Kameko, listening, his eyes wide. They were in the junkyard “house.” She’d been talking about one of her classes, telling him about the finer points of how to fool the teacher into thinking she was paying attention when she was actually goofing off (“goofing off,” in her case, meaning that she was attempting to read Dostoyevsky in a class on Home Economics).

“What? I didn’t hear anyth-”

“Shh.” He put a hand up, stopping her. Whispering, he said, “Someone’s outside.” He quickly reached down and snuffed out the candle, their only source of light. Just then, more noise came filtering in, sounds they could both easily hear now. It sounded like someone poking around, moving the junk–and it was close.

Kame reached out, feeling for him. When she found his shoulder, she leaned in, whispering into his ear, “What do we do?”

If she could have gotten a look at him in that moment, she would’ve seen his face change instantly. On it was a look of determination and confidence, but coupled with an underlying sense of deep calmness. It was the look that always preceded battle. His senses heightened, he reached back and pulled his bo, arming himself. “Stay here,” he whispered back to her, “and stay quiet.”

Before she could react he was gone, seemingly into thin air as far as she could tell, for he made not the slightest sound as he moved. He went to their makeshift door and crouched there, peering through the crack and listening. In the dim outdoor light, he could see a man–no, two men–approaching. Now he could hear what they were saying. 

“'Ey, over here. I tell ya, somebody’s in there, in the junk. You see the light go out? Told ya I heard talking before.”

“Yeah so whaddaya want, a goddamn medal? C’mon, let’s go.”

“Let’s go screw with ‘em. They might have somethin’, maybe a little cash.”

“Yeah, a course, ‘cause anybody hangin’ out inna dump has t’be loaded.”

“So, we’ll just have some fun. I think one of 'em’s female ...” This man, the one who’d apparently heard Don and Kame, pulled a long switchblade from his belt and flicked it open. He was skinny and looked like a rodent; long greasy hair and missing a few teeth. He had sores all around his mouth.

“I'm good on that. Can't get it up on this shit anyhow.” This other man stopped a few feet away, apparently content to watch for now. This one was much larger than his friend but he looked mostly fat instead of muscular. Don didn’t think either looked very threatening but he worried for Kame, who couldn’t defend herself like he could. As the knife-wielding man came closer, he took one step back and tensed up, waiting.

“Heeere kitty, kitty.” The man smiled, his rotten teeth showing. “Come on out an’ play with us.” He leaned in close to the metal panel Don and Kame had propped up as the door to their hiding place. “I know you're in there, little kitties … now don’t make me come on inside.” He reached out towards the door.

_Slam!_ With a mighty kick, Donatello busted the panel clean off and into the man’s face. He let out a cry and fell, out cold, with the metal lying on top of him.

“What the fu-!” The fat man began to reach into his jacket.

He never had a chance. The gun was thrown from his hand, the bones making a _crunch_ sound as the end of Don’s staff connected with it. The man cursed, grabbing at his busted fingers and spared just a second to look at the person responsible. Just some kid, incredibly, dressed in a hooded sweatshirt and holding a big stick. “Oh, you're gonna get it now, ya brat.” 

He lunged for the gun but Don was there in a flash. With perfect execution, he dropped to the ground while sweeping his staff along the dirt, knocking the man’s feet out from underneath him. The man fell heavily but unfortunately, he lost his balance in just the right direction. Before Donatello could stop him, the man scooped up the pistol in his good hand and leveled it at the young turtle.

The shot was deafening in the silence of the night but it didn’t hit its mark. Don didn’t have time to worry where the bullet had gone, having just enough time to lunge forward and hit the man again, this time in the jaw, before he fired another. The fat man stumbled back in agony and Don threw a roundhouse kick, knocking away the gun for a second time. From there, it wasn’t difficult to end the fight. He cashed in on the terror that shone in the man’s eyes, knowing that his enemy was defenseless and smelling of desperation. Don’s bo came around again and again, hitting the man in various vital points until he dropped for the last time, unconscious.

He stood for a moment there, panting and triumphant, looking down on his enemy with the satisfaction of the victor. It was her scream that pulled him away.

Kame, his only friend, let go a cry of such force that Donatello’s heart stopped in his chest at the sound. He turned in her direction, already moving before he was aware. Sickeningly, he noticed right away that the other man, the skinny one with the switchblade, was no longer where he’d dropped. Donatello couldn’t move fast enough.

_“Kameko!”_ He yelled for her as he entered. It was dark, but there was light enough now spilling in from the broken doorway; just enough moonlight and surrounding light from the city to make out her form crouched there against the far wall.

“Donnie …”

He threw himself to the ground where she was, unthinking, reaching out and grabbing her. “Kameko, are you alright!” He was shaking her slightly, feeling around her face and head frantically. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m okay, I’m alright!” She reached up and grabbed him by the wrist, calming him.

“Are you sure? I heard you scream-and that guy, he–!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She took a deep breath. “I’m okay now. He came at me, but I–I took care of it.” She pointed, and he saw the man’s form lying crumpled in the opposite corner.

“What do you mean, you fought him off yourself?” He couldn’t believe it.

“Y-yeah.” She began shaking all over. “I don’t think he could see me here in the dark. I uh, kicked him in the boys … and then his face. I just kept kicking him until he quit moving.” She took a couple more breaths. “It was really scary. I–I’m sorry, Donnie, you were right. I’m not tough at all. I was really scared.” Her face started to twist up. 

“No Kame, you did great.” He kneeled, putting his hands on her shoulders and pulling her forward, embracing her in his relief. When he pulled back, he looked at her with pride. “You took that guy out, all by yourself! That’s incredible!”

“I guess so.” With a nervous laugh, she softened a little. “But I was terrified. I always thought, you know, that I could handle myself in that kind of situation. But I was way more scared than I thought.”

“It’s okay, so was I.”

She stared at him, skeptical. “Really? I thought ninjas were always level-headed in a fight.”

“We are, sort of. But the fear of losing the fight is always present.” He exhaled noisily. “And I was really scared for you. When I heard you scream, I thought-” He choked on the words, suddenly looking pale.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine, Donnie.” 

“I know, but I thought I’d incapacitated that guy. I can’t believe I was so stupid ... I didn’t even turn around to make sure.”

“Hey.” She touched his arm. “You were great. I’ve never actually seen you in action. That guy had a gun and you still ran right at him without fear.” She shook her head a little in disbelief. “It was amazing.”

“Yeah?” He puffed up a bit, sticking his chest out.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “Now c’mon hero. You can walk me home tonight.”


	7. Chapter 7

“So what’d you do with those dudes?”

Don turned his attention to Michelangelo, who was looking really focused for once. “Oh well, I found some ropes and wire and bound them both up pretty well. Kame and I dragged them off, away from our meeting place and did what _we_ always do-found a payphone and placed an anonymous call to the police.”

“Cool. So did they ever bug you guys again?”

“No, we never saw those two again. I followed up on them at first. The one guy's gun was illegal. I thought it was, since the serial number had been scratched off. I planted it back on him–minus the ammunition, of course–before leaving them for the cops. The other guy already had warrants out for several drug charges, so I think they both went away for a little while.”

“Not bad. Can’t believe you were takin’ out guys on your own before I was, even.” Raph shook his head in disbelief.

Mike laughed. “Ah, too bad Raphie. Looks like Donnie’s out to steal your title for ‘badass’ of the group after all.” Mike leaned back, grinning cheekily at his hot-tempered brother.

“Cute, Mikey. Keep it up and I’ll show ya who’s deservin’ of that title.”

“By all means, keep joking around.” Leo’s voice dropped the laughter in the room like a stone. “Because taking on thugs by yourself–as a child, for crying out loud–is exactly what Sensei would’ve wanted.”

Donatello nodded solemnly, looking down in shame. “I know.”

Leo was shaking his head. “You were the one I didn’t have to worry about. Level-headed Donnie, who always followed orders, who never acted irrational. It’s like you’ve been lying to me all along.” 

Don looked hurt. “It’s not like that Leo, really. I wanted to tell you guys about her. You and Sensei. But I was scared. I knew you would be disappointed.” He hung his head, again finding the floor suddenly interesting. “But most of all, I was afraid that Master would forbid me to see her. And I couldn’t do that. I–I had to be with her.”

Leo didn’t respond at first, but it was obvious that Don’s words were having an effect. He looked as if he were struggling with his thoughts on the matter. Though his words continued to admonish, Leo could not hide the betrayal he felt in turn, disappointed that his normally trustworthy brother would go behind his back like this. The two of them had always been especially close, and though Leo only spoke in terms of team dynamics, Don knew he was taking this personally. “You know this sets a terrible example for the team. I have a hard enough time trying to rope Raph in, I can’t deal with any more dissension.” In the background, Raphael grunted his displeasure, but left it at that.

“As I said,” Donatello said patiently, “I didn’t like keeping this a secret. And after that night, after the confrontation with those thugs, I even tried to break it off with her.” He swallowed painfully, unable to continue.

“So what happened, why didn’t you?” Leo pressed him.

“She … just got so upset. It was then that I realized that she needed me as much as I needed her. At least, that’s what I told myself at the time.” He looked down at the book in his lap, running a finger along the ridge of it. “The truth is, I couldn’t give her up. Even if it put her in danger.” Don’s voice cracked slightly, but he kept his composure. “So, we made a few changes to our routine instead. She began carrying a knife. Also, I made sure to arrive before she did, so she was never waiting there alone for me. And we stepped up her training, of course.

“But Kame was stubborn. Even though that night opened her eyes, she would never truly accept that she wasn’t invincible. It was a part of who she was, part of her spark. She was a fighter, and would be right until the end.”

**\----------------------------------**

Something was wrong. As Donatello approached his and Kameko’s meeting place, he heard strange sounds coming from inside. He didn’t hesitate or even attempt to conceal himself, instead noisily throwing aside the new “door” and stepping inside. His bo staff was already in hand. “Kame?”

She bolted upright, startled at his entry. Her eyes were red from crying. “Oh! Oh, Donnie.” She exhaled. “You scared the crap outta me.”

He came over and kneeled next to her. “What’s the matter? Did something happen?” His ninja brain was on and he looked around wildly, expecting enemies to descend on them at any moment. Even now, months after the trouble they’d had here before, he'd remained on edge a little.

“Oh, heh … easy there, ninja-boy. We’re the only ones here. I’m sorry, I feel stupid now. I don’t know why I’m crying.”

He settled down next to her, reaching back and stowing his weapon as he did so. “So, um, is something wrong? You’re not supposed to be here yet, you know.” He looked her over, worried. “You promised me you’d let me arrive first.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just had to get away.” She rubbed her eyes, wiping away her tears a little shamefully. “Uh, I saw something kind of messed up today, on the way home from school.”

Don shifted in his seat. “What was it?”

“A car accident. A bad one.” She slid a little closer to him on the bench, sniffing back the mucous that was still clogging her nose. “This little car got smashed into by one of those big, refrigerated delivery trucks. I think one of them must’ve run the light because the truck plowed right into the passenger side.”

“Oh, jeez.”

“Yeah. I was walking home, just on my normal route like I do every day when I heard the tires screech, then a loud _smash._ I didn’t see it happen but it was close, just around the corner from where I was. People on the street started running over and I did too. I don’t even know why, I just followed the crowd over.

“There were two people in the car, a man and a woman, but the woman was dead. Like, instantly. She was in the passenger seat where the truck hit, so she never had a chance. The man driving was okay though and so was the driver of the truck. Neither one of them had a scratch on ‘em.” She looked deep at Donatello then, her eyes haunted and filled with fear. “I’ve never seen a dead body before, especially one so … messed up. That woman’s face–most of her head was just gone.” She shivered. “It’s weird. I like horror movies, but when you see the real thing …” Kame stared off, shaking her head slowly.

“Are you um, okay? Is there anything I can do?” He was reaching, unable to figure out the right thing to say.

She smiled a little. “Nah. It’s alright. I’ll be fine. It’s just …” She looked away from him, her chin quivering slightly.

“What is it? It’s okay Kame, you can tell me.”

A fresh tear spilled down her cheek. “Seeing the body wasn’t the worst part. That man, the one who was driving the car, he was–he was freaking out so hard. When I got there, he was just screaming and screaming. Screaming her name, screaming for help. Jodie, her name was Jodie …” She began to sob again. “I’ve just never seen anyone like that before. So totally out of his mind with sadness. Pure devastation. You could hear it in his voice, he loved her. And she was gone. Just like that, in a split second, and right in front of him. Oh god, his screams … I can’t get them out of my head.” She pressed her hands into her eyes and sobbed.

Don swallowed. “I’m sorry, that sounds awful.” Awkwardly, he reached a hand out and placed it on her shoulder. He didn’t know if it was right, but he felt compelled to touch her just then, to offer some sort of comfort. He needn’t have worried. She turned and latched onto him so forcefully, it nearly knocked him over. When he got his balance he returned her embrace. It was electric. He felt ashamed at how good it was to hold onto her when she was upset like this, but it felt so good. He squeezed her tight, living an eternity there; listening to her cry, smelling her scent and feeling empowered that it was him, here, whom she was turning to for comfort.

Eventually she broke away from him, apologizing. “I’m sorry, it’s stupid to cry about. It’s so embarrassing.” She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Some ‘tough girl’ huh? I guess you think I’m just another typical, emotional female now.”

"I haven’t exactly had enough experience with girls to know what ‘typical’ is,” he muttered, grinning. “But no one should be so ‘tough’ as not to feel moved over a tragic event.”

“Yeah, right.”

“No really. Take my brother Raphael, for example. Nobody plays the tough guy bigger than he does. But I’ve seen him cry plenty of times. He thinks he’s got us all fooled but the truth is, he’s pretty sensitive deep down.”

She giggled slightly. “Is that really true?”

“Definitely. I think it has to do with why he gets so mad all the time. He doesn’t exactly deal with things well. I’m just glad you don’t have his temper.” He rolled his eyes.

“Sounds like he just needs a hug.” 

“Right. It would be easier to hug a porcupine. I’d most likely get a punch in the mouth in return.” She giggled again, louder this time. It was a great sound in Don’s ears.

(“Ha! You hear that Raph? Cat’s out of the bag dude, time to start embracing that ‘sensitive’ side.”)  
(“Shuddup, Mikey. Quit interruptin’.”)  
(“Aw, I’m sorry. Did I hurt your _feelings?”)_  
(“I said knock it off!)  
(“Ha ha ha! Okay, okay I’m sorry. C’mere and give me a hug.”)  
(“Alright, I warned ya ...")  
(“Ow! Hey, you can’t hit an injured turtle!)  
("Guys, let Donnie talk.")  
(“Erm, thanks Leo. Anyways, I was glad Kame was feeling better, because I had something important to show her …”)

Don stood up. “C’mon, I’ve got something I want to show you.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?” She looked at him, intrigued.

“It’s a surprise. Follow me.” He led her through the junkyard until they reached a huge tower of debris, the tallest and most tightly clustered pile in the yard. “Okay, we have to scale this thing. There’s a sturdy path up there if you know where to go. Start here,” Don instructed, pointing at an old rusty gas range, “and step over to that platform.” They went like that, with Don giving her instructions and staying close behind in case she slipped. He had tried to arrange the junk in a way that would accommodate someone without ninja skills but was a little worried now that he might not have done a very good job. In actuality, she scrambled to the top almost too fast for him to keep up.

“Kame, wait for me!”

“I wanna see!” She pulled herself onto the last platform and peered over the edge of the metal wall there. “Oh! No way!” Without another word, she pulled herself up and over the wall, disappearing over the edge.

“Wait, let me help you!” Don rushed up there but she was already in. He looked over the edge and saw her there, standing in the center of his handiwork and looking around in amazement.

Kame turned in circles, taking it all in. What had looked like an ordinary tower of junk from the ground was now revealed to have a secret at the top. There was a large, flat area here, hollowed into the tip of the junk mountain, making it look like more of a volcano than a mountain after all. The walls around her were made of the same bits of refuse that littered the entire place but were shaped expertly and securely around her in a cylindrical shape, giving her the feeling of standing in the center of a giant satellite dish. It was just the perfect size for two people to stretch out and not be seen-and if they weren’t too loud, heard-from below.

“You like it?”

She was beaming. “How did you ever do this?”

“Well, you were gone a lot these last couple of weeks, busy with school. I guess I was a little bored.” Don dropped down inside the structure, joining her.

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna. But I did ace those tests.”

“And, I remember how you were saying you wished we could look at the stars. Our meeting place is a good spot to hide but you said you felt claustrophobic there.” He didn’t want to mar the happiness of the situation by bringing up how much safer it would also be for the two of them here. He was sure she would read between the lines.

“So you did all this just for me, huh?” She couldn’t have been smiling any bigger. Her entire face was lit up with joy. “Hm. A girl could get used to all this attention,” she teased.

“I’m happy to, Kame. I’m um, glad we’re friends.”

“Me too.” Their eyes met and he blushed. She walked over to one of the walls and touched it. “So what, did you actually weld this?”

“Oh yeah, I did.” He went into a long, detailed explanation on how he’d managed to craft their new hideout. She never looked disinterested, no matter how much he rambled on, instead asking him questions and becoming more excited and curious with each answer he gave.

**\----------------------------------**

“She always was,” Don said softly. “It didn’t matter what I talked about, Kame was never bored with the conversation. She was a sponge, wanting to soak up information about anything and everything. She reminded me of myself.” Donatello paused there, collecting his thoughts.

“Nerd love.” Mike giggled.

“Mikey.” Leo frowned at him.

Don looked up at Mike and smiled a little. “No, it’s okay. Mikey’s right. I wouldn’t really expect you guys to understand. It’s was just nice to talk to someone who was actually interested in the things I have to say.”

“It uh, ain’t so much that we're not interested Donnie,” Raph cut in. “S’just that we don’t know what the hell you're sayin' half the time. It’s like you're speakin’ Chinese.”

Don chuckled. “Yeah, I know. I don’t blame you guys, it’s partly my fault too. I do tend to get lost in thought and forget to put things in layman’s terms.” He smiled a little, remembering. “We had so many great discussions on engineering, biology, chemistry–you name it. There were some things, like chemistry for instance, that she wasn’t as knowledgeable on but she was more than happy to listen to me go on about. And vice versa. She had an extensive understanding of psychology and the social sciences, which I must confess I’ve never been very good with. And she was well-read, having devoured many of the classics, which I’ve never found the time for.

“After I built the ‘lookout’–what we called the new place–our discussions bordered more on the philosophical. Maybe it was looking out into the universe every night that caused us to think more on the fantastic. Whatever it was, it was incredible.” He closed his eyes. “Being there, under the stars with Kameko … it was one of the happiest things I’ve ever known.”


	8. Chapter 8

“What do you think happens when you die?” She said it without looking at him.

“Hm? Oh, I don’t know. I don’t really think about it much, to be honest.” Donatello mirrored her, lying back with his hands behind his head and looking out into the stars. “You’re still thinking about that car accident you saw today?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I guess it’s got a real hold on me.”

“That's okay, I understand. Um, I’m sorry, I just don’t have much to contribute on the topic, I'm afraid.”

She chewed at her lip, still focused it seemed, on the issue. “Do you think we really go somewhere, like heaven or something? That’s what a lot of people think.”

Don thought long and hard about his answer. “Well, I can’t say. I guess I really only ‘believe’ in those things that I can see or touch–things that can be observed with our senses. But I wouldn’t say that such things aren’t possible. There are lots of mysteries in the world that science has yet to explain.”

“Yeah.” She sighed dreamily.

“What do _you_ think?”

“I’m not sure either. But I like thinking about it. When I was little, my grandma used to tell me bible stories and I thought they were really cool. I believed in it then, but now …”

“You don’t? What changed your mind?”

“Well, now that I’m older, those stories sound pretty out there. I mean, okay, like get this one–it was called ‘The Ten Plagues,' right? That one was my favorite. Basically, this pharaoh guy really got under God’s skin somehow–I forget exactly how, I think he was keeping some of God’s people as slaves, so this pharaoh was a pretty bad guy–and all these plagues start to come down on his people. There’s like, a plague of locusts, a plague of frogs … a plague of blood even. The rivers literally ran with blood instead of water!”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah, kinda cool, right?” She grinned mischievously. “Well, except for the last one. The last plague is the Passover one.” Her tone fell. “That one always made me feel a little bad. In that one, this angel of death flies over all the houses, killing the first-born child in each house.”

“What, really?”

“Well, I think they could get out of it by putting a symbol on the door. So like, if you believed in God and feared his wrath, then you were spared. But I don’t know. Still seems pretty harsh to me. Especially when it seemed like it was the pharaoh himself that was being the jerk, not the poor people that lived there. The pharaoh’s son died too, but even that seems screwed up–I mean, what if you were that kid? Just because your dad’s a moron, you have to get killed for it? It just doesn’t seem right.”

“I admit I’m no theologian, but I understand that there are some decidedly dark things in Western beliefs. Eastern philosophies are a little easier to stomach.”

“Is that what your family believes? Are you guys Buddhists?”

“Oh,” he said, struggling to find the right words, “well, not exactly. My father passes on some of the teachings of Buddha but he sort of integrates it into our training and general studies about life. It’s doesn’t really go as far as ‘believing in things you can’t see,’ so much as it is just a philosophy on how to live life harmoniously. I think Sensei has a more pantheistic view of things. But he never forces any sort of beliefs on us. He’s always said that that sort of thing is a personal journey, for us to decide for ourselves.”

“Yeah, that sounds right. Mama used to make me go to church but now she doesn’t seem to care so much about it anymore. Like I said, my grandma was super religious. I guess she really forced it on my mom and her brothers. But I think it kind of messed my mom up a little, because she doesn’t seem very happy to talk about it much. I don’t think being spiritual is really a bad thing, it’s just weird when people get all bent outta shape about it.” 

He frowned. “Using fear to control people isn’t right, no matter the cause.”

“Definitely. But I don’t think that you should necessarily shun a belief system just because a few rotten people screw up the translation, either.”

“Good point.” Don smiled to himself. Kame was certainly wise beyond her years, he thought. It was something he felt he lacked, strangely enough. His master was often fond of saying that Don was brilliant, however he had yet to learn the wisdom that usually came only with age. It seemed like with her, it was a skill that came naturally. 

She sighed. “I used to pray a lot when I was younger. Sometimes I still even talk to God, in my head.” She looked a little embarrassed. “I don’t know if he’s real but it makes me feel better sometimes, like I’m not alone in the world.”

“That’s only natural.” Don breathed in deep, letting the cool night air fill his lungs. "No one wants be alone."

“Yeah. But when I think of God, I think of a nice god. Not one that would hurt innocent people, or punish people that didn’t deserve it. Sometimes I don’t like the god in the Bible–he sounds mean and scary. In Sunday school they said if we didn’t believe we’d go to hell and that used to scare me a lot, too.”

“So it doesn’t anymore?”

“Nah. Like I said, nobody knows, right? So why am I gonna waste my time being afraid of what other people say? I’m gonna believe what I want. And I think God–if he’s real–would be nice. Like a father. If he’s really the all-knowing creator of the universe, then he’ll understand me, right? He should know how confusing it is for one little human down here and not get angry just because we can’t figure it all out.”

Donatello laughed. “That sounds logical.”

She giggled. “Thanks. Hey, you wanna know a secret?”

“What?”

“Well, my Sunday school teacher once told us that we all go to the same heaven but once you’re there, you get to do whatever you want. So, it’s kind of like you get to go to your own personal version of heaven. She went around the room and asked each of us kids what our heaven would be.”

“So what did you say?”

“Well … I lied.”

He gave her a funny look. "Isn’t lying considered one of the great sins?”

She cocked her head. “Oh yeeeah … it is. That’s funny, I never thought of that. I sinned in church. Oops.” She laughed, shrugging. Cupping her hands to her mouth, she said skyward, “Sorry about that!” Don laughed. "Now I'm good. See, that's called 'repenting.' Basically, anything bad you do gets erased as long as you apologize to the Big Guy. Like, even if you murder people, as long as you say you're sorry you can still get into heaven."

Don shook his head, a bit dazed. "No offense, but this is a very strange belief system," he said.

She shrugged. “Hey, I didn't make the rules. Anyways, there I was in class, trying to think of something. All the other kids were saying stuff like, there would be all their favorite toys, they’d get to eat ice cream every day–the usual stuff. The girls all wanted to be princesses and the boys wanted to race cars or ride dinosaurs or something. I remember there was this one boy, he was kinda crazy. He said he wanted to set fires to stuff and watch them burn. The teacher got a little upset about that one. A few years ago he actually _did_ get in trouble for setting a house on fire. I think he’s still in Juvie.”

“‘Juvie’?”

“Juvenile detention. It’s where they send kids that break the law.”

“Oh, right.” He blinked, the concept foreign to him.

“So anyways, I just gave some BS answer, like being a princess or something.”

“How come?”

“Well, you know. I’ve told you before what it’s like in school. Sunday school isn’t any different. Most of ‘em are the same kids anyways. I just get teased for stuff like this, y’know? You gotta learn to conform or they eat ya alive in there. They just repeat the same boring crap to each other over and over again. Whatever. I learned to keep most of my good ideas to myself early on.” 

“That’s because you’re smarter than they are.”

He saw her smile, before she looked away. Was she actually blushing? “Aw, c’mon.”

“It’s true.” He propped himself up on one elbow. “You’re the smartest person I know.”

She laughed. “I’m the only person you know!” When their laughter died down a bit, she went on. “So anyways, do you wanna know what my idea of paradise is, or not?”

Hamming it up a little, he rolled his hand towards her. “But of course. Do go on.”

“Well, don’t laugh okay?” She paused. She closed her eyes and breathed deep. When she spoke next, her tone had changed; her words came slowly and carefully, enveloped in the peace and longing that told Donatello she truly felt deep inside. “I always see the same thing in my head. I’m looking at the longest bookcase you’ve ever seen. You can’t even see the end of it. And there’s every book, every story ever conceived there. Any and every idea that’s ever been thought up by anybody.

“Some books are big and thick, and some are small, but they all look old. Most are bound really heavily, like in a nice, rich leather. There’s dust on all of 'em and a few cobwebs too–but not in a dirty way. Just in an old and timeless way, like when you go into one of those small, hole-in-the-wall bookstores that don’t get a lot of customers. Books that haven’t been touched in who knows how long, full of ancient secrets and treasures waiting to be found. I just love the way it smells in those places, of paper and dust and time.”

She opened her eyes, staring up at the stars. “I can see my hand reach out and pull at one of the books. I open it up, and that’s when my new life begins.”

“Your new life?”

“Yeah. That’s my idea of heaven, or, I guess it’s kind of like reincarnation. I pick a world, a life from any story and I live that one next. And when I finish–when I die again–I come back to the endless bookshelf and choose another adventure to try.”

“Huh.” He blinked a few times, looking up at the sky.

“What? You think it’s stupid, don’t you?”

“No! No way. I think that sounds ... unique. And great. I never would've come up with anything that creative myself, that's for sure.” He paused. “So how does it work exactly? Are you aware that you’re in a fake world each time, or does it all seem real when you’re actually living it?”

“Well, I thought about that one a bit. At first, I thought it would be cool to actually _be_ reincarnated that way, to pick and choose what life you want ahead of time. Only, it’s not _real_ reincarnation–remember, these are just stories from books, so it just seems real while I’m in it. Sort of like a dream. That would be pretty rad. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized what that really meant–that everyone I love and care about in the story wouldn’t be real, just figments of my imagination. So then I realized, I wouldn’t know if I was in one of those stories, even right now! And I don’t want it to be like that.” She suddenly looked upset. “I couldn’t take it if I died and found out my mom and dad weren’t real.” She looked at him. “Or you, Donnie.”

“Well, not to worry,” he said, smiling wide. “As far as I know, I am not part of anyone’s dream.”

She smirked. “Hm. Y'know, being a giant talking turtle doesn’t help your case much.”

“You’ve got me there.” They both laughed, the sound reverberating off the walls of their hideout. 

“So anyways, forget all that. I decided that I’d live this life–this real one–and when I die, I’m goin’ to that great bookshelf in the sky. And I’m just gonna pop in, with the full knowledge of who I am and hang out in my favorite stories, that’s all. So maybe that’s not quite as deep an explanation for the whole ‘mystery of life and death.' But hey, it’s my fantasy.”

Don chuckled. "I don't know. That's as deep as any theory I've ever heard. So what's the first book?" 

“Oh that’s easy. It’s gotta be _Lord of the Rings._ I could live in Middle-Earth forever, seriously. I’d probably be an elf, they’re kind of like the ninjas in that story.” She looked off, thinking. “But there’s plenty of other good ones. Narnia is another great one, _A Wrinkle in Time, Alice in Wonderland, Sherlock Holmes_ –oooh! I’d have to do _Treasure Island, Robinson Crusoe_ and _The Black Stallion …_ probably _Moby Dick,_ eventually. _Island of the Blue Dolphins,_ for sure. Oh! I almost forgot _James and the Giant Peach_ –boy that’s gonna be a weird one.”

Don looked overwhelmed. “I've never even heard of most of those. I didn’t know you read so much.”

“Oh yeah, I’m always reading something. One day I wanna maybe do illustrations for novels, if I get good enough at drawing, that is. Right now I’m reading _Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea._ It’s pretty good so far. I might have to put that one on the list too, we’ll see.” She propped herself up on her elbows. “What about you, Donnie?”

“What about me?”

“Which book universe would you want to live in?”

“Oh, well … I don’t really read much of that stuff, actually,” he admitted. “That’s more my brothers’ thing. I read more than they do but it’s all non-fiction for me. Raph doesn’t really read books much but I’ve seen him go for the occasional horror novel. If it has blood and guts or any violent stuff, he’s all over it.” Don rolled his eyes. “And Mikey reads mostly comic books but he gets into a fantasy or sci-fi book every once in a while. I think he’s read a couple of those that you mentioned.”

“What about your other brother, Leo?”

“Well, Leo reads a lot. Nearly as much as I do, now that I think of it. But for Leo it’s usually books on philosophy and fighting techniques. He’s also into a lot of history, especially ones concerning war and strategy. He reads some fictional stuff too, mostly the big epic ones that feature warfare. Raph will get into those too sometimes, if there’s enough bloodshed.”

“Oh.”

He turned towards her, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“Well–so none of that sort of thing interests you? Don’t you like reading about other worlds?”

“Oh, but I do.” He spoke up with enthusiasm. “But desire for exploration need not reach into the realm of fantasy.”

She squinted at him. “What do you mean?”

“Look up there.” He pointed upwards at the sky. “There’s more out there than you can fathom. There are more stars and planets in the universe than there are grains of sand on every beach on Earth.”

“Holy cow. Is that really true?”

“Oh yeah! We can’t even begin to observe it all." Now it was Don's turn to ramble excitedly. "For as far into the universe that we see, there’s just more and more. Many theorize that it is, in fact, infinite. Doesn’t make the idea of alien life sound too crazy, does it?”

“I guess not. But thinking about the universe stretching on for eternity–whew. I feel kinda dumb saying this, but that’s hard for me to wrap my brain around.”

“Not at all. The concept of infinity is difficult for anyone, myself included. But it’s not so different than your ideas on eternal life, either. It almost hurts to think too deeply about it, in a way. But I don’t know, I find that really exciting. Science is all about challenging and explaining the things we don’t understand. As we discover more and more, we advance in our understanding of who we are and our place in the world. Here on a tiny, miniscule speck amongst an infinite number of worlds. And if we continue to learn and evolve as intelligent life, so might others. One day, we may be able to travel to other worlds and see them.”

“Wow. I guess I never really thought about it too much. Lots of people believe in aliens, but there’s no real proof to back it up, right? I mean, all those alien abduction stories are fake.”

He chuckled. "Right. _Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.*_ But if we could evolve from a single cell here and advance to where we are, it doesn’t seem unlikely that the same could happen elsewhere, especially with so many possibilities out there. I believe that if we keep searching, eventually we’ll find things we’ve never imagined.”

“That’s really beautiful.”

“Is it?” He looked embarrassed. “I’ve been uh, brushing up on my astronomy lately.”

She nodded. “It’s weird. I spend a lot of time trying to escape this world and find other, more interesting ones. But you know what I’ve realized, the more I talk to you?”

“What’s that?”

“That there’s so much to explore, right here in the real world. And I’m not even talking about the universe. Even right here on Earth, there’s so much to learn about how everything works. Discovering new things and understanding the world around us is sort of like breaking new ground, finding new ‘worlds’ here within our own.”

He smiled. “That’s right. And scientific theory is the key that will unlock each mystery. There is no limit to how much we can learn, as long as we never lose the will to learn it.”

She sighed happily. “I wish I knew as much as you do, Donnie. I probably would, if I didn’t spend so much time drawing and daydreaming, maybe.”

“Now,” he said with a grin, shaking his head slightly, “there’s that misconception about scientists again.”

“What’s that?”

“That we’re all staunchy, egg-headed people only capable of analytical thought. The truth is, it takes a very creative mind to envision new concepts and challenge existing theories in ways people have never thought of before. All great scientists, at their core, are dreamers.” Giggling, Kame gave him a sly look. “What’s so funny?” he asked.

“You said, ‘we’re.’ So are you a ninja-turtle-scientist, then?”

“Oh, heh. Well, I guess out of the four of us that exist, that title would belong to me. I guess …” he said, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice, “… I guess I’ll never truly be a scientist by trade given my obvious, um ... handicap.”

“Hey now. I don't think of it as a handicap. Especially after all those sick ninja moves you keep showing off," she said, elbowing him. "Besides, you don’t have to have a big important career to do what you love. You can be an underground scientist. You could get papers published anonymously. Just say you’re a big recluse or something, people would buy it. You guys are known for being eccentric, right?”

“That’s true,” he said, brightening. "Though ‘underground’ is a little more literal in my case.”

She smiled. “Donnie?”

“Yeah?”

“I really like talking to you. I feel like, I don’t know ... you just get it.”

“Oh um, thanks.” He laughed his usual, somewhat nervous-sounding laugh. “I like talking about this stuff with you too, Kame. I’m actually relieved it doesn’t bore you, I’ve never really had anyone to talk to about these sorts of topics. It gets um, kind of lonely, living in my own head all of the time.”

She didn’t say anything. Instead, she looked at him with an easy smile, reached down and took his hand in hers. They lay there like that in silence for a while, lying flat with their backs against the dingy blankets they’d dragged up into their new hideout, staring upwards into the stars and the countless worlds beyond. The night was warm and quiet. No one else existed here but the two of them, high atop their perch in this land of forgotten junk and refuse. Donatello thought that he should have felt nervous holding her hand like this but the anxiety wasn’t there for once. As he laid there next to her, looking up at the billions of galaxies above, he found himself wishing that time would stop here on this second forever.

“Donnie?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you afraid to die?” She turned and looked at him, her eyes shining with the reflection of the moon.

“Yes,” he answered.

“So am I.”

“Don’t be afraid, Kameko. I’ll always protect you. I promise I will, for as long as I live.” He stared into her, through her.

She nodded solemnly, turning her attention skyward once again. “Things are gonna change," she said. "I don't know what's in my future, or yours ... but I know that nothing lasts forever. I've always been in a hurry to grow up, to leave school and get out there into the real world ... but now I'm starting to realize something. In my rush to get there, I'm missing out on the here and now. I feel like one day I'm gonna wake up and realize it's all behind me, without me even realizing it." She closed her eyes and opened them again, slowly, dreamily. "And you know what I'll miss the most?"

He swallowed. “What’s that?”

“This.” She smiled and it was beautiful, deep, and a little sad.

He held her look for a few seconds, before they both turned away, looking upwards and into the infinite sky. There was something about her voice that made him understand the fallacy of time; that this instant, while so perfect, like all others was fleeting. He squeezed her hand, again wishing that eternity was this moment. When he spoke, it was a whisper.

“Me too.”

**\----------------------------------**

The room was still. Donatello sat quiet, his story paused. The air was thick, it was heavy; it was the weight of moisture before a thunderstorm. No one made a sound.

Leo looked his brothers over, one by one. Mike had a pained look on his face but it wasn’t from the injury. A small sniffle escaped him as he dragged the back of his hand across his snout. Raphael had sat forward at some point and now had his head bowed just a little too far, in an effort to hide his expression from the others. Finally, Leo looked at Donatello. Don had his eyes closed again. His face was twisted into a hard grimace. If he clenched his teeth any harder, Leo was afraid they would shatter.

He got it. He was finally beginning to understand. Leo had tried to keep his patience throughout Don’s story, even going as far as to pat himself on the back for doing so. He was trying to be a good leader, let Don have it out because that’s what had to be done. Leo would allow him this and the scolding would come after. Or that's what he'd intended, at least.

He didn’t feel like lecturing his brother anymore. Instead, he felt like the world’s biggest, most arrogant asshole. The way Don had talked about this girl, it had started out innocent enough. Of course he'd assumed his brother was infatuated with her for the obvious reasons. He was incensed that Don would risk their safety for his carnal desires. Now Leo sat, disappointed only in himself for not seeing the truth sooner. This girl had been special to Donnie. She'd been something Don really needed in his life, a need that Leo had never even bothered to notice. To think, that there existed inside of his brother this void, a loneliness that the rest of them would never know. It wrenched at his gut with guilt. His master had even tried to allude to this but Leo had not fully understood at the time. Now, listening to Donatello tell his story, hearing the anguish in his voice over that loss … it was all so clear now. Leonardo felt an ache well up in him, taking in what he knew must be only a fraction of the pain his brother was going through.

Before anyone could speak, Donatello started up one last time. Breathing deep, he said, “I’ve talked about her enough. Now I should tell you how she died.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Quote (and a few others, paraphrased here) popularized by Carl Sagan. RIP, you awesome, brilliant dude.


	9. Chapter 9

"I knew immediately, when I saw him. I knew something was wrong. I just had this bad feeling-I mean, I know it isn't logical–but I always worried about her being there alone and we'd had trouble once before … so I guess it wasn't too far of a stretch. I even remember thinking that he seemed suspicious. He was holding one side of his face but I didn't know why. I didn't assume he was injured there, I just thought he was acting strange.” He gave a small, bitter laugh. “Odd behavior isn't exactly a rare thing in this city. But he was certainly hurrying away from something and I could swear he was looking around a lot, in the way someone does when they want to make sure they aren't being watched." Don's face went dark. "But I was watching. He didn't see me in the shadows but I saw him clearly. And I will never forget his face, for as long as I live."

The room was silent while Donatello collected his thoughts. The air between the four of them was painfully anticipatory and each of Don’s three brothers felt dread at what was about to come next in Don’s story. Donatello shuddered, took a deep breath, and went on.

“I always told her not to come early.” He spoke in a detached tone. “And she didn’t, usually. She wouldn’t have said so, but after the previous trouble we’d had at the old hideout, I think she was even a little scared to be there by herself. She … she looked to me to protect her.

“But after I built the lookout, we started to get sloppy. It was easy to feel safer up there, away from everything in our little bubble. So she broke our rule a couple of times. And there were times I arrived late, when I couldn’t sneak out at our appointed time. In those instances she was supposed to leave the yard, go back to one of the more well-lit areas down the street and wait a while. But sometimes she didn’t, she just waited in the lookout instead.

“Training ran late. I remember pacing in my room afterwards, anxiously waiting for the rest of you to bed down for the night. It was a special night …” Don’s voice cracked slightly. He cleared his throat. “I had something important to tell her and I was in a hurry to get there.

“There was this voice in my head the entire time. Trying to be the voice of reason, it kept telling me that she was fine, that she knew not to be there alone. It told me that vagrants wandered into the junkyard all of the time without issue. But when I saw that man running for the exit, it was like all of the blood left my body. That voice, it kept telling me that I was worried over nothing. She was tough, and smart. Kame knew how to handle herself and I’d been training her on how to fight.

“I didn't listen to that voice; I ignored reason. I don’t even remember running there, or scaling the junk pile.” Donatello was shaking all over now, his chest heaving with quick, short breaths. “B-but I remember the smell. It hit me before I reached the top. We hadn’t seen real battle then at that age, but I still knew the smell of blood, and knew what I was going to find even before I looked.

“That night I left the lair to meet Kame, as I had done so many times before. But when I got there …” Don paused, his voice hitching. “When I got there, s-she was dead. Someone had killed her and left her body there, in the junkyard–right in the place we used to meet.” Tears were welling as he spoke. He suddenly ripped his mask off, letting it fall on the floor beside him. “He killed her in _our_ place … the one I made for her.” He pressed his palms into his eyes. He sat there, sobbing quietly in front of them all, unable to hold it back any longer.

It was too much for Leo. He rose, coming to Donatello’s side and kneeling next to him, wrapping one arm around his shoulders. “Donnie, I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say, instead pulling his brother closer. Don lowered his head and leaned in towards him, keeping his hands over his face and releasing all the pent-up sorrow that had plagued him for five long years. Leo looked at Raph for support but only saw the same helplessness and worry reflected back at him. Leo gently pulled back a bit and tried to get Don to look at him. Gripping his shoulders, he rubbed one in a comforting gesture. “C’mon Donnie–it’s going to be okay.”

“That’s not even the worst of it. He-he hurt her, Leo.” He looked up at his older brother then, pure devastation in his eyes, before burying them again. “Before he killed her–that bastard–he _hurt_ her.” 

He didn’t have to elaborate, Leonardo understood what that meant. He felt anger well up inside him, pure disgust for the type of monster that could do something so heinous– _and to a child._ It was suddenly making more sense. Don’s anger and frustration towards that man had just broken him; who’s to say any one of them might not have done the same? He quickly shot a glance at Michelangelo, afraid that his more rambunctious brother might once again say something inappropriate, but there was no reason to worry. Mike was seated in the same position he had been, frozen in speechlessness. 

Leo shook his head. “I’m sorry, Donnie. It’s not right.” He said what they all were thinking. “Why didn’t you ever tell us?” 

Struggling to compose himself, Donatello responded. “I don’t know … I just … it just hurt so bad. I kept her a secret for so long. I didn’t know what to say.”

“It’s alright, it’s okay.” Leo sat back and laid a heavy hand on Don's shoulder. “But dammit Don, you shouldn’t have kept this all to yourself. We would’ve understood.”

“Yeah,” Raph added, determined but unable to find the right thing to say. He shuffled in his seat for a few moments before deciding t go over to where they were seated on the floor. It was obvious to anyone watching that he was out of his element here. Still, he kneeled and laid a hand on Donatello’s shell, rubbing it slightly. “S’alright, Donnie. C’mon, ya don’t gotta feel so bad.”

Don suddenly looked up at them. “Don’t you understand? It’s my fault. _It’s all my fault._ She never would’ve been there, never would have been in danger if it wasn’t for me. It was my selfishness that brought her there, to that place–and I knew! I knew it was dangerous … but I–I needed her. I wanted to have her, and she died for it.” He buried his face again, ashamed. “It was all my fault,” he repeated.

Leonardo exchanged a troubled look with Raphael. “Donnie,” Leo said, “don’t say that.” He pulled Don towards him, forcing his brother to look at him. “Really. Listen to me.” He paused, waiting for his brother to look at him. When Don finally did, Leo said, “Bad things happen to good people. We know this. It’s why we do what we do. But we can’t protect everyone. You just do the best you can.”

Don shook his head dejectedly. “But Leo …”

“No.” Leo said, “You should not bear the guilt for this. From what you’ve told us, you were nothing but a positive thing in that girl’s life. C’mon Donnie,” he said, shaking his brother slightly, “you’re smarter than this. The man that did this? He’s the one that deserves to feel bad for it, not you.”

“I guess.” Don wiped his face with his hands. He sat, rubbing his forehead. “But she was … she was my friend. And I let her die. I couldn’t protect her.”

“Hey.” It was Raphael’s turn. “Don, it’s done. Feelin’ this bad ain’t gonna bring her back.” Raph shared in his older brother’s sense of concern and worry for the younger two and having to see Donatello like this was really putting him in a bad spot. He was ashamed at himself for not seeing the severity of this sooner. Sure, Raph was always the first one in when one of them was in physical danger, but he wasn’t exactly equipped to deal with their more _emotional_ needs, so to speak. Besides, Leo was always hovering over the rest of them enough that Raph didn’t really have to concern himself with that sort of thing. As a matter of fact, it was one of the things they were constantly at odds on, Raph often insisting that Leo worried too much. But Leo had been right about this from the start. It was hard not to feel some regret at overlooking what in hindsight were the now obvious signs of his younger brother’s torment through the years.

“I know.”

“But, uh …” Raph scratched the back of his head. “… is there uh, anything we can do to help?”

“We’ll get that guy.” Michelangelo suddenly piped up sounding angry and very unlike his usual self. “We’ll get the guy who did it, that’s what.” 

Donatello suddenly looked up at the youngest, sitting forward in his bed where he hadn't moved throughout the story. “Yes. Yes, I want to do that. I want to make him pay for what he did.” He sighed. “But he’s gone now. I let him get away. I don’t know if we’ll ever find him again.” 

“Vermin always return to scavenge,” Leo added. “If he showed his face tonight, he’ll show it again.” 

“Forget it,” Don said. “I’ve already dragged you guys into this enough. I can’t believe I acted so ... irrationally. Mikey could’ve gotten killed.”

“Hey.” Leo said, gripping Don’s shoulder tight and giving him another slight shake. “That’s enough now. You’ve already apologized for that. And I think we all understand now what drove you. Mike’s fine.” His face settled back into a familiar look, as Leo put his disciplinarian mask back on. “Not to mention, I have on good authority that there were some mistakes being made on Mike and Raph’s end as well. Something I intend to correct in our next training run.” He shot a disappointed look at the other two.

“Aw, man,” Mike whined. “C’mon Leo, I told ya that guy tricked me–he was playing dead!”

“I heard a lot of laughter and screwing around going on above me prior to that, little brother,” Leo said. He turned, addressing Don again. “Donnie, listen. We’ll get him. Especially if he’s involved in trafficking cargo for the Foot and their affiliates, it’s only a matter of time before we cross paths again.”

Something about the conviction in Leo’s voice made Don hopeful. Rubbing his eyes, he looked up. “You really think so?”

Leo nodded. “It’s good you finally told us. We’ll help you, Donnie. We’ll make sure he won’t hurt anyone else. And this time we’ll do it together.” 

Donatello sighed again, long and deep. In spite of everything, it was good to know his brothers were behind him. “Okay. Okay … thanks. Thanks you guys, I mean it.” Don sniffed, rubbed his face and casually replaced his mask, slightly embarrassed now for having lost control in front of them. 

“Donnie.” Leo sounded sad, the weight of his own guilt now coming forward. “It’s alright, just please-don’t keep anything like this from us again. We’re family. We need to stick together in all things.”

“He’s right.” Raph said. “You're makin’ us all look like assholes, ya know. I know we give ya a lotta shit for bein’ a geek an’ all, but uh …” he stalled out, reaching up and pulling at the ends of his mask in an effort to find the right words.

“It’s not that.” Don attempted to put his brother at ease. “I don’t know. I guess it’s a lot of things. I was ashamed that I revealed myself to her in the first place, and I was embarrassed at where my relationship was going with her.” He stopped there for a second, squeezing his eyes shut before going on. “I was actually going to introduce her to you guys, and Sensei. I had decided that night, just before it happened. I couldn't wait to tell her.” He looked away from them again but managed to keep his emotions under control this time. Suddenly, he remembered the book in his lap. “Oh uh, here.” He opened it up, thumbing to a place in the book that was worn from use. The fact that he’d hidden her in this particular book, one titled, _Advanced Robotics Made Easy,_ was clearly no accident but a homage to his lost friend.

“It’s my only picture of her and it’s an obituary.” He sighed, showing them.

They gathered around, looking solemnly on the article. “You were right, Donnie,” Leo said. “She was beautiful.”

“Yeah. She was.” He closed his eyes for a second, remembering. “Beautiful and brilliant. And kind.” Another tear welled up. He wiped it away before it could escape. “She didn’t deserve this.”

They sat there in silence for a few moments, each of the brothers not knowing what to say next. Finally, Donatello spoke again. “I’m sorry, you guys. I feel ridiculous crying in front of you all like this. As if you guys already didn’t think of me as a complete wuss.”

Raphael grunted a terse laugh. “Well ... ya are a wuss,” he said, dropping his tone, “but not ‘cause a this. I gotta be honest, I never thought you were gonna tell us what ya told us just now.” He took a deep breath, exhaling and shaking his head. “This is some pretty heavy stuff, an’ I dunno that I would a done better in your place.”

“Yeah Raph would’ve gone nuclear, that’s for sure.” Mike said, looking at his easily angered brother. “You can’t even deal with Leo getting on your case without wrecking stuff, dude.” Raphael was about to retort in his familiar, aggressive fashion, only he stopped himself just in time to realize that he would’ve been proving Mike’s point for him. Before he could think of something witty to respond with however, Leo spoke up. 

“I know I couldn’t have lived with such a secret for so long. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like.” He wanted to say more, wanted to apologize for everything, but just couldn’t find the words. Leo always felt responsible for his brothers, and this was no exception; the fact that things had spiraled so far out of control with his geekier brother weighed on him. What kind of a leader lets his soldiers fall like this ?

“It's alright.” Don breathed deep and exhaled, his body shuddering with the effort. “I’m actually glad that’s it out now. I only wish I’d told you guys sooner.”

“And what about Sensei?” Leo asked. Don looked down, biting his lip. Leo said softly, “He’s really worried about you, you know.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Don, he’s not going to be disappointed in you, if that’s what you think.”

Raph frowned. “Take it easy, Leo. Donnie’ll talk to Master Splinter when he feels like it.”

Don sighed, mulling it over. “I broke his trust. I don't know how I can face him with this." Considering how much more leeway his sensei had given him over his topside excursions, Don wasn't rushing to admit he'd exploited his master's generosity by going against his greatest rule. "It's like you said before, Leo-it's like I've been lying to him all these years."

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but Raphael beat him to the punch. "Tell him or don't tell him. We ain't gonna rat on ya either way, right?" Raphael looked to the other two turtles, and they nodded in assurance. “You just do what ya wanna do.”

“Ha ha–‘rat’ on ya–I get it.” The words were hardly out of his mouth when Mike was again met with two evil stares from his oldest brothers. He snapped his mouth shut.

Don gave a tired but genuine smile to his goofy brother before answering. “Thanks. But Leo’s right. I need to talk to Sensei. Really, I probably should’ve a long time ago.”


	10. Chapter 10

Weeks passed by but they were yet to get a solid lead. The brothers had been true to their word. Every night since Donatello’s story they’d gone on patrol, searching for the man responsible for Kameko’s death. In the beginning it was only the three of them but as Michelangelo’s arm healed, he eventually joined them, though he was still under orders not to overdo it.

They’d started at the most obvious place, returning to the warehouse where it all began. It became apparent though, after many nights of no activity, that the place had been abandoned. They were getting nowhere fast and though Leo tried to keep everyone’s spirits up, the lack of progress began to wear down on them all; but for none so much as Donatello. As each day passed, he tried to stay hopeful, but that was a battle in and of itself. It was good that his brothers wanted to help, that they’d devoted each night to searching on his behalf, but he couldn’t stop feeding the thought that it wasn’t right to involve them. This was his fight and he’d already gotten them into enough trouble over it.

So he went himself. Late at night, long after they’d returned home as a team, he would go on solo runs. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t have any more information, nor did he do anything differently than they’d been doing as a group. But it gave him some sort of relief to be out and doing something, to avoid the nightmares that permeated his sleep every night.

It wasn't long before this routine began to catch up to him. Exhaustion, both mental and physical, was setting in and Donatello knew that he wouldn't be able to keep up this pace forever. Knowing that he was approaching his breaking point didn't stop him though, or slow his pace even a little. His deteriorating state was not lost on his brothers either. Several times Leo had suggested that Don remain home for the evening, that he let them handle it, but of course his request was always refused. Leo didn’t push too hard about it, though in retrospect he wished he had.

It was another night of patrol and all four were there. Mike, though still sore and limited to the use of only one nunchaku, seemed happy enough to get out after so much time in the lair. He was babbling happily away as usual, going on about something the rest of them weren’t really listening to. They had just begun the evening, Leo taking them on a hard run across the rooftops, heading for the place uptown he’d picked prior for tonight’s stakeout.

They both heard the sound–a heavy _whump_ noise–before Michelangelo shouted. 

“Oh shit! You guys!”

Leo and Raph both came screeching to a halt. Turning around, they took in the scene at the same time, neither hesitating in hauling back to where the two younger turtles were. Mike was there, kneeling, his hands on his brother, who, it looked like, had apparently fallen face first into the snow. Donatello was attempting to push himself up with shaky arms but wasn’t quite achieving it. Mike was talking to him, but he wasn’t speaking loud enough for the others to hear.

Leo made it there first. “What happened?”

Michelangelo looked up, worried. “I dunno, he just fell!”

They took his arms, helping him into a sitting position. “Donnie, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Leo peered closely into his brother’s eyes.

“Yeah, I just …” Don said, swallowing. “I just blacked out for a second …”

“Alright, that’s enough. Don, we’re taking you home.”

“No, I’m fine! Just let me catch my breath-”

“No, Donnie,” Leo said patiently, “you need rest.” He said to the others, “C’mon. Help me get him up.”

Donatello was too weak to argue. Back at the lair, they made sure he went right to bed. Leo checked in on him a couple of hours later and saw that he was asleep but it offered little comfort to their leader. He didn’t need to tell the others that they were going to call it a night; it went without saying that they all felt the need to stay home for the rest of the evening.

Hours later found Leonardo in the kitchen, reading a book on Mongolian war strategy, attempting to get his mind away from the doubts that swirled around inside.

“Hey Leo.”

“Mikey. How’s your arm?”

“It’s fine.” He stretched. “Still sore, I guess.” Mike leaned against the kitchen counter, standing there without purpose. 

Leonardo leaned back in his chair, looking up from his book. A large cup of tea sat on the table in front of him, steam still rising from the liquid inside. “What’s up?”

Mike pulled out a chair and plopped down next to his brother, speaking in a low tone so that the others wouldn’t hear. “I dunno … I feel real bad about Donnie.” He looked it. It was strange, seeing Mike so down.

“Yeah. Me too, little brother.” Leo put a hand on Mike’s forearm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “But he’ll be alright. Don’t worry about it.”

“I thought he’d change, be happy again. Y’know, after he told us.”

Leo smiled. He dog-eared his book and closed it. “Well, it’s not that simple, Mikey. Don’s been feeling bad about this for a long time. It’s going to take some time for him to get over it. I think talking to us about it helped, though.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mike affirmed, but still didn’t look happy about it.

“Hey, you know what you can do to help?”

“What?”

“Just hang out with him. Don’t get on his nerves. Remind him that he’s important, and that we need him around here. And,” Leo lectured, “watch the jokes. You tend to push it a little too far sometimes.”

“Yeah, yeah. So I’ve heard.” He scrunched up his face.

Leo thought for a second more. “Oh, and I wouldn’t bring up the subject unless he does. I don’t think it’s wise to pressure him to talk about it further, unless he wants to.”

“Okay, whatever. But what if we don’t find that guy, Leo? We can’t just let him go free, right?”

Leo sighed. “No, Mikey, we won’t. We’re just going to have to keep looking. It’s the best we can do.” Mike didn’t know it, but he was driving the knife right in. Leo had spent the last few sleepless nights wondering if they were ever going to resolve this and after tonight, felt even more pressure to do so. He wondered if he was taking them in the right direction.

“I feel really pissed at that guy. I mean, more than the usual bad guy, ‘cause it’s like he actually hurt Donnie.”

“I know. You’re right, this is a lot more personal.”

“But we have to _do_ something, Leo.” Mike was looking at his brother pleadingly, almost begging him to make this right. “If we don’t get that guy, I don’t think Donnie’s ever gonna feel better.”

Leo furrowed his brow. “I know, Mikey. But try to stay positive, huh? We’ll get him eventually. You just have to be patient.” It didn’t come out sounding very strong, he thought. Who was he really trying to convince here?

“Yeah, but how? I mean, we’ve been watching those dudes on the move for weeks now, but no sign of him. He’s not Foot or Yakuza–he's just some dude. How’re we ever gonna find one guy in the whole city?”

“I don’t know!” Leo snapped. Surprised at himself, he relaxed his tone. “I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers.” He rubbed his forehead. “You’re starting to sound like Raph.”

Mike stood up. “Yeah, well … maybe Raph’s right, dude. I dunno. Maybe we should rough some of those guys up. Start asking some questions. ‘Cause what we’re doing now isn’t exactly getting us anywhere.” 

With that, Mike left the room. Leo sat for a few minutes, staring at the closed book on the table. Mike was right. But what could he do? It wasn’t like the four of them could exactly waltz right up to these guys and demand answers. Sure, he was taking them along the more cautious route, keeping them at a distance for now, but it was safer that way. And recent events had made him realize that he needed to get this team in better shape before engaging in any more brawls. 

Raphael was always the most vocal in his displeasure but it was rare to see Mikey side with him in such matters. With two charges questioning him, it was adding more fuel to the fire heating up inside. Feeling exhausted, Leo closed his eyes in mild meditation, attempting to clear these thoughts for now. After a few minutes he stood, walking to the sink and pouring out his tea, deciding to check on Don one last time before heading off to his own room for the night.

**\----------------------------------**

Another night passed, followed by another. Though the three of them continued to scour the city each night, Don was under orders to stay back for the time being. He didn’t protest too much, seeming to understand that he was pretty much useless in his current condition. It wasn’t the only thing holding him there however. It wasn’t hard for them to see that Don was losing hope at finding Kame’s killer with each passing day.

After yet another discouraging night of patrol with nothing new to report, the three returned to the lair, separating to begin winding down for the evening; Mike and Raph to kick back in front of the TV, Leonardo into the dojo for meditation. It wasn’t long before Leo returned to those same thoughts again, convinced that they were on the wrong path. Unable to find the peace he needed to clear his mind, he decided it was time to have a talk with his team.

Leo stood, heading for Raphael’s room. Were this any other situation, Leo knew he would’ve been going to Don for answers but that wasn’t an option this time. He made ready, reminding himself not to let Raph get him too worked up, to attempt to talk to him without engaging in the argument that was most likely to come.

“Hey Raph?” No answer. He cracked open the door and looked inside. The room was empty. He walked into the living room, where he could hear the TV on. “Hey, have you guys seen Raph?” Mike and Don were both there, sitting on the couch. Mike was engrossed in some show and Don had a book in his lap, scribbling into the margins of it with a pencil. 

“He’s out with Casey,” Don said, looking up. “I’m on watch tonight–he said he’ll be back by two.”

Out again. At least he'd followed orders and told someone this time. Once they'd gotten old enough to begin leaving the lair solo, it was policy to always let someone else know. But of course Raphael had always felt that rules didn't apply to him. After having to pull him out of more than one scrape, not only did they insist he tell them when he was leaving but as an added precaution one or more of them would wait up until he returned.

So tonight Don was waiting. And the other two times, it was Mikey. That made three times this week, and Leonardo didn’t like it. His brother was up to something and he suspected he knew what it was. 

“Alright. Get some sleep tonight though, you two. Tomorrow’s going to be a full day.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Yup.”

Leo left, retiring to his room. As he lay there staring at the ceiling, unable to take his own advice, he decided that sleep was overrated. He was going to find out what was going on for himself.

**\----------------------------------**

“Going somewhere?”

Raphael actually jumped a little, his hands going to the weapons on his belt as a reaction. His startled look only remained for a split second however, as he realized whose voice it was. “Huh. What’s it to you? I already told the other guys, if that’s what you're on about.” He stood back from the ladder, having been just seconds away from heading up. He knew Leo had probably tracked him through his phone. It made Raph sour. If it weren't such a necessity at times (such as the occasional call for backup after an ambush), he would've smashed the damn thing to pieces years ago.

“Yeah, I know. Actually, you’ve been very careful, following the rules perfectly.” Leo stepped out of the shadows and into the small bit of light shining from the cracks in the manhole above.

Raphael gave his older brother an annoyed look. “So what’s the problem? Now you're gonna get after me for _followin’_ orders? Make up your damn mind already.”

“You overdid it Raph,” Leo said, shaking his head. “Being this cooperative only makes you look all the more suspicious.”

Raph growled. “I think your mask’s on too tight. Relax, will ya? I’m just goin’ out with Casey.”

“Really? So if I call Casey right now, that’s what he’ll say?” He didn’t wait for Raph to respond. “That’s funny, I could’ve sworn when I talked to April earlier this week, she told me they had a big date planned tonight.”

Raphael wasn’t hard to get going, but this situation was catching fire, and fast. It was insulting enough that his brother had been able to surprise him like he did; now Leo had caught him in his lie to boot. “Guess you heard wrong,” he said through clenched teeth. He turned, making to leave.

“Raph, wait!” Leo grabbed Raphael’s arm, pulling him around. Raph shrugged him off forcefully but turned to face their leader nevertheless. “I know what you’re doing, so let’s just drop it, alright?” He looked away briefly, in disgust. “True to form, you can’t follow one order.”

“Save it. I heard it all before.”

“Yeah? I’m getting a little bit tired of this same conversation myself, Raph. What, do you think I spend all of my time training, just to get under _your_ skin specifically? You just don’t even consider doing what I say anymore, do you?”

“How about, I’m worried about Donnie? That okay for ya? It might be hard for you to accept this Leo, but it ain’t always about _you.”_

“We’re all worried about him,” Leo snapped. “It doesn’t give you the right to defy my orders and go off on your own!” 

Raphael snarled back, “Okay, so how about I been followin’ your damn orders–been followin’ ‘em for weeks now-and nothin’s happened! How long ya gonna make us keep sneakin’ around, doin’ the same crap over and over?”

“We’re ninjas, Raphael. Operating under the cover of shadow is what we do.” Leo changed gears a bit. “Look, I want to help Don as much as you do-”

“Then help him!” Raph shouted, cutting him off. “What’re we doin’ out here Leo? We just gonna sit around, waitin’ for that guy to pass on by? This is fuckin’ stupid.”

Leo steadied his gaze on his brother, attempting to maintain his patience. “We can’t just barrel in and demand answers from the whole crime syndicate. We barely got out of the last scrape intact-Mikey almost got killed, for crying out loud!” He narrowed his eyes. “I’m doing what’s best for all of us.”

“Yeah, you done wonders so far, _Fearless Leader._ Ya practically pushed Donnie right off that roof. Sent him over the edge, literally.”

Leo looked shocked, like he’d been caught. “That wasn’t my fault.”

“The hell it wasn’t!” Raph bared his teeth. “You know what your problem is? You just can’t let anybody else help ya out with nothin’. You think you gotta figure it all out by yourself, or daddy won’t love ya.”

“Damn it, Raph! Listen-” 

“Nah, _you_ listen to _me._ I had it up to here with your crap.” He moved in close, until he was inches from Leo’s face. “But it ain’t about me this time. Now you're screwin’ up and Donnie’s the one payin’ for it.”

Leo crossed his arms defiantly, looking away. “Well, I don’t see you coming up with any great ideas.” 

“Because you ain’t lettin’ me! Your ego’s so overblown, ya won’t let the rest of us make any decisions.” Amazingly, Raphael lowered his tone. “I talk to Sensei too, ya know.”

That hit him. Leo’s shoulders drooped and he hung his head. “He thinks I'm a complete failure. I didn’t listen to his advice and everything went wrong.” He covered his face in shame. “I made things worse for Don, pushed him … Mikey almost died! You're right, that wasn’t Don’s fault. It was mine.”

Raph sighed. “Knock it off with that, already. Master Splinter’s tough on ya, but there’s no way he thinks you're the big failure _you_ think you are. Get a grip, for crissakes.” He thought for a second. “You think I don’t get the same kinda lectures from him?” He huffed, looking down at his feet. “He ain’t exactly happy that I fly off the handle all the time.”

Leo looked up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Nothin’ makes you feel more guilty than seein’ how much ya worry your own dad.” He grabbed at the tails of his mask, winding them through his fingers absently. “Or your brothers ...”

Leo blinked a few times. “I’ve never heard you talk like this before.”

“What’re ya, surprised?”

He thought it over for a second. “I guess not. I just never pegged you as one to open up about things.”

“Yeah, well … it ain’t exactly my strong suit, what can I say. But uh, even I got my breakin’ point, I guess.”

“Hm.” Leo’s face told his brother he was over-thinking again.

“C’mon Leo, forget your hang-ups for a minute and get back to the real problem. Don’s all messed up over this an’ we gotta do somethin’. I can’t take seein’ him like this anymore. Christ, even Mikey’s all mopey lately.”

“I know.” Leonardo stood conflicted. He could see that Raphael had a point. Since Don’s story came out, things had been nothing but tense around the lair. Don wasn’t getting any better–if anything, he was worse. He was trying not to show it but it was too obvious to the rest of them, even outside his little blackout on the rooftops. But what could they do? Their clan was suffering as a whole, and as leader, the responsibility fell to him to make things right again.

Leo sighed, thinking back to the conversation he and Mike had had in the kitchen. “Maybe you’re right. I just … I just don’t know what the right thing to do is, anymore.”

Raph felt a little bad at that. Sure he and Leo butted head almost constantly–but they were still brothers. And Leo was just looking out for them. For him. In this life of constant fighting and turmoil, it was hard to stay mad at the guy who was just trying to keep them all alive. “Yeah well, maybe I should a talked to ya about it sooner. I guess uh ... maybe it ain’t right for me to go behind your back, either.”

“Careful, that almost sounds like an apology.” Leo smiled a little and crossed his arms, regarding his brother. “I have to admit, you do keep things exciting around here.”

“Heh. Can’t let ya get too comfy in your job.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Believe me, this job is _anything_ but easy. Maybe we ought to trade places for a couple of weeks.”

“Ah, piece a cake.” Raphael got a sparkle in his eye. “The Foot wouldn’t know what hit ‘em.”

“Yeah right. More like, you’d all end up in the infirmary–or worse. Oh, and if we’re switching roles here, then don’t forget I’ll be doing exactly the opposite of everything you say.”

“Huh. Well, then I’ll just order ya to do the opposite of what I want.”

“Well, aren’t you clever,” Leo said. He put a hand to his chin, thinking. An opportunity to return some of the grief he'd endured from his chronically insubordinate brother was tempting. “Maybe this isn't such a bad idea, though …”

“Say the word, Fearless." Raph looked at his fingernails casually, teasing his brother. "Just don't be jealous when I show ya up at your own job. An' if you think you're gonna trip me up, think again. I always know what you're up to.”

“Is that so?”

“C’mon.” Raph smirked. “I can read ya like a book. You're easy, Mikey’s _real_ easy … used to think Donnie was, too.”

With that, they’d come back to the reason behind why they were standing out here in the first place. Leo took a deep breath and plunged in. “Alright Raph, say I agree to some … let’s call it– _recon_ –in some of these criminally infested areas.”

“Yeah?” Raphael’s face lit up. 

“I was thinking,” Leo continued, “that it might not be wise to involve the others, though. Don needs more rest and Mike’s still not at a hundred percent yet himself. Plus, if it was just the two of us, we could watch each other’s backs but still be able to maintain a low profile.”

“Now you're talkin’.” Raphael drew a sai and spun it in anticipation.

Leo went on. "But I’ll need some information first. I'm going to assume this isn't your first venture out, right?"

Raph averted his eyes, but kept his smile. “Ya got me.”

“Alright, spill it.”

“I didn’t do anything too crazy. I got Case to go in a couple times with me … but I dunno. Casey ain’t exactly a genius when it comes to stayin’ outta trouble. I had to pull ‘em outta one fight already, ‘cause a his big mouth.”

“That’s great,” Leo deadpanned. “You know, it scares me that out of the two of you, _you’re_ the reasonable one.” Raph grunted, but didn’t respond, so Leo went on. “What did you guys do, exactly?”

“Just went into a couple of bars, asked some questions. Nothin’ major.”

Leonardo frowned. “You went in yourself?”

“Yeah.” Raph puffed up. “An’ I asked some a the questions.”

Leo looked at his brother suspiciously. “And nobody thought it odd that you look like a giant turtle?”

Raphael chuckled with confidence, talking down to his older brother playfully. “It ain’t that hard, Leo. ‘Specially in winter, what with all the clothes. I could show ya a few tricks.”

Leo was shaking his head. “Every day it’s something else with you.” He had assumed that his brother had just been beating up the occasional street thug in dimly lit alleys. But to learn that Raphael had actually gone inside buildings, in a place where humans congregated–he could hardly believe it.

“Ya really need to learn to relax, ya know that? Look, I only ever go with Casey. We stick to the darker places, an’ I cover up real good. Nobody ever looks at each other in this city, you know that. It ain’t as big a deal as ya think.”

Leo threw his hands in the air, unwilling to argue about it further. “Fine, whatever. Just tell me where you went, then.”

Raphael let out a deep breath. “Nowhere specific, really. I thought maybe Case and I would start around those bars on the waterfront, not too far from where the fight was. I figured he might a been one a those dock rats. Lots of those guys are off the radar, you know? Paid under the table. We went to three different places down there.”

“Did you find anything?”

He shook his head. “Nothin’. Nobody’d even heard of the guy. I started thinkin’ that maybe he was involved with one a those groups. I even cornered a couple of Foot one night and tried to beat some info outta them, but they didn’t gimme nothin’ either.

“So, then I got to thinkin’ that maybe he was with the Yakuzas. I mean, I know we been tailin’ those guys,” he said, referring to their patrols. “But that don’t mean he ain’t hidin’ out somewhere. Tonight I thought I’d hit Chinatown and scope it out a little bit. Y’know, ask some a the locals.”

“Ugh, _Raph.”_ Leo buried his head in his hands. 

“What? C’mon Leo, I wasn’t really gonna get into it with ‘em.”

“Right. You always say that, and then what happens?” Raph scowled, but he knew Leo was right. Though he didn’t say, one of the reasons he’d avoided that particular group was that it was too dangerous to approach them alone. The Foot were different; as bad as they were, they still fought by ninja code and that meant ninja weapons–no guns. And though they were deadly enemies, Raph was still more confident going up against another ninja than a group of men wielding semi-automatics. 

“Alright, I had enough lecturin’ tonight. So where do _you_ think we should go?”

Leo thought on it a moment before speaking. “Well, what do we know? He was working with two groups, the Yakuza and the Foot. Now, he wasn’t dressed like them, so he’s obviously not a member of either. The Foot, as far as I know, never hire non-Foot members. Even their lowest grunts wear ninja gear to keep their identities hidden.”

“You think he _was_ with the suits, then?”

Well he is Asian–Don said Chinese–so there’s that. The Foot will take in anyone, but the Yakuza are pretty strict about who they associate with. They’re not too keen on fraternizing with non-Asians.”

“Hmm … evil and racist. Whaddaya know. Ain’t the Yakuzas Japanese, though?”

“Don said that here in the States they’re not as concerned about country of origin. And while that doesn’t mean he is one of them for sure, it does make it a possibility.” Leo frowned. “However, he wasn’t dressed like they were either, so he couldn’t be a full member. Did you see any tattoos on him?”

“Nah. But I wasn’t exactly close enough to tell.”

Leo nodded. “That’s alright. Don would remember, and he didn’t mention any when we asked. I have a hunch that this guy was in their employ, though. A lot of these guys get their foot in the door by doing jobs like this, before working their way up to full membership.”

Raphael straightened, stowing his sai. “Alright, Yakuza it is.”

“It makes the most sense. I spoke with Don about it in length, and he was pretty sure of the same thing.”

“So. Chinatown?”

Leo gave his brother a nod. “Chinatown.”


	11. Chapter 11

Leo shoved his hands in his pockets, hurrying, but careful not to seem conspicuous. He walked along the sidewalk as any human, forcing himself to blend in. He began doing this a couple nights ago, walking to their meeting place instead of keeping to the shadows as he normally would. He felt it helped him get ready and more prepared for the task to come.

It had been a week since he’d confronted Raphael in the sewers. Since that time, he and Raph had gone out every night, just the two of them, after their group patrol. It was easier to sneak around the rest of the family they’d decided, if one of them were to leave first, with the other meeting up later on. Eventually someone might figure it out, but it would look a lot less suspicious than if Raph and Leo were leaving together every night. He had to hand it to his brother. For all of Leo’s contempt, he had actually been extremely impressed by Raphael’s ability to blend in with the humans. Up to this point, they’d always tried to avoid being seen; content to fight in shadow, whenever some thug had gotten a glimpse of them it was always assumed that they were wearing costumes. No one would ever readily believe that they were getting a beat-down from a mutant turtle and upon waking, most often thought it was a fabrication of their rattled minds.

As Leo went along, he thought back to that first night when Raph had showed him the art of walking amongst humans. 

_“We’re gonna need to do somethin’ about your swords,” Raph had said. “Prob’ly should just move ‘em lower, like down the leg.” He helped Leo remove his straps, tying them around his waist instead. After a little adjusting, they finally secured a katana down each pant leg. With the baggy pants Leo had on, it was impossible to tell for the untrained eye._

_“Hm, that’s cumbersome. I’m not going to be able to bend my legs very far.”_

_“Don’t worry, we ain’t gonna be sittin’ down. An’ if it comes to a fight, they’ll already be in your hands.”_

_“It’s not going to be easy to get to them like this, either.”_

_“Yep. Not preferable to keep my sais hidden either, but we ain’t gotta choice. Can’t exactly go into these places with blades showin’. You bring gloves?”_

_He nodded, showing his hands; three-fingered and covered in black cloth. “I’m going to have to thank April again for taking the time to knit them for all of us.”_

_Raphael dug around inside of his backpack. “Okay, put this on.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“Nylon. There’s holes cut out for your eyes and mouth. An’ take your mask off.” Raph slipped on his own cover. “Tones down the green, makes our skin just look a little dark instead.”_

_“Wow, that’s good thinking.” Raph didn’t respond, but Leo caught the smile creeping over the side of his brother’s face._

_“Alright, hat on, scarf around your mouth.” He did the same, as he gave instructions. “And hood up. Don’t forget to keep the scarf high, remember there’s supposed to be a nose under there.”_

_“Got it.”_

_“Alright, lookin’ good.” And he was right, Leo could see. Looking at Raph, he wouldn’t have known there was a turtle inside all of that clothing. “Now let’s go over a few behaviors.”_

_“Like what?”_

_“Like, watch what you do. Try to blend in. Don’t do exactly what I’m doin’, or it’ll look weird. Let’s see,” he said, looking Leo up and down. "You keep your hands inside the front pockets there, I’ll keep mine at my sides, in fists. That’ll keep our digits hidden, without lookin’ like copies of each other.”_

_“Makes sense.”_

_“Also, keep your head down, and avoid eye contact. Goes without sayin’, but if someone’s lookin’ at ya too hard, just move somewhere else.”_

_“Alright.”_

_“Okay, we ready?”_

_“As we’ll ever be, I guess. Hey Raph?”_

_“What?”_

_“Good work. I have to admit, I was a little worried when I agreed to this, but … well, I’m impressed.”_

_“Holy hell, Leo. I musta’ got somethin’ stuck in my ear, ‘cause I think ya just gave me a compliment.”_

_Leo burst into laughter, suddenly. There was something about the way Raph said it that Leo found hilarious, and soon Raph was joining him, their combined laughter carrying upwards into the night air. It felt good, in spite of the dark work ahead of them._

Thinking back on it now, Leo almost began laughing again. Would have, most likely, if he hadn’t arrived at their appointed place.

“Hey.”

“Hey. ‘Bout time.” 

“Sorry, I couldn’t get Mikey off my back. He kept going on about some comic book or something. I distracted him with food.”

Raphael grunted a laugh. “Jus’ like an animal. So we goin’ to that big place tonight? The one on Broadway?”

“I guess so. It’s going to be pretty busy at this hour though. We should wait outside a bit, I think, until things die down.”

“You're the boss.”

And so they went. The weather had been getting significantly more bitter as the days went on and the brothers had to keep moving to keep their blood active. It didn’t take them long to get there. When they arrived, it was just past midnight and the party was raging. Music was blaring out of the front doors and several tipsy-looking patrons stood outside, smoking and talking loudly. All in all, it wasn’t a large or expensive establishment, nor was it particularly dingy, but somewhere in between the two. Raph and Leo had decided to stick to an alley across the street and observe from there for a while. Soon enough, they saw several members of the Yakuza enter and exit the bar, again unmistakable in their nice suits and threatening tattoos.

They hadn’t had much luck finding the man they were after yet, but some reliable info the night before had tipped them off to this place. It was a known haven for the Yakuza and a hotbed for a lot of their activity. The owner and head bartender himself was reputed to be in league with them; said to be on the take for agreeing to allow the more prominent Yakuza bosses to meet in rooms hidden somewhere inside. It was suggested that anyone in connection with the gang would have passed through there at some point.

After a couple of hours of watching people come and go, the brothers decided it was time to head inside and find out for themselves.

**\----------------------------------**

The bartender was cleaning a glass. He flicked his eyes up and down once, taking in the figure before him. “We don’t serve kids here.”

Raphael snarled under his scarf. “Short joke. Hilarious,” he muttered. “I ain’t here for your swill, asshole. I’m lookin’ for a guy. In his thirties, thin, Chinese. Blind in his left eye. You seen anyone like that come through recently?”

“Not sure. I see a lotta people.” He squinted. “Something wrong with your face?”

“Skin condition, don’t worry about it. You seen the guy, or what?”

“Maybe I have. What’s it worth to you?”

“How about I let ya keep those pretty looks a yours.” Leo was close enough to hear the exchange and was beginning to regret letting Raphael take the reigns after all.

“That’s funny.” The bartender put both (very large) arms firmly on the counter. “And just what do you think you’re gonna do, little man?” The bartender, a good foot and a half taller at least, looked straight at Raphael, daring him to act.

He couldn’t see Raphael smile under the scarf. It seemed to the man that the sai materialized out of thin air. He hadn’t seen Raph go for it–indeed, hadn’t even seen the "little man" move at all–but there it was, sticking out of the back of the bartender’s hand, pinning it to the counter. The man just stood, dumbfounded, looking at it for a split second before reacting. 

The bartender let out a wail quite unbefitting a man his size. Raphael punched him in the mouth, pausing the man’s scream. “Shut it!” Raph leaped up over the bar, wrenching the sai out of the counter as he did so. “Or it’s goin’ in your throat next!”

The man fell to the floor, cowering and cradling his wounded hand. He looked at Raphael with sheer disbelief. “Y–you,” he stammered. "You’re dead! The others, they’ll-” 

Raph moved in, brandishing the bloody sai close to the man’s face. “They’ll what? Come after us?” He threw his head back, laughing sadistically. “If they’re anything like you tough guy, I don’t think we got a lot to worry about.”

There weren’t a lot of people left in the place at this hour but as soon as the bartender cried out, those remaining immediately took action. Leo watched as the place began to empty. He didn’t think they were leaving for good though, and a second later those suspicions were confirmed as shouts were heard coming from the back end of the building.

“Raph! We’ve got trouble!”

If Raphael heard his brother, he didn’t make it known. “Tell me where he is!” He gave the man a hard kick, driving his boot into the wailing man’s ribs. He proceeded to follow that up with a series of punches, pummeling the guy until he was bloody and bruised.

“I–I don’t know! I swear!”

Raphael growled in frustration and turned his sai, cracking the man in the jaw with the hilt. “Don’t screw with me!” He knew the man was stalling for time. “You know somethin’.” Driving his sai into the wood beside him, Raph grabbed the man’s hand with both of his own. Instantly, there was a loud cracking sound, as Raphael broke two of the man’s fingers in one twist. The bartender screamed in agony. 

_“Where is he!”_

“H-He comes in here with Rikki’s crew sometimes–they hang around some shitty restaurant off Bayard Street! Don’t tell Rikki it was me that told you!”

“There.” Raph smiled. "Now that wasn’t so hard was it.” Freeing his sai from the wall, Raphael leaned in, bringing the tip close to the bartender’s eye. “Now don’t go tellin’ those guys we were here lookin’ for him, ya got me?”

He swallowed hard. “I won’t! P-please, just don’t kill me! I swear I won’t tell-”

_“Raph get down!”_

He had just enough time to turn and see Leo sprint past the bar, his swords already in hand. The first shot fired had missed, thankfully. The gunman never got a chance for a second shot. “Damn,” Raph grunted, pulling his other sai and joining his brother at his side.

Just as Leo had predicted, one or more of the patrons that had fled the bar before were now returning with more of their friends. There were only two obvious entrances to the place and they were located on the opposite end of this room. Men were spilling in both doors. Leo cursed under his breath. This was bad. He ducked down, kicking up a table and propping it on its side. “Raph!”

Raphael had been able to take out two gunmen instantly before diving to the floor and rolling behind Leo’s makeshift barrier. “We need to get out of here, now!” Leo shouted.

Bullets were flying all around them. A man appeared to Leo’s right suddenly, leveling an uzi at his face. Leonardo was lightning. Before he could even squeeze the trigger, the man fell to the ground, his throat neatly cut. 

“Only way t’go is back,” Raph said, carefully peering out from behind the table. He dodged behind the wood suddenly, narrowly missing another bullet. “Jeez, it’s gettin’ hot in here!” 

Leo managed a quick look himself. Raph wasn’t lying; there were dozens of men now and more coming in by the second. It was too many for them. “Alright.” He grabbed a hold of the table’s base, nodding to Raphael. “On three, we throw and go. Just get to the bar, okay?”

“Leo.” Raph’s eyes bored through his brother. “He said a restaurant on Bayard–said he was a part of a gang under a guy named ‘Rikki’.”

Leonardo grimaced. As unwilling as he was to accept it, he knew exactly why Raph was sharing this information now. “I heard him, brother. We’re going to get out of this, I promise.” He gripped the table. “You ready?” Raph nodded. “One, two-”

_“Three!”_ A large, circular table came sailing through the air, crushing down on several assailants and bowling them backwards into their brethren. It was a good move. Like dominoes, it sent quite a few of the men to the floor and left the rest momentarily dumbstruck. Unfortunately it bought them little time, as the men left standing saw the two turtles running for cover. They opened fire immediately. Amid a flurry of bullets, the two brothers bolted for the cover of the bar.

Leonardo was a second ahead of his brother. He leaped over the counter, turning and grabbing a hold of Raphael and throwing him down to the floor. There, the two of them sat catching their breath with their backs to the bar. Bullets were flying into the bottles in front of them, causing shards of glass and alcohol to rain down everywhere. A long mirror that had once been behind the bar was now in pieces all over the floor and surrounding area. Leo himself had several nicks and scratches from their retreat here, but he had to be thankful that they were at least wearing boots.

“You okay?”

Raph nodded. “You?” Leo didn’t answer, but noticed right then that Raphael was holding his shoulder. There was blood soaking through his jacket there. Raph noticed the worried look on his brother’s face and said, “I’m alright, let's go!”

Leonardo didn’t hesitate. “On my signal, we smoke the place and head for the door.” There was one door in the vicinity, located there behind the bar a few feet from them. It lead to the employee area in the back and what Leo hoped was another exit. _“Now!”_ The two of them tossed several pellets over the counter, causing the room to erupt in smoke. They bolted for the door, Leonardo heading in first. 

Leonardo, though he hoped otherwise, would have been more surprised if there weren’t enemies waiting for them. It seemed like nearly every fight threw impossible odds at them and he wouldn’t have expected any less now. But they'd come prepared. Kicking the door open with his foot, Leo tossed in his remaining smoke pellet and hit the floor. Raphael followed suit. As a result, the first bullets coming at them whizzed over the tops of their heads.

They’d entered a kitchen area. It was small enough that the two of them were able to get the layout of the room just before it filled with smoke. The exit, of course, was where the new thugs were currently pouring in from, and they were going to have to clear a path if they wanted to escape. “Raph, my three!” Leo shouted his orders, dodging to the left and thrusting his katanas into the sea of humans there. The smoke in the room made it slightly harder to breathe, though having scarves around their mouths helped. The main advantage here however, was that neither brother needed his eyes to fight and the benefits of that became apparent almost immediately.

“On it!” Raph went right, holding down the other side. He had pulled his other sai, but was keeping it close mainly for defensive purposes, the arm on that side too useless now for attacking. He was making up for it with the other. One man fell, screaming–then another, followed by more. Leo kept his ears sharp, ready to aid his brother if he needed it, but he was pleased to hear that Raph was holding his own.

Though their enemies may have been blind, it didn’t make their bullets any less deadly. Shots were scattering everywhere in the dark and the brothers remained low, trying to avoid what they could. On the plus side, some of those bullets were finding homes in other gangsters, as several dropped to the ground from friendly fire. Each turtle sliced his way through the crowd unseen, until finally they both reached the door.

Raphael was the first out. Unsurprisingly, there were several thugs waiting out there as well. Before they opened fire, Raph shouted back to his brother, giving him the head’s up.

“Leo! More in the alley!”

More, and the number was growing. Raph was amazed that there were so many here; it was almost unbelievable that they’d been able to congregate in the short time he and Leo had been here. He seemed to remember hearing something about the Yakuza meeting here, in some of the back rooms, or maybe it was the basement. He shuddered to think how bad it might have gone for them if they hadn’t waited for the main room to empty out a bit. He’d have to give his brother a pat on the back later for that little insight. Assuming they made it out of this, that was.

Doing his best to stay alive, Raphael dove behind a dumpster, finding temporary refuge there while anxiously watching the door waiting for his brother to emerge. He was just beginning to worry when Leo showed. “Raph!” he shouted immediately. Leo had one katana stowed awkwardly, sticking out of the back of his waistline. He was reaching into his front pocket with his free hand. Raphael already knew what was coming before Leo gave his command. “Lights out, go north!” 

Raphael shielded his eyes until the brightness faded and then did as instructed, leaping instantly onto the nearby fire escape and heading for the rooftops. They almost always carried smoke pellets in any situation but the flash grenades were a new addition to their arsenal, thanks to their house engineer. There was no doubt it was their saving grace today, as the bullets ceased momentarily, allowing both turtles to retreat skyward. With any luck, their enemies might even take Leo’s command literally, following the streets north in pursuit, not understanding the true meaning behind the code word.

When they reached the top, Leo spared a look back to his injured brother. One of Raph’s sleeves was completely red. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Raph shouted as they ran. “Keep goin’!”

They tore across the rooftops, unseen and safe in an environment only they could traverse with such ease. It was their territory, and right now was the perfect route to escape retaliation from the men who were grounded to the streets below. When they’d gotten some distance away, Leo slowed his pace somewhat, Raphael keeping in step. Leo kept stealing glances at his brother as they went.

_“What?”_ Raph said finally, exasperated.

“You really worked that guy over back there,” Leo said, a little uneasily. “That something you do a lot?”

“Hey, ya gotta break a few eggs, right?” His face twisted into an evil grin.

Leo frowned. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you enjoyed that.”

“So? You gonna tell me that guy didn’t deserve it? He knows who his customers are. It don’t pay to go soft on guys like him, Leo. He’s givin’ those jerks a safe haven, lettin’ 'em congregate in his place. Who knows how many dirty dealings go on inside there.” Raph was panting heavily between sentences, and so Leo dropped his pace another step.

“Maybe you’re right, but …”

“But what?"

Leo rolled his eyes. “Forget it.”

“Don’t matter anyways,” Raph muttered under his breath. “He’s servin’ drinks in hell, now.”

“You killed him?” Leo hadn’t noticed in the confusion. Interrogation was one thing, but murdering the man … Leonardo didn’t know how he felt about that. This was teetering on some moral grey area. 

Raphael made a disgusted noise. “No I didn’t kill him! Maybe you noticed that the place was gettin’ shot up? S’kinda hard to get outta a firefight like that alive. If you ain’t a ninja, that is.”

Leonardo sighed. “Fair enough. I suppose that’s good for us, though.” It bothered him, but it did work out in their favor. It would buy them some time to find Kameko’s murderer, assuming he hadn’t caught wind already that there were people looking for him. “But I have a feeling that we don’t have a lot of time, regardless. He wasn’t exactly the first person we’ve questioned, and word tends to travel quickly through the criminal underground.”

They kept on at a steady pace until they were close enough to the lair. Eventually, Leo slowed to a stop and again Raphael mimicked his movements. Leo bent over, panting heavily and attempting to catch his breath. His clothes soaked in sweat, he reached up, tearing off his headgear and drinking in the cold, fresh air. He straightened up, unzipping his jacket as well, relishing the chill with an insatiable appetite. His lungs hurt with the cold, but it felt too good, exhilarating; in these moments following a hard workout–following an intense battle especially–this was when he felt the most alive.

When he’d gotten enough air, Leo turned to his brother with an incredulous look and said, “I can’t believe we made it out of there.” He chuckled, the relief washing over him finally. 

Raph held up the hood he’d been wearing with one hand, examining it in the city light. There was a nice, clean bullet hole through the side of it. “Check it out–don’t come much closer than that!”

Leo’s eyes widened. He looked himself over. “I’ve got a couple too,” he said, showing off another hole in his pant leg. 

Raphael laughed gruffly. “That’s turtle luck for ya. We might get screwed in the actual fight, but we always come outta it alive, somehow.”

Leonardo grinned at the idea. “I like to think of it of more as ‘skill’ than ‘luck,’ myself.” He dropped his smile somewhat, centering back on a more familiar look of concern. “But we’re not out yet. How’s your shoulder?”

“Hurts.” Raph answered nonchalantly.

“Let me see.” Leo looked, but it was just a mess of skin, clothing and blood. “It’s not bleeding too much now, I guess that’s good. Doesn’t look like a bullet hole though. More of a cut.”

“Yeah, I dunno when it happened. Didn’t realize ‘til we got behind the bar. Prob’ly just hit some debris. There was shit flyin’ everywhere in there.”

“You said it,” Leo added. “That was pretty intense.” A somewhat reluctant grin began to creep over his face. “Not that I want to make a habit out of this or anything, but I think I’m starting to understand why you and Casey pick as many fights as you do.” Leo sounded happy, despite their close call. And he was. Still hopped up on the adrenaline of battle, the mood was heightened by the fact that he and his problematic brother had actually fought well together for a change. And to top it all off, they’d finally gotten some information on the man they were looking for. All in all, just the two of them being here, alive-it felt like a triumph to the oldest turtle.

“Hey, you let us get into that kinda action and I might just tag along more often.” Raphael grinned. “But uh ... to be honest, after tonight I could use a little downtime.”

Leo laughed. “Never thought I’d hear _you_ say that. C’mon, let’s get you back and stitched up.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Donnie?”

Donatello sat up in bed. It was Leo, and he sounded anxious. Don was getting up even before he answered. “What is it, what’s the matter?”

“Raph–he needs stitches. It’s not serious.”

Donatello scrambled, searching for the light. “Huh. I’ll be the judge of that. Where is he?”

“In the infirmary already.”

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, Don followed Leo out. Raphael was there, sitting on one of the beds and holding his shoulder. Don looked at the blood that had soaked through and down Raph’s sleeve. “Oh yeah, he looks _great,_ Leo,” Don said, annoyed. He shook his head and muttered under his breath, “Not serious …” He grabbed a metal box from the cabinet and opened it up, looking around inside. “So what was it this time? Jumped by the Foot? Picking fights with the Dragons again? I suppose Leo has already chewed you out.” With a rag and bottle of disinfectant in hand, he approached his injured brother.

Raph and Leo exchanged a look. “Not exactly,” Leo said.

Don looked at Leo, then back at Raphael. “What? What is it?”

“Don … we think we may have found a lead on that guy. The one that killed your friend.”

Don stiffened, pausing his action in mid-air. He stared at Leo for a second, initially with a look of hope; but his face changed as he realized what his brother meant. “You mean–wait. You said ‘we’? You guys were out … _together?”_

Raphael grunted a laugh. “Yep. Hard to believe, I know.”

“And you were looking for _him …”_ Don trailed off in thought.

“Yes,” Leo said. “You were right, he is affiliated with the Yakuza, but not a member. We’re going to need to check it out as soon as possible, though.” 

Don shot an angry look at his brother. “We? This is ridiculous. I’m not going to keep watching the rest of you put yourselves on the line for this. Why didn’t you guys tell me what you were doing?” Disgusted, Don looked away, grabbing a pair of scissors. “So much for not keeping secrets,” he muttered. 

Raph and Leo exchanged a look. Leo spoke again. “We … just wanted to help.”

“You can help by not getting yourselves killed.” He pulled Raphael’s hand away abruptly, surveying the damage. Still fuming, he began cutting away the cloth from around the area. After a few snips, he began probing, looking inside the wound.

“Don’t overreact, it ain’t that bad.”

“Raphael, there’s a huge shard of glass in here.”

With that, Leo stepped in closer. “Really? How bad is it?”

Don looked at his older brother with contempt. “It’s a huge freaking piece of glass, Leo.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe you guys. I expect this from Raph, but you, Leo?” 

Leonardo didn’t answer. He was getting that look of shame again, the one that said he was questioning whether he’d made the right decision. “Hey, c’mon Donnie. Take it easy.” Raph grunted as their doctor began cleaning the area. “Like Leo said, we were just tryin’ to help.”

Donatello sighed. He put the scissors down on the table and stood there for a minute, looking at his hands. “I know. I’m sorry. I just–I feel like I shouldn’t have involved you guys in this. That’s two of you down now, and for what? Kameko’s gone. It’s stupid to risk the lives of my family for a ghost.” He grabbed Raphael’s shoulders, helping him down. “Lie back. Oh, and Raph?” 

“Yeah?”

“This is going to hurt. A lot.”

**\----------------------------------**

The sun was rising as Donatello made the last stitch. He’d run out of anesthesia when working on Mike and hadn’t been able to acquire more in the meantime. All in all, Raph had done pretty well, but Leo had to keep a firm grip on his wounded brother, to hold him down and steady so that Don could work.

“Sun’s coming up soon,” Leo had said. “We’ll have to wait for tonight. Raph and I didn’t hit too many places though. Chances are good he won’t see us coming. I don’t want to get your hopes up too much, but I’ve got a good feeling about it.” 

Don replayed the conversation in his head, letting the words roll and tumble around. Leo’s plan was to go after Kame’s killer as soon as night arrived to cloak them once again. Their leader had left it at that, unwilling to go into too much detail. Now, with both of them sleeping off the night’s excitement, he wondered how much more tragedy might befall his clan before this was over.

Donatello paused in the hallway outside the bedrooms, listening to them snore lightly, feeling the guilt wash all over him again. Slowly and sleepily, as if in a dream, he went to their rooms one by one, looking in on them.

Leo’s door was open. His older brother slept with the same countenance that he exhibited in all things; quiet, determined, and resolute. His body lay straight, his breathing even and strong. Truly, it wasn’t hard to understand why he’d been chosen as leader. Looking at his brother even now as he slept, Donatello imagined him lying as a king would, his dreams undoubtedly those of war and command.

Leonardo was wracked with guilt, he knew. Their leader defaulted to a sense of shame and self-condemnation whenever anything went wrong. It was strange, being the one that caused this thing in him, when it was almost always Raphael that filled those particular shoes. What was it that Leo had said? That he never had to worry about Donatello. Smart, reliable, predictable Donnie–it was he whom Leo came to for reassurance and for backup when the others were getting out of line. He’d sounded so disappointed, so betrayed by him. Angry with him. Don couldn’t remember a time when his older brother had ever talked to him like that. It was an understanding they had, in a way. Sure, his habits frustrated Leo to no end. They argued and got on each other’s nerves at times. But he understood the pressure of Leo’s position, perhaps more so than the others. Leo relied on him, and he’d broken that trust.

And once Leo had finally understood his motives, it had only been worse. Now his older brother was consumed by the need to set things right. And what had happened? He’d turned to Raphael instead, letting Raph talk him into doing something reckless as a result. Perhaps it wasn’t all bad. Don had to admit it was good to see the two of them get along well enough to accomplish something … but this was too much.

With that thought, Donatello moved on to Raphael’s room. Raph looked peaceful, and he was glad to see his brother resting. It had taken over two hours to remove the glass shard and it was incredible that there hadn’t been more internal damage than there was. Still, it was going to be a while before it was totally healed, and that meant weeks ahead of arguing with him to take it easy. Don had repaired as much of the torn tendon inside that he was able, but he wasn’t confident enough in his ability to say that Raph’s arm would ever be at a hundred percent again. He was impressed with his brother’s stamina, however–not only had the guy fought in that condition and made it home, he’d made it through the procedure to sew it up much better than most would have. Having refused even the pain meds, he was amazed that Raph was sleeping at all.

It was something Leo talked about with him often. It was likely that Raph’s behavior would get him killed one day. He did a lot of dumb, aggressive things in general, but when one of them was in trouble, it was like something clicked in Raph’s head, making him lose utter control. The scary thing was, in those instances he gave no thought to himself whatsoever. His pain tolerance alone was so high, half the time he didn’t even notice that he was injured. Don sighed. Again, he was unhappy with being the reason behind this latest lapse in judgment, unconvinced that seeing yet another brother in the infirmary was worth it. With a final look at his brother’s sleeping form, he let his eyes flick over the white bandage, blinding almost even in the dim light, and hoped he’d done a good enough job cleaning out the wound beneath it. 

Lastly he came to Michelangelo’s room, the one with the loudest snores coming from it. Don placed a hand on Mike’s door, widening it just enough to get a look at his youngest brother. Mike was sprawled on his stomach, one arm and one leg hanging off the edge of the bed. The blankets were twisted around him and he looked anything but comfortable, but the rhythm of his snores said otherwise. 

“Donnie ...”

Donatello stiffened at his name. He supposed he had woken his brother somehow, and was getting ready to answer when Mike spoke again.

“… s’Donnie … he’s sick kinda … mmmnn ... I dunno … yeah it’s ‘cause of you …” Don turned his head, listening close. Now he understood. Mike was talking in his sleep. “… I know … he’s really messed up … yeah … yeah, I guess …” Mike smiled, giggling a little. “… really? … all of us?” Again, he laughed softly and said, “… yeah, sounds cool … must be some book …” Donatello pushed the door open slightly wider, leaning in to get a better listen. “… tried,” Mike went on. “… mmmyeah … dunno … he won’t listen … doesn’t sleep … he thinks so … yeah, I don’t think it’ll make a difference … can’t find the dude anyways …”

He mumbled a little more, but Don couldn’t catch it all. Soon he was back to snoring as loud as ever and Don was left standing there, wondering at what he’d heard. If there was one thing that was brutally apparent from Mike’s ramblings, it was that his little brother was obviously concerned for him, right down to his subconscious. 

It was something he already knew. He’d known that telling them about Kame would bring this. Now that they knew his secret, it brought the cloud that had hung over him over them all. There was some regret there, at telling them, but more at having not told them sooner. He knew now that it would have been best if he’d just been honest with them from the start. But it was too late for that now.

He walked away from Mike’s door and paused there, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes. He understood, knew the bond between them. Knew that they’d do anything for him. Knew because he was one of them, and they were more than family; they were the only ones of their kind. With their safety constantly threatened, they fought together in service to each other, and as such, developed a closeness beyond mere brotherhood, resembling soldiers in time of war. But even having foreseen this, he never thought revealing his story would put them in such danger. Perhaps subconsciously, it was one of the reasons he’d elected to keep his secret for so long. He understood now. It was time to end this, for him, and for them.

But first, there was something he had to do.

**\----------------------------------**

“Father?”

A voice came from inside. “Yes, my son. You may enter.”

Donatello paused, his hand on the sliding door. He took a breath, and opened it. Inside, his master was seated on the tatami mat, sitting like a stone. It was the same way he always greeted them, whenever one of his students came for guidance. Donatello kneeled on the mat facing him. “Sensei, I need to talk to you.”

He began by informing his father about Raphael, since he’d patched him up while their Sensei slept. Splinter listened attentively, satisfied enough at Donatello’s report that Raphael was hurt, but resting and healing fine. When that was finished, Don paused a moment. Finally, he said, “Father … this isn’t the only reason I’m here.”

Splinter nodded knowingly. “I am pleased that you have come to me at last, Donatello," he said. “I have worried for you much, as have your brothers.”

“Yes, Sensei. I know.” Donatello was beginning to choke on his words and he didn’t know if he’d be able to continue. “I-I’m so sorry …”

“My son,” Splinter said gently, “do not bow your head so. There is nothing for you to fear.” 

Donatello nodded slowly, collecting himself. He forced himself to look up. “Father, I have kept a secret from you, from all of you, for many years.”

Splinter nodded. “Go on, my son.” 

And so Don began again. He spoke in great length about the girl he’d cared for and lost to violence. He told of the emptiness he’d carried for so many years as a result. He did not tell his father everything he’d told his brothers; giving his master more of an abridged version of the events, but it had no less of an impact. Splinter said little, allowing Donatello to speak at his own pace. When Don finished, he again hung his head in shame, unable to look into his father’s eyes.

“Donatello, my most brilliant son,” Splinter began. “It is difficult to hear you speak of such things. I am not happy to know that you have suffered so.”

“I’ve made terrible mistakes, Master. I’m sorry.”

“Donatello.” Splinter rose from his place on the floor, stepping lightly towards the kneeling turtle. He placed a hand gently on Donatello’s shoulder. “Look at me.” Slowly, almost painfully, Don raised his head and did as he was told. “My son, you have suffered the loss of a loved one, and I for one, understand this pain.”

Don suddenly realized that he’d never once considered that. Of course. His master didn’t speak of it much, but the loss of his own master so many years ago was something he carried with him always. Though he and his brothers had never known the man, Splinter always spoke of Master Yoshi with a reverence that was both fond and full of sorrow. “I saw him, Sensei," Don said. "I saw the man responsible and went after him … but I put my brothers in danger to do so.” He covered his face. “We were not truthful with you about Michelangelo’s injury. It was my fault he was hurt.”

Splinter furrowed his brow in thought. He took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. “Donatello, you are fierce in battle but gentle in your heart. I see this in the way that you care for us all. You devote yourself not to selfish pursuits, but to those that benefit us as a family.” He placed one gnarled claw on Donatello’s chin, raising it slowly in a bid to get his son to look at him once again. “There is no question that you would not intend to put any of your brothers in danger.”

“But I did, Sensei. That’s exactly what I did.”

He nodded. “Any one of us is capable of falling, my son.” He smiled warmly. “The test is whether you learn to rise again.”

“I don’t know if I can. I feel …” he trailed off, looking around in a daze, “… lost.”

Splinter’s smile belied a quality of sadness. “Your capability for learning is far beyond that of any of us, and though it is most admirable for many reasons, I have never felt that it is your best quality.” He paused there, letting the words sink in. “Donatello my son, it is what I see in your heart that I am most proud of. You are a selfless and caring soul, and I could not ask for better in a child of mine.

“This is a difficult path. Perhaps more so than any that your brothers have faced. When death comes to a loved one, it leaves a scar on the heart that never truly heals. I can offer you words, my son, but I am sorry to say that I cannot take this pain from you.”

“I know, Father. I just … I feel like I have to do something.” His voice changed suddenly and it was as if a shadow passed over his features. “I have to find that man, the one who took her from me.”

The old rat studied him a moment, the worry evident on his face. Nevertheless, he nodded. “I understand this as well, my son.” 

Don remembered. It wasn’t often when they saw their master in doubt, but when Saki had discovered their existence, when Master Splinter had confronted him, it had left their sensei conflicted. He was torn between his hatred for the man who’d murdered his own beloved master but unsure of whether or not to allow his sons to take up the fight. It had taken some convincing on their part. In the end, the Shredder hadn’t given them much of a choice, hunting them down as he did; but Donatello and his brothers had pledged to fight for the honor of their father regardless and to avenge the man who was, by all rights, responsible in part for who they were today.

Splinter sighed. “Revenge is a poisonous thing, my son. It eats at the soul, until it is consumed.”

Donatello looked deep into his father’s eyes, his desperation there. “I can’t let this man go free after what he did.”

“And he should not, for he may harm another.”

“Yes.”

Very low, Splinter said, “What do you intend to do with this man when you find him?”

Donatello again averted his eyes from his father. “I’m not sure.”

“Remember my son: revenge is only satisfying in its conception. Rarely does the outcome serve to fill the emptiness within.” Donatello didn’t answer, his chest heaving with each anxious breath. The old rat stood then, putting his arms around his son and pulling him forward. He laid Donatello’s head against his chest, stroking the top of it with one claw as he had so many times when they were children. “I have faith that you will find your way,” he said. “And know that you must never walk any path alone, for we will always be here for you, my son.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Leo!”

Leonardo paused in mid-stance. Sheathing both katana, he watched as his brother ran into the dojo to greet him. “Mikey. What's the matter?”

“I can’t find Donnie, he’s gone!”

Leo thought for a second. Don didn’t tell him that he was going anywhere. “Did you check with Raph and Master Splinter?”

“Yeah, they don’t know where he is either.” Leonardo was already pulling his cell phone, but Mike cut him off. “I already tried, his phone’s _off.”_

Leo was trying not to let Mike’s panic get to him quite yet. “Okay, let’s just calm down. I’m sure that he probably just forgot to charge it. When was the last time you saw him?”

“Um, a few hours ago. He was hanging out with Raph for a while. I saw him come outta there and he said not to bug Raph 'cause he was sleeping. Oh, and actually–I just talked to Raph, and I don’t think he’s doing too good, Leo.”

“What do you mean?” Leo asked, already heading for the exit.

“I dunno, he’s acting kinda weird. Like, _really_ groggy.”

“We had a pretty long night. I’m still feeling the effects of it myself and I’m not wounded on top of it.”

“Mmmyeah … maybe.” Mike didn’t sound sure.

Leo walked into the infirmary to have a look for himself. Raph was awake when he got there and sitting up on the bed. He looked pretty beat, but otherwise okay. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“How are you feeling? You okay? Mike said you seemed a little out of it.”

Raphael stretched, rubbing his eyes and blinking. He looked like he’d just woken up from a deep sleep. “I’ve felt better. Glad you're here, though. Was just about to come an’ find ya.” He took a long, tired breath. “Leo, I think we got a problem.”

**\----------------------------------**

Donatello had given his rambunctious brother explicit instructions to make himself scarce for the next few hours, insisting that he needed to focus on tinkering around with another invention. True to form, once Don began explaining the finer points of his fabricated work, his little brother became bored with the conversation and went off to find something more in step with his own interests. While he knew that this plan was anything but fool-proof, when Don left he saw with satisfaction that Mike was engaged in some video game and knew that it would buy him at least an hour’s head start.

It was daylight out, the sun still hours away from setting, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything right now, except finding the man who’d made his life hell for the last five years. This was it, he could feel it. Again, his rational mind argued that such a feeling was unfounded, but he ignored the thought. He just didn’t care.

Forget logic, forget critical thinking, forget science, rationality and reason. What drove him now was something else, a desire to end the suffering in his heart. Torn without her all of these years, he sought the only thing that could put a stitch in this wound he’d carried inside for so long: retribution against the one responsible for putting it there in the first place. That son-of-a-bitch was going to pay. 

He let it come. It was a foreign feeling, but so satisfying. He was no stranger to mild forms of anger but his experience with that emotion was usually very brief, and sparked by the ordinary frustrations of life. This was completely different. This rage had built slowly for years, without him consciously realizing it. Now he was allowing it to surface, prepping himself for the confrontation to come. His every nerve-ending tingled now with anticipation. He’d avoided thinking exactly about that moment, but he supposed he knew one thing–he was going to kill this man. He wanted to. He wanted to end his life. It surprised him almost, and stirred something deep inside him that felt bad, wrong. But he stifled that, convincing himself that this was what needed to be done. He had to, for himself, for the safety of the city. But mostly for her. For her honor, Donatello would forego his own code and put this man to death.

It didn’t take him long to find the place. He waited, perched like a cat above the restaurant Raph had told him about. There were several unsavory types congregating in the back alley there and Don watched as they laughed and joked, even their laughter sounding nasty and filled with venom. He would wait here and assess the situation, he decided. But not for long. He’d waited five, long years, and it was all coming to a close tonight.

**\----------------------------------**

“You told him? Well, what did you expect?”

“I didn’t _intend_ to,” Raph said indignantly, “but the sneaky bastard drugged me.”

_“What?”_

“Yeah. I told him I didn’t want nothin’. But this morning he goes and gives me some pills, says they’re just antibiotics or somethin’. Well guess what–they weren’t no antibiotics. Next thing I know I’m in lala land, sayin’ all kinds a crazy shit ...” He put a hand to his face suddenly. “Oh god … I hope I wasn’t talkin’ about what I think I was talkin’ about …”

“Oh man, I can’t believe I missed that!” Mike interrupted. “I hope Donnie filmed it for future viewing.”

“Hmph. I’ll tell ya one thing, I ain’t never takin’ anything he gives me _ever again.”_ He crossed his arms, grumbling, “Can’t even trust my own brother, for cryin’ out loud …”

“Relax, it’s not like he’d give you anything dangerous,” Leo said distractedly. This changed everything. He’d purposely not revealed the information they’d acquired for this very reason. “We can’t waste any time. We need to find him right now. If he’s going after those guys alone …” he trailed off, locking eyes with Raphael. The two of them together had barely escaped a brawl with those men and now Don was attempting to confront them solo. Not to mention it was still light out, another disadvantage for one whose skills relied on staying hidden. Plus, Don hadn’t exactly been thinking straight. As Mike had teased, he wasn’t giving much thought to his own preservation, taking a page out of Raphael’s book. The more Leo thought on it, the more he realized how much danger his brother was in right now.

Leo turned, addressing the younger turtle. “Mikey, you ready for this?”

“You know it, big bro.” He stood up, stretching. “Operation Retrieve-the-Geek is a go.”

“Let’s do it.” With that, Leo turned to leave.

“Hey!” Leo turned back around reluctantly, knowing what was coming next. “I ain’t an invalid over here.” Raph was already getting up.

“Yeah?” Leo arms were crossed and at the ready. “And have those drugs worn off as well?”

“Yes they have, as a matter a fact.” Raph said. “An’ frankly I resent bein’ left out.”

“Forget it Raph. You can’t even use that arm right now.”

“Bark all ya want, I ain’t sittin’ this one out. Mikey ain’t even healed himself, an’ you know you're gonna need the extra help.”

There wasn’t time to argue. His first instinct was to keep Raph home, but again he caught himself. If there was something he’d learned throughout this experience, it was that he didn’t always automatically know what was best. Maybe it was time to put some faith in his brother’s judgment for a change.

“You sure?” His look was discerning but Leo did feel a bit relieved to know that Raph would be there, wounded or no.

“I’m fine, Leo. No worries.” Raph stood, carefully stretching his arm out and rotating the shoulder around slowly. “Say what ya want about the egghead, he knows what he’s doin’ with a scalpel.” He stood, heading out. “Now let’s go bring ‘em home.”

**\----------------------------------**

The men had laughed at him at first. “You mean Johnny Chou? The retard that cleans the cages? You gotta be shitting me.” The man speaking looked over at his cohorts and they all laughed at that, sharing in some inside joke that Don didn’t get the full meaning of. It didn’t matter. He was done wasting time.

Donatello raised his staff. “Where is he?” he growled.

The same man spoke again, ignoring Don’s question. “Man, you look funny. What’s up with that face?”

“Damn Kenny, look at his hands!” one of the others exclaimed. “He’s some kinda deformed freak!”

“Nah, he’s one a those guys,” a third broke in. “You know, the ones Rikki told us about. Said that Saki guy is paying big money for ‘em.” With that, the man began reaching into his coat.

No one ever saw what the man was going for. It could have been a gun, or a phone, or a stick of gum for all they knew. Donatello never gave him the chance. Before the man could utter another word, Don’s staff cracked into his face, knocking him to the ground and out cold in a second flat. Wide-eyed, the men all turned to look at Don but he had returned to the same stance he’d started in, almost as if he’d never moved at all. “I believe I asked you a question,” he continued through clenched teeth.

That did it. The man closest to Don, the one who had spoken initially, shouted just one command. “Get him!” 

The alley erupted in violence. Several men were shouting at each other and everyone was going for their guns. Donatello dodged left, sweeping a couple off of their feet there, then popped back up and dove into the crowd, zeroing in on their weapons. This was a nasty area and the heavy mafia presence here ensured that the cops avoided it regularly. Don was confident that a little bit of noise would get overlooked, but too much gunfire would force the police to take action. If he couldn’t take these guys out quickly enough, he stood in danger of losing his prey once again, and he was not going to let that happen.

Donatello was on fire. Driven by desperation, his senses were far beyond heightened and he willed himself to do this, to not fail. He was doing well so far, and thought offhand that his oldest brother would’ve been proud. Leo often got after him for slacking off on his training in favor of his intellectual pursuits, but if Leo could see him now, it would’ve won him quite a few points. The remaining men paused for a moment, circling him, seeming unsure of their next attack. Don raised his bo menacingly and twirled it above his head, swinging it around his body so fast that they couldn’t avoid it. Several men ended up on the ground, groaning in pain and unable to defend against the large, wooden staff that continued to strike, bruising and battering them with relentless fury.

But for all of his skill, there were quite a few here for a single ninja to take on and it was impossible for Don to secure them all. In the confusion, one slipped away, retreating back through the restaurant door. It was only one, but that was all it took. Just as quickly as the fight began, so too did the tides turn, and Donatello found himself doubting at last that he’d been right in coming here alone in the first place.

**\----------------------------------**

Raphael had a bit of trouble keeping up but he was doing far better than Leo would have thought. It gave their leader some hope and suppressed his worries at bringing not one, but two injured brothers into yet another fight. But despite all of the trouble that Raph gave him in life, he wouldn’t have wanted anyone else at his side in battle.

Leo slowed his pace, signaling to the others behind to do the same. They were close to the location now and Leonardo strained his ears, trying to pick up any sounds of fighting. There were none. He motioned for the others to slip into formation quietly and eased them towards the edge of the roof above the restaurant’s alleyway, unknown to him that he was in the exact position his missing brother had been in just a short while ago.

Scanning the ground below, he saw two Foot soldiers there, standing close to the building. As surprising as that was, it wasn’t what peaked Leo’s interest. Having seen more than his fair share in his lifetime, Leo could recognize the signs of a struggle with one eye closed. He quickly turned, putting his back to the scene and placed one hand on each brother’s shoulder, pulling them in tight for a quick pow-wow. Speaking low, he gave his orders.

“Okay, there’s been a fight. No sign of Don, but there’s two guarding the door, so I’m guessing he’s inside. We’re going to take out those two quietly and stealth inside for as long as we can. You guys let me go in first. Raph–I want you at the rear.”

“Got it.”

“And Raph, you know how the Foot operate. Keep a close eye on our backs, because you know there’s more on the way.”

“Yup.”

“Mikey, you’re in the middle, so you’ve got to assist both Raph and I. You okay with that plan?”

“Yeah Leo, sounds solid.” Mike slipped one set of nunchaku out of his belt in preparation.

Leo nodded and paused just a second, before continuing. “Guys.” He put a firm hand back on the shoulder of each brother. He seemed confident enough but there was an undercurrent of pleading in his voice. He looked at each of them, his eyes fierce with command. “We have to do this–we have to bring him home.”

Raph reached up and placed a hand on Leo’s forearm. “We will, Leo.”

“Yeah.” Mike added with a sure smile.

Leo nodded. “Then let’s do it.”

**\----------------------------------**

Grabbing the collar of Don’s jacket, the man peered in around his neck. “Hah … pretty good costume, I can’t even see the seams.” He shoved the turtle back. “Hey. Why you guys dress up like big lizards, or whatever? How’s come you don’t do something like the comic books–like that Batman or something?” He kneeled down, trying to get a look at Don’s eyes. “’Cause I gotta tell ya, this getup don’t exactly seem too intimidating you know?”

His men all laughed at the joke. Donatello didn’t respond, instead keeping his eyes on the floor in front of him. The man speaking was the one they called Rikki, the leader of this little outfit. His appearance told Don that it had been no small task, getting to where he was. His face had several large scars across the cheek, causing the skin there to dent when he smiled. He was dressed in nice pants and a white, button-down shirt, which he’d undone the first few buttons of to show off a chest coated in various tattoos. 

“What’s the matter? You don’t like talking much, eh?” He gave Don a kick, causing the turtle to grunt. They’d worked him over pretty well before tying him up and Don’s body ached all over from their efforts. It didn’t matter. He didn’t feel it right now. “Those ninjas are gonna pay top dollar for you. Very nice for us. Probably not too good for you, though.” He grunted laughter, joined again by more around the room. “So how come they want you guys so bad? You must’ve really pissed ‘em off. That Saki fella’s got everyone in the city looking for you.”

Again, Donatello didn’t respond. Annoyed with his silence, the Yakuza man unleashed a series of punches and kicks, until Don collapsed at his feet, grinding his cheek into the dirty wooden floor in an effort to protect his face. The man crouched, leaning in close so that Don could feel his breath. “My boys tell me you were after one of ours–that idiot Johnny Chou. Now what do you want with a moron like him?”

Donatello coughed, spitting blood and saliva. “He killed someone close to me.”

_“Johnny?”_ The man called Rikki straightened up, erupting in laughter. “I don’t believe it. Johnny’s too stupid to get away with murder. He’s simple, you know?” The man put a finger to his head for emphasis, still laughing.

“Boss.” Another thug entered the room. “They’re here.”

There were words being spoken in the next room but Don only caught snippets. Though his hands were bound behind him, he managed to get back into a kneeling position. He refused to meet his fate lying on the floor like a baby. He was warrior dammit, and he wasn’t going to forget that. When Rikki returned, Don wasn’t surprised to see that he was accompanied by Karai. She was the Shredder’s deadliest and most trustworthy, and with him involved, there was no question that she would’ve been here in person. When she saw Donatello kneeled there, bleeding and submissive, she smiled a thin, cold smile.

“This is the one called Donatello,” she said, addressing Rikki. “He and his clan have shown great disrespect towards us for many years. My master will be most pleased.” She spoke a command word and a Foot ninja appeared, holding a briefcase. The ninja placed it on a desk there, opening it for the Yakuza man. “I believe you will find the payment more than generous.”

Rikki nodded. “Yes. Of course.” He bowed a little, nervously. Even with his own men standing around, Karai commanded a presence in the room. She seemed to emanate death itself, a fact that was not lost on any of them. Armed with only a single sword to their many guns, it was almost laughable how much respect they gave. Some of it had to do with her status but not all, Donatello knew. And he knew better than most, that they were right to fear her. 

She spoke another word and two ninjas came forward, grabbing Donatello on either side and dragging him to her feet. Slowly, Karai pulled her katana. “There will be no prolonging this, turtle. My master only requires proof of your demise.”

He hung his head, unwilling to let her see. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes, but not for himself; rather they were for the brothers he knew would never forgive this. He was so stupid. To get caught here, to avenge nothing, and now, to abandon his family like this. It wasn’t right. Don closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer out to them, begging forgiveness for his mistake. His executioner raised the katana high into the air and held it there, eyeing up her strike.


	14. Chapter 14

Something was wrong. The room was silent, the men standing around and holding their breaths waiting for the blow to come down. It never came. Instead, Don heard a noise above him, thick and meaty; the sound of a hammer hitting a side of beef. That noise was followed by a gasp, and then the _clink_ of metal as Karai's sword came down at her side, the tip resting on the floorboards rather than through Don's neck as intended. He looked up.

It was almost as if someone had dropped a grenade at Don’s feet, as the men all fell to the ground in a circumference around him. Three brothers were there with their backs to him, shielding him and laying to waste the foes that had been there seconds ago. Raphael had taken to engaging Karai, who, despite the shuriken sticking out of her shoulder blade, began putting up one hell of a fight. Mike went after the Yakuza men, few enough that he was able to drop them all before more than a couple of shots were fired. But it wasn’t to be that easy for them, as Leo had already surmised on the rooftop. Karai was uttering commands left and right and they could hear the signals being thrown out amongst the others, the call for backup spreading through their ranks like wildfire.

Leo threw Don’s bo staff on the ground at his feet. Slicing through a couple of men in suits, he saw his opportunity and whipped around fast, kneeling to the floor and attending to his captured brother. “Don, are you okay?”

Ignoring his brother’s question, Don responded anxiously. “You guys shouldn’t be here, this isn’t your fight! Raph and Mikey are hurt–injured for this very reason! Raph shouldn’t even be out of bed!”

Suddenly, Leo paused his action. Kneeling there in front of him, he grabbed Donatello by the shoulders. "Enough. None of us fights alone. We’re your brothers, Donnie-your clan. Your fight is our fight. _Always."_

“Leo …”

"Hold still." Leonardo cut the bonds at Don's wrists as he spoke. "When Mike got hurt, I blamed you for it. I was unnecessarily harsh as a result.” The ropes came free and Donatello immediately brought his hands around, rubbing at his wrists. Leo looked at him solemnly. “It wasn’t your fault. Forgive me, Don. I was out of line.”

Don swallowed, looking up at his big brother. “You don't have to apologize," he said. "But thanks."

Leo put an arm around Don’s waist, helping him up. “Can you fight?”

“Yes.” Don scooped up his bo and readied it. 

“Good, because I think we’re going to have a little trouble getting out of here.” He tensed and made ready to engage them.

“Leo.” Leonardo turned, pausing in his attack. “He’s still here. I have to find him.”

Leo stayed sharp, listening in on the battle around them, but took a moment then to study his brother. He didn't think it was wise to split up, but something in the way Don sounded convinced him to sign off on it. He nodded slowly. “Go. We’ll hold things down here.”

Don dipped his chin once, respectfully accepting his brother’s consent. He headed for the door. Having overheard a couple of thugs mention that the “cages” were downstairs, in addition to piecing together what the men in the alley had said, he deduced that Kame’s murderer might be located down there with them. There were dozens of men blocking the way however, and it was obvious that it would be no small task to reach the basement. But determination and renewed hope drove him and Don felt his strength returning. His brothers were here now. With them at his back, he felt unstoppable.

**\----------------------------------**

The world was swimming a little, but Raphael was holding it down. That’s what he kept telling himself in any case; just keep it together. This was for Don, and there was no room for error. Plus, now that the Foot were crawling in every available entryway to this building, they were all in deep. So no choice now but to fight and get the hell out. With Mike’s help, Raph had thankfully been able to dispatch Karai quickly. Her own injury had slowed her movements enough that she wasn’t able to defend accurately against the two of them together. After a few blows she’d backed off some, grudgingly retreating from this battle early. Even though she’d gotten away, Raphael found the sour expression on her face quite satisfying.

It didn’t, however, stop the lady ninja from ordering more of her minions into the fray. Before long, the large room they’d entered looked a lot smaller, filled to the brim with enemies. Raph leaned back, narrowly missing a steel claw to the face. A kick suddenly came from behind, hitting him in the back of his shell and sending him forward towards the floor. The claw-wielding soldier saw his opening. Raph couldn’t get his arms up to defend in time and if Mike hadn’t been close enough, it could’ve gone pretty bad for him. An inch away from burying itself in Raphael’s throat, the claw was caught mid-air by a nunchaku, its owner locking the blades in place and twisting the Foot ninja’s wrist around with a hard _crack._ Screaming, the ninja didn’t see the second nunchaku, as it effectively stopped the sound coming from him with another blow. Mike bent, sparing a hand to help his brother from the floor. 

“Thanks,” Raph muttered. Great, he thought. Rescued by Michelangelo. He was never going to hear the end of this one.

“Hold up. Did _I_ just save _your_ skin? You saw that, right?” Mike was beaming. This was too good. He ducked, slamming a shoulder into a Foot ninja and tossing him back into a few more. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.” He threw his head back, laughing like a madman.

“Alright, enjoy it while it lasts.” Raph, on his feet again, was engaging two more from his left.

“Man, wait’ll I tell the guys! Ooh! And Master.” Mike paused, dropping to the floor and lashing out at an unfortunate Foot ninja’s kneecap, exploding it beneath the wood of his weapon. “And April. And Casey! Aw, Casey’s gonna love it.”

Raphael sighed loudly, muttering, “Tell me why I decided to come with you guys again?”

“Obviously,” Mike said, in full sarcastic swing, “it was to give _me_ something to do.”

“Keep it up, Mikey, really.” Raph’s tone was a warning, telling his little brother that further teasing was now edging him closer towards the danger zone. Right now, it was the Foot paying the price, as Raphael lay into each one with a little too much emphasis in his attacks. Later, however–well, they all had to go home together at some point and Raph wasn’t exactly one to forget blows to his pride.

“Hey, it’s cool. You’ve got a little cut there and all, that’s probably what’s holding you back. I mean, it’s no _gunshot wound,_ but-”

“Alright, give it a rest, will ya?” Raph had had enough. With a guttural yell, he lifted a Foot soldier above his head, propelling the man into the crowd and barely missed taking out Mike in the process. 

Mike ducked as the man sailed over his head. “Jeez, okay! You made your point.” He studied his brother for a second. Raph was stumbling a bit, looking a little shaky after tossing that soldier. Mike threw a sideways glance at him, looking like he was trying to stifle a smile. 

_“What?”_ Raph barked.

“You’re still on drugs, aren’t you?” Mike let his grin fly, and it was going from ear to ear.

Raphael rolled his eyes. He was caught. _“Maybe_ I’m still feelin’ the effects a little. Remind me t’thank the ‘doctor’ after this one’s over.” He slammed a fist into an oncoming face, feeling things break there. “An' keep it down, huh? Leo don’t need to know.”

“Too late!” Leo yelled from somewhere inside the throng.

Mike broke into laughter. “Ah ha ha! Busted!” Raphael just cursed under his breath, throwing his frustrations into his next foe. 

Listening closely to his brothers’ interactions, Leo struggled to maintain some of his focus on the other. Donatello had disappeared into the stairwell a few minutes ago and Leo was getting worried. When he’d told Don to go find the man he’d been after, he’d never really intended to let Don out of his sight. His plan was to ease the situation here a bit, then split off from Mike and Raph to keep foes off of Don’s back. He could see that more Foot were entering the fray, the majority heading for the three of them; but now several had heard the sounds of fighting from below and were breaking off to join the others there. And on top of everything, he had the added problem of wondering if it was wise to leave Raph in his current condition. With the Foot currently thinning out, it looked like they were approaching a lull before the next wave. Leo decided it was time to act.

“Mike! To me!”

“Comin’ Leo!” Michelangelo stowed his nunchakus. Diving forward, he landed in a handstand, twirling both legs around in a spiral and knocking down a small slew of ninjas that had been standing there. In an instant, he was on his feet again with weapons in hand, kicking back a few more until he was back to back with his oldest brother. “What’s up?”

“I need to go after Don.” His blades went forward in unison, and one less ninja stood a second later. “How’s Raph? Can you guys handle this?”

“He’s okay, I think we’ll be fine.”

“Alright Mikey, I want you guys working in tandem. You stay close to him, you read me?”

“Loud and clear, boss.”

“Good. And I want to hear you, if you guys get into trouble, alright?”

“Oh, you will,” Mike joked at his own expense, “no worries there, right?” 

Leo wasn’t laughing, but he seemed satisfied with that answer. “Okay. When Don and I come back up, be ready to move.” With that, Leo leaped into the air, stepping onto the shoulders of a very surprised Foot soldier and propelling himself towards the entrance to the stairwell, using a few more Foot on the way as stepping stones. 

“You got it!” Mike shouted after his brother, turning his attention to the enemies Leo had left standing in his absence. There weren’t too many left here but Mike knew there would be more–there were always more. Foot soldiers were like a swarm of bugs, there was never an end to them. Mike wondered how The Shredder was able to get so many. He figured they must have one heck of a dental plan or something.

A loud grunt from Raphael pulled him out of his musings. Mike snapped to, looking off towards his older brother. Raph usually had more stamina than any of them, so it was odd to see the guy breaking down. But he was certainly looking spent now. He was breathing too hard and his movements were slower than normal. Mike bolted, putting himself at Raph’s side and feeling just a little bit guilty for poking fun at him earlier.

“Hey Raphie, you okay?” Mike was smiling as always, but the laughter was gone from his voice.

“Yeah. Just gettin’ tired.” He took a couple of breaths. His shoulder was soaked red again, the wound having broken open in the fight. He was keeping that arm pretty close to his midsection, using only the sai in his good hand for offensive purposes. “What’s up with Leo and Donnie? They alright?”

“Yeah, Leo went downstairs to help him out. Looks like it’s just you and me, buddy!”

Raph rolled his eyes, but he sounded optimistic enough. “Lucky me.” Wrenching his sai from the belly of another enemy, he looked up and saw the next wave approaching. He and Mike shared a quick look, each getting into their stances simultaneously to meet them. “Alright little brother. Let’s give ‘em hell.”

**\----------------------------------**

Donatello’s head was full. There were too many things going on in there for him to focus properly but somehow he making his way through the unending onslaught of enemies. The fight had been as intense as any; once the Foot had caught wind of their presence here, it seemed like the Shredder had just kept them coming. Looking around at the piles of bodies littering the stairs and surrounding floor, he wondered if there were any ninjas left at Foot HQ.

Once he’d gotten below the restaurant, he’d found a few more Yakuza men but they hadn’t put up much of a fight. With most of their kind gone, the remaining ones were scrambling to flee the scene, opting to let the turtles and the Foot hash it out on their own. Don wondered what had happened to their boss, the one they called Rikki. If he was smart, he’d probably scooped up the money and ran. Don didn’t think they’d see the return of any more Yakuza. If there was anyone in charge of this city it was Oroku Saki, and all of the other crime bosses knew to stay out of his business. 

There was, at a glance, no other exit from the basement area other than the one stairwell, so Donatello was confident that none would escape without his knowing. If he was here, then he wasn’t going to get past Don. As he plowed his bo staff into ninja after ninja, he kept his eyes sharp and centered on that exit, whispering his promise to her that he would not allow the bastard to escape him a second time.

Finally, things began to settle. The Foot had ceased coming into the basement for the time being, though he could tell from the sounds above that they hadn’t stopped their assault. One or more of his brothers was at the top of the stair, as evidenced by the occasional body that came tumbling down to join the others at the bottom. With the amount of blood spilling down around them, he guessed it was either Leo or Raph doing all of the damage. He looked around, catching his breath. For now, the fight here was stalled and it seemed unnervingly quiet. He searched through the few rooms here, but upon seeing no one, he began to feel that old despair creeping towards him again. He wasn’t here. Kameko’s killer had escaped him again.

Don stood with a hand on the stairwell, making ready to head back up in order to support his brothers when something stopped him. He could hear crying. It sounded like a young girl, wailing, her voice carried by some wind he couldn’t feel. He shook his head, trying to clear it. This couldn’t be happening; he was imagining it, for sure. The stress of losing Kame’s murderer had broken him, the exhaustion of these weeks had left his mind in shambles. He placed a hand to his head and grimaced, willing himself to get a grip. He thought it was working but–no. He looked up. No, there it was again. Stronger this time. It was coming from the far wall.

Dazed, he stumbled towards it, no longer in control of his feet. It’s not real, he told himself. It was a fabrication of his distressed mind, just a hallucination–

He saw it. There was a line in the wall, a crease. Incredible. The design was perfect, so well hidden; he would’ve stayed and studied it further if not for the necessity of the situation. Placing a hand on the wall there, he pushed and it gave way. It was a panel of only two by two, small enough to remain unnoticed by the casual observer but large enough for any average human to pass through inside. Immediately, a smell hit him. Dank and stale, it was not entirely bad, but stagnant. It smelled of humans, smelled of their sweat and something else. Something he wasn’t familiar with and it made Donatello very uneasy.

Cages. They said he cleaned the cages. Don saw them here, lining the walls, the metal bars flaking rust onto the dirty concrete below. They were big enough for a large dog. But the voice crying, sobbing from one of them in the far corner, was not the sound of an animal's cries. 

Donatello took in many things in that instant. When he pushed back the panel, he saw the cages, saw the girls in the cages, saw and knew right away exactly what was going on here. It was sickening, but he would deal with that later. Right now, he was focused on just one thing, and that was the man huddled on the other side of the small room.

Did he know? He was crouched there, looking at Donatello like he was Death come alive, and wasn’t that true in a sense? Or maybe Don was reading into it too much. Maybe the man was just startled, having not anticipated being found here. After having crawled in, he'd probably sat listening to the sounds of the brawl outside, assuming he was safe in this secret place. Regardless, Don entered the room as that imaginary incarnation in his own mind, descending on the man whose face he'd never forgotten in all of this time, the face that haunted his thoughts and dreams.

He didn't say anything as Donatello approached. Don walked towards him, not hurrying, his footsteps calculated and with purpose. When he spoke, it was even and sure and familiar, his words coming in a way that seemed rehearsed a million times before.

“Her name was Kameko Murakami,” he said. “You violated her, and you murdered her.” The man just stared up at him like he was a ghost. His one eye quivered, huge and watery. His fear was so much there that Don could almost taste it. Donatello pulled off his hood, facing his enemy bare. “Look at me. Look into the face of one who loved her, and know what you’ve done.” He stood, his chest heaving, letting it come. Letting the pain of so many years be there, showing this wretched thing, baring it all to this man cowered in the filth of this utterly abhorrent room. He’d shown his brothers. He’d shown his father. He did not have to speak, or tell this man a story. He showed him the true pain that had wrecked him, unmade him from the pure child that used to lie with her under the stars.

His staff came down once and the man cried out. “Please!” he begged, finally breaking his silence. “I’m sorry!”

“Shut up.” Don brought his weapon around again, slamming it into his jaw. The man began to draw himself into a fetal position, blood spilling from his busted mouth and seeping through the fingers he’d pressed there. The man sputtered and coughed, choking on the liquid. “Please,” he managed.

Don hit him again, this time in his ribs, hearing and feeling the crunch there. “Is that what she said to you? Did she beg for her life, as well?” His voice sounded detached. On the surface, it almost seemed devoid of emotion but there was such a storm underneath. Don wavered here in the eye of it, teetering on the edge of destruction. Again and again he struck, smashing the heavy, wooden weapon his father had trusted him to use. Again and again, he went for the man’s vital points, breaking and rending and tearing the things inside. Each time, the man screamed with impact.

_“I’m sorry!”_ he cried. He put his broken, bloody hands up in weak defense. “She was so pretty, an' I just wanted to talk to her ...” Don paused in mid-air, his staff poised but momentarily frozen. “I didn’t mean to kill her … she screamed loud, scared me, got my eye …” Tears began to stream down the man’s face. “I get confused ... I thought she wanted me to, but then she was screaming ... and it was like at Saint Josephine's again, when I heard the demons comin' outta Bobby and I tried to make him quiet." He dragged a bloody sleeve across his face, sobbing and slurring his words. "I was just tryin' to get her to be quiet ..."

“Monster,” Don breathed. “You’re a monster.” He raised his weapon higher and brought it down on the defenseless man again. He didn’t think, he just did it. Like a machine, a mechanical thing programmed to do this action. There were no feelings, no thoughts.

The thing at his feet struggled to speak once more. “… knew … knew you’d come … she said–the pretty girl–said you would.” He ground his cheek into the stone floor, wet now with a mix of his tears and blood. “Please … I don’t wanna die …”

Don looked one last time into the face of this man. He was disheveled and dirty, his hair greasy and unkempt. His bulbous face was so ugly; that one eye looking at him soullessly in its weird, milk-white blindness. Pathetic. It was the one word that summed up this person, this thing, if you could call it that. Just pathetic. Such a thing should be gone from the world.

Donatello, feeling possessed and not in control of his body, brought the wood down fast and hard. The man screamed but didn’t try to escape. Once, twice–he struck the man, turning the flesh underneath into a red pulp. Finally, there was no more crying, no more pleading. Just a near-motionless, battered body lying on the ground at his feet. Only one sound filled the small room now, the raspy, shallow breaths emanating from deep inside, the last semblance of life forcing itself out of the man’s lungs in painful, automatic breaths. Don steadied himself. He took his weapon and raised it one last time, whispering, “This is for you.”

“Don, stop! You’ll kill him!”

Donatello whipped around, his heart in his throat. He hadn’t been aware of anything else, let alone the sound of his brother entering the room. The storm broke. Stunned and finally aware of what was really happening, he flew forward in defiance. “So what? So what if I do! Tell me he doesn’t deserve it!” 

Leonardo looked hard into his brother’s face. “Is this what you want?” 

They stood there, looking at each other. They didn’t have to speak. They didn’t do this, didn’t operate like this. Donatello knew that. Forget his own personal reasons for avoiding death, the code of their clan didn’t allow for the death of a defenseless man. His brothers would never do such a thing. But here he was. And standing there, looking at his oldest brother and clan leader, he saw that Leo would not stop him.

He held his brother’s gaze for just a moment more, before turning. He raised his staff high, readying it for the final blow.


	15. Chapter 15

((I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to see.))

When she didn’t respond to English, he spoke to her in Mandarin, hoping he’d chosen the correct language. He held out his hand, bruised and discolored, to the sad, terrified little thing. She looked back at him, unsure. 

((It’s okay. You are free, now.))

Timidly, she reached out, taking his three fingers in her five. When they touched, it did something to the girl and she flew at him, hugging him as tight as her little arms would allow. She just kept repeating the same phrase over and over, _she-ay she-ay, she-ay she-ay …_

“It means, ‘thank you’.” Don sat there, scrawling in the dirt with a stick. “It was … it was a good thing that we did there. I feel like, I don’t know ... it made it more worth it. It went beyond me and what I wanted.”

Don looked out over their old training grounds from the top of one of the broken buildings. When Mike had suggested coming out to the “old site,” an abandoned manufacturing yard they used to frequent, he’d protested at first. The weather was still bitter enough to freeze them to death if they weren’t careful. But with a little encouragement he’d given in, after Mike agreed to wait for the tea to brew. Sipping from the hot thermos now, he thought back to some of those first training sessions here. Happy times, but a little stressful for his brother Leo, as this was the place Leo began his first topside training with them as their leader. He smiled, remembering how unsure of himself Leo was then and how much things had changed for him–for all of them–now.

Mike was right. Despite the cold, the fresh air felt really good right now. 

It hadn’t taken them long to get here and Don followed Mike’s lead, letting his little brother call the shots this time. It wasn’t hard to figure out that Mikey wanted to talk; he sometimes came to this spot to think when things got a little overwhelming for him. That didn’t happen too often for Mike, who rarely felt overwhelmed by anything. A week had gone by now since their fight at the restaurant. None of them had really talked about it much in that time and Don knew his brothers were trying to give him space, but he also knew that there was something unresolved hanging over them. And so here he was, giving in at last and letting his youngest brother pick his brain a bit. 

“So … why were they there? I mean, I know _why_ they were there, but uh … isn’t it weird the way they were locked up like that? I don’t really get it.”

Don wanted to ease his brother's fears, but the situation was a dark one. "They were slaves, Mikey. The Yakuza have long been known to purchase young, unwanted Chinese girls from their families for the purpose of selling them into prostitution. It's something that happens often overseas but to be honest, I was really surprised to see it going on here."

Mike looked down, shaking his head. “That’s so terrible.”

"I know. But look at it this way, we rescued the ones there. Those few will go off to better lives now. We helped to give them a real future." He gave his little brother a reassuring smile. "And, now that 'someone' tipped off the local news to that little activity, we're going to see a lot more police intervention going on down there. The mayor's gotten involved too, and you know once a politician's career is on the line, they expect results."

Mike nodded a little sullenly, not convinced. “Yeah, I guess. But dude, it’s so sad. I wonder about their parents, you know? Selling them to those guys … seriously, how can people even do that to their own kids.” 

“It’s a different culture, Mikey. It’s not right, I know, but these things take time to change. There are too many people there and the government doesn’t allow a family to have many children. And, unfortunately, there’s that old idea that boys are more valuable than girls. They are, in the sense that they can provide better for the family. That's of course a societal creation, not a biological one.”

“You mean that girls aren’t worth as much, 'cause they can’t get good jobs and make money?”

“Pretty much. You have to remember, many people there are suffering in dire poverty. There are things that happen in parts of the world that are unfathomable to us here. Even us,” he said, trying to give his brother a smile. “We’ve had to scavenge and take what we could get all our lives. But we’ve been lucky. Compared to most of the world, we’ve lived very comfortably. It’s more difficult for us to understand, perhaps.” He sighed. “Not that I wish to excuse such behavior. It’s a sorry thing,” he said, lowering his voice, “to be rejected just for the way you were born.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, until Donatello broke it. “Well,” he said, a little more lightly, “in any case, I have to admit I might never have thought much towards the struggles of the opposite sex, until I met Kame. And April, of course.” He smiled. “They both opened my eyes quite a bit to the plight of the female, in this world.”

“Yeah. April gets pretty hot under the collar about some stuff.” Mike shivered a little, sipping at his tea.

Don rolled his eyes. "Women don't typically respond well when you reduce them to objects of desire, Mikey."

"Dude, I already apologized a million times for that. Besides, it's not like I was wrong-her sister's stacked! I mean I don't get what the big deal is. It's a compliment." Another eye-roll from his brother brought a cheesy grin to Mike's face. "Okay, kidding. Makes ya wonder why she's so into Casey, though. That guy's such a nub."

“Oh I don't know. Casey has a good heart. He’s just kind of … slow. Opposites attract, I guess.” He chuckled softly. “But he looks out for her too. Casey would put his life on the line for her in an instant, and that’s no small thing.”

“For real. I get that. I, for one, _love_ the ladies. A real man’s gotta protect his women! That’s why I really train, not so’s I can wrestle with dudes all day. No offense.” Mike flexed, for added effect. 

“Uh yeah. None taken.” He shivered against the cold, pulling his scarf up a little. “Hey,” he said, changing gears, “it’s almost time for the news.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a small hand-held device. The gadget looked a little rough around the edges but after tweaking it (“tweaking” to Don, “hitting it and swearing at it” according to Mikey), Don finally got the channel up on screen. He’d been watching the news religiously since their fight and tonight was no exception. Really, none of them had missed a broadcast since and though Mike and Don weren’t aware of it, their two older brothers were at that moment both seated in front of the television at home, watching the same channel.

The screen buzzed and crackled a bit but the sound and picture came through well enough. Don held the device out so that Mike could watch too. After a few run-of-the-mill stories went by, the newscaster started in with what they were waiting for.

_"A follow-up to a very odd story we broke to you last week, about a man who was left bound and gagged on the doorstep of NYPD precinct 34 in Chelsea. The man had a note pinned to him stating, 'I am the killer of Kameko Murakami, check my DNA.' The name was indeed that from a tragic story five years ago. A young girl, Kameko Murakami, was found brutally assaulted and murdered just blocks from her home, in a local scrap yard. Her killer was never found._

_“That is, until today. NYPD has just revealed to Channel 6 News that the DNA of the man, one Harold John Chou, shown here, did indeed match that of evidence found at the crime scene. Chou was taken into custody this morning. So is this the work of what some claim to be a band of vigilantes running the streets of the city? Well, the story gets even stranger. When questioned, Chou stated that he was assaulted by several large talking frogs, and that they also happened to be-get this-martial artists. (chuckling) The DA has stated that she will seek the maximum penalty in this case, pending a full mental health evaluation."_

_"Wow. Talking frogs, eh?"_

_"I can't make this stuff up."_

_"He's going to have to try a better defense than that. Still, our hearts go out to the family and friends of this little girl. We can only hope that having this man behind bars will be of some relief to them after all of these years."_

_"We here at Channel 6 send our thoughts and condolences to them."_

_"Still to come, are there too many impurities in your drinking water? Scientists at the TCRI Institute for Human Advancement say yes. Stay tuned for that story and more when we return ..."_

Don switched off the small TV. He didn’t say anything. 

Mike looked over at his brother but Don was gone into his own world, thinking in double- or triple-time, way beyond Mike's own capacity. It must've taken a lot of effort for him though, since Don just froze in place when he went in deep like that. However, unlike other times, such as when he was working out some sort of mathematical problem, he still looked sad. And unless this was a most depressing math problem–not that Mike wouldn’t put it past his geeky brother to become genuinely upset over math–he knew it wasn’t the source of his brother’s trouble.

"Hey, Donnie."

“Hm.”

"Do you feel better now that um, that guy's in jail?"

"Oh, uh …” Don paused, taking a deep breath. "Sure, I suppose. It feels good knowing he won't be on the streets anymore."

"Yeah. But I dunno. You think we maybe should've, y'know, killed him or whatever? Instead of letting him go to jail? He would’ve deserved it, right?”

Don chewed it over. “I don’t know Mikey, it’s hard for me to say. Part of me thinks that any punishment–even death–is too good for him. There’s nothing that would justify what he did.” He shifted on the frigid concrete, trying to ease the ache settling in from the cold. "Another part of me pities him." He looked over at his brother with a strained smile. “What’s important is that he won’t be able to hurt anyone else, ever again.”

“He could like, escape or something."

Don gave a small laugh. "That's not very likely. You watch too much TV." His smile faded. “I don’t think he’d try anyways. I think he understands what he did.” A shadow passed over Don’s face. “He was … remorseful.”

Mike nodded, frowning. "But would you have like, been happier if we had? Y’know, if we’d just offed him ourselves?"

"Oh, I don't know, Mikey." Don leaned back, stretching, crossing his arms behind his head. "No, I don’t think so. Master was right. Revenge goes against everything we've been taught. We fight for defense, either for ourselves or for others. I knew that there was evidence enough to arrest him and put him away. Killing him would have been a personal vendetta." He frowned a little, but sounded sure. “I know I made the right decision.” 

"Yeah, I guess. So um …" Mike looked uncomfortable as he struggled with his words. “Are you like, all better now? You don’t really seem like it.”

Don looked over the ruins, letting his eyes dart around the shadows and hidden places there, imagining himself and his brothers sparring between the piles of rubble. This place wasn’t so unlike the junkyard, his other home away from home. Funny how they surrounded themselves with these dark, isolated places. He wondered offhand if it had an effect on their psyches. “I don’t know, Mikey. I guess I just miss her. I probably always will.” He looked at his brother, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, dude. I’m not trying to pressure ya or nothing. Leo says it’s just gonna take some time, right? He said you’ve been through a lot and things’ll get back to normal eventually.”

“Yeah. I’m sure he’s right.” But Don didn’t sound he believed it.

“Hey. You wanna know something?” Mike had a guilty look on his face.

“What’s that?”

"When you were telling us about Kame, I was kinda jealous." He grinned, looking like he was caught in the act of something. "I think about getting a girlfriend sometimes. Don't tell the other guys.”

Don smirked a little. "It's okay Mikey, I think we all do. It's only natural."

"Yeah, but I used to think about it a lot when we were kids too, just what it would be like to be around girls. Y'know, without even doing anything with them. Just hanging out."

"I know what you mean."

"Kame sounds like she was really cool. I wish I coulda got to meet her."

"I think she really would've liked you, Mikey." She would have too, he knew. She was certainly as bubbly and outspoken as his little brother and Mike would've adored her artwork. That thought brought a sudden pang of loss to him, right in that moment.

“Well … you got a lot of good memories of her, dude. And if you ever wanna tell me some more stories about her, that’s cool. I kinda like hearing them, actually.” He grinned, trying to encourage his brother to do the same.

It worked. Don had to smile a bit. If this life of theirs was a dark one at times, it certainly didn’t rub off on his little brother very much. You could always count on Michelangelo to lighten a mood, that was for sure. “Heh. Okay, deal.” Their conversation paused there for a few minutes. Don cast a glance at his brother and opened his mouth to speak, before shutting it again. He didn’t want to be a burden. Then again, Mike had brought him out here to talk. This was as much for Mike’s sake as his own. Steeling himself, he plunged in. “You know, I guess there is something else that bothers me.”

Mike pulled up his scarf, digging his face deeper into the cloth. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Well, I just can’t help thinking about her family–her parents, I guess. She was an only child. They must be devastated without her. I wish I could talk to them somehow, but … well, there’s no use worrying about it, I guess.”

Mike shrugged. “You could call them.”

“Huh? Oh. I don’t know. Too weird. What would I say?” Donatello let out a long sigh. “I don’t think I could do that.”

"Well, maybe you could just leave them a note or something, like a letter."

"Oh Mikey that's-" Don suddenly brightened. "That's ... a good idea." His hand went to his chin, thinking. "That's a _really_ good idea.”

“Hah, I know it,” Mike said, cocky. “I always got good ideas! You guys just never listen to me. I was telling Raph the other day, we should totally knock out that wall next to the kitchen and build a waterslide, but can you believe he thought it was stupid? I mean, c’mon– _waterslide!_ How fun would that be? I got it all figured out. I’m gonna bust out a corner of my room so I have direct access …” 

Mike kept talking but his brother was tuned out. A letter. Just something to let them know how much she meant to him. Yes, it was a good idea.

“- and it's better than a shower. You could totally make this happen, right? Hey, Donnie? Dude, are you listening to me? Hey! Earth to Donnie …”

**\----------------------------------**

He waited. He’d been there for hours and would’ve waited so many more. But it seemed that wasn’t necessary. When he first saw the lady exit the building, he knew immediately that it was her mother, for the resemblance was striking. His heart was pounding and he held his breath, watching to see what she would do.

A small, thin, Japanese woman bent on the stoop as Donatello watched, taking the slip of paper there. As she stood reading it, Don looked on, reciting the note in his head, having memorized each and every word there.

 

_To the parents of Kameko Murakami:_

_Let me first apologize if I’ve stirred up these difficult feelings all over for you again. I don’t wish to cause you more pain. Please forgive me, if I have done so._

_My name is Donatello, and I knew your daughter. I am writing this because I wanted you to know that Kame was the best and truest friend I’ve ever had and I want to thank you for bringing her into this world. She was such a great person, in every aspect. She always made me feel like I was special, but the truth is, it was she that deserved that title. She was so selfless and caring and she had so much passion towards the things that she loved._

_Though she was taken from us too soon, I can tell you that her short existence was not without merit. Certainly, her friendship has changed my life forever and for that I am so thankful._

_Thank you, thank you so much for her. I miss her every day, and I promise you that I will never forget her._

_Donatello_

 

The woman looked up. She pressed the note to her chest, cradling it against her heart. She scanned the darkness around looking for the one responsible for leaving the note, but though he was close, she wouldn’t find him. As she turned her head back and forth, searching, Don saw the glint of the city lights reflected in her eyes. 

He wasn’t exactly sure why he did it, why he felt the need to reach out them. He wasn’t even sure if he’d done the right thing. Maybe his letter only made it harder on them. He didn’t know. But he was drawn here by something, by a need to see them, the only other ones in her life that he knew loved her.

And so, for the next three nights, he perched in that same hiding place, watching the front door where Kame used to live. He wasn’t expecting a response. He just wanted to watch them come and go and see them in their lives for a minute. See how they were coping without her. He wanted them to be okay. 

On the third night, Donatello sat, watching again from the shadows. He was beginning to feel that this was wrong in a way, spying on them like this. He was debating whether or not to call it a night when the woman, Kameko’s mother, came out of the building.

She had something in her hand. As he watched, she opened the mailbox by the door and placed whatever it was inside. She then returned to the front door, pausing there and looking around in the same way she had done that first night, when she was searching for the mystery person who had left the letter. She bent over then, placing a slip of paper on the ground, using the edge of the doormat to secure it in the same place where Donatello had left his own note.

He waited until the lights of the small brownstone went out. When he was sure the coast was clear, Donatello crept along the street and inspected the doormat. Right away, he could see one word on the paper and wasn’t entirely surprised to find that it was his name written there. He didn’t bother hiding. He was clothed enough that someone would have to be pretty close to him to see that he wasn’t human and it was late enough and cold enough that the streets here were deserted. He sat there on the stoop of their home, the people he desperately wanted to communicate with, and read the note intended for him.

 

_Please excuse my english is not so good, it is not my first language, but it is my hope that you will understand my meaning._

_Please for you to know that Kameko’s father and I are so grateful for your letter, we read it many times and cried for our little one again, in that way we have many times since her death. But we are glad to know these things and I do not doubt the truth of your letter._

_Kameko spoke always of the friend she see at the junkyard place, in the year before she passed away. I was sure she was making a story like she was happy to do with her drawings. I did not meet you, she said you were shy, so I think that maybe you were story of hers because she was not accepted in school by other children. I was always sad for her because we could not have other children. I did not want her to be lonely._

_It was a good year this one before she died. She spoke of her friend (you) as kame, like her. I do not understand what she means when she says this, but children are filled of imagination, so I do not ask her. Kameko was troubled in school and with other children and I worried for her much. But this is not true before she died, she was so happy every day. I know now that it was because of you, and I am so happy that you were in her life._

_We had the phonecall from the police telling us of the man who killed her. They say someone, hero, beat him and give him to the police. When I hear this, I know it is you in my heart. You did not say in your letter, but I know when they called that it was this friend Kameko tell us about. I remember her story of you, that she knew a boy who was fighter, strong and protected her. I do not know of a different person who would do this. And now that you write to us, I am sure. I see that we are not alone in our sorrow._

_It is a small gift for the good you have done but please take Kameko’s art book. It is a great and special thing for memories of her, it was her thing she loved the most, and I know she will want you to have it. I put it in the mailbox and I hope that it finds you._

_Kameko talked so much of you with so much happiness. Dear Donatello, please have our thanks for bringing brightness to her short life. And so much thanks for your letter, it has given us an easier feeling in our hearts, in this place that is forever empty without her._

_Bless you and thank you. You are welcome always in our home, Donatello, friend of Kameko._

_Kumiko Murakami  
(Kameko’s mother)_

 

Donatello looked up at the mailbox, the page in his hands quivering slightly. He rose, opening the small metal door and reached inside.

It was there. Gripping it so tight in both hands, he could hardly believe it. It was her book, the one she shared with him all those nights, drawing and laughing and showing him her innermost secrets. He hugged it to his chest, dropping back down on the top of the concrete stair and cried. He stifled the sound as best he could but the tears flowed hard and unfettered. It wasn’t the first time he’d cried for her but nothing had felt quite like this. It was freeing. Donatello sat there for several minutes, rocking back and forth, feeling both overwhelming amounts of joy and sorrow. “Thank you,” he whispered over and over to them, _“thank you, thank you, thank you …”_


	16. Chapter 16

“What’s the matter?”

Kame was frowning, looking into her drawing book. “It’s this page.”

Don kicked his feet absently, letting them dangle over the edge of the lookout. The night was nice and cool and they were sharing a moment here on the ledge of the bowl, an unusual spot but fun nonetheless. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Look.” She turned the book around, showing him.

“It’s blank?” he said, confused. Was he missing something here?

“Exactly. It’s the last page of the book. I’ve been saving it for a big piece. I figured I’d do something really grand, y’know? Finish it up with a bang, before starting on a new book.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Weeellll …” she said, disgruntled. “I dunno what to do. It’s like, too much pressure. The more I think about it, the more stressed out I get. It’s weird.”

“So it’s like, ‘artist’s block’?”

She giggled. “Yeah! Totally. I’ve been sitting on it for a week. I can’t stop thinking about it. I got in trouble yesterday in class for daydreaming, because I was thinking about it so hard.”

“I can relate to that.” Don sighed, smiling. “At least when you zone out, you don’t get bruises as a result.”

“Ha. Not unless I fall outta my desk, I guess.” She looked up, contemplating. “Might happen, actually. This thing’s becoming my white whale.”

“So should I start calling you ‘captain’?”

“Pssh. _Hardly._ Get it, though? White page, white whale?" She laughed again. "Seriously, though? I’m a little afraid that when I do take this thing down, it is gonna take me with it.” She sighed.

“Don’t sweat it. I know whatever you do is going to be great.” He grinned wide at her, and she could see he meant it. 

“Thanks. I need the encouragement.” She sighed again. “Sometimes I think you’re the only one that likes my drawings at all.”

“What? I don’t believe that. I thought you didn't show these to anyone else?”

“Well no, not these specifically. This book is mine. But I do stuff in art class all the time, only my art teacher hates everything. I don’t know why. I think some of the stuff I do is good.” She pouted. “I think he’s out to get me.”

Don laughed. “That sounds a _little_ paranoid. Still, I have to say that a teacher is there to teach, so if he doesn’t feel that you’re learning, then he should probably take a closer look at his curriculum. I mean, you’ve obviously got the interest. And the skill.”

“Yeah, I guess. But if he keeps giving me bad grades, I’m doomed. I’ll never make it into a good college, and I’ll never go on to be a great illustrator!”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. I think your portfolio will speak for itself.” Oddly, Don sounded really down as he said it.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

He laughed that small, embarrassed laugh of his. “Oh! Nothing. Forget it.”

“C’mon. What is it? Did I say something?”

“No! I mean … well, it’s just that ... it’s stupid.” He shook his head a little. “I guess it’s inevitable. You’ve got a whole life ahead of you. You’ll go to college, get a job … get married, have kids. It’s um … just life.” He swallowed, letting out that small laugh again. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” She sounded really sad. She put an arm around his shoulders, looking off into the city. _“I’m_ sorry, Donnie. Sometimes I forget you’re not just a regular kid, y’know?” It was a hard subject, one they didn’t breach too often. Don wasn’t human, of course he was never going to live a normal life like she would. “But hey,” she teased him, “what’s with all this ‘getting married and having kids’ stuff? Who says I’m destined for that? Just ‘cause I’m a girl, I gotta aspire to make babies or something?” 

He smiled, shrugging. “N-no, it’s not that. It’s just–you know, what normal humans do, I guess.”

“One thing you oughta know about me by now, Donatello,” she said, putting her hands on her hips, “is that _I_ am not your average human. My best friend is a mutant ninja turtle, for crying out loud.” She paused, laughing with him. “Maybe after college I’ll just move into the sewers, huh? We can be neighbors.”

“Your parents are going to love that.”

“Ha! I can just see the look on Mama’s face. But hey, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I have to go to college, I want to. But after that, who knows?”

“I’ll miss you.” 

She looked a little startled at his admission but it made her smile. “I’ll miss you too. But I’ll come back, I promise. Hey, and you know what? You’ve got nothing to worry about. I mean, you’ve got like, a big ol’ family to keep you company, right?”

“Yeeeaah,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Come on. I’m flattered you think I’m so great, but seriously Donnie–you’re really lucky to have them. From all the stories you tell me, it sounds like they really care about you.”

“Yeah. They do.” He pictured them all, then. He thought about Mikey, who was always good at making him laugh, who was so easy to please. He thought about Raph and Leo, his big brothers, always there to look out for him. And he thought about his master, his father. A kinder and more caring adoptive parent he did not think existed in the world.

“Friends come and go, right? But you always got your family.” She sighed. “In a way, you’re kinda lucky, you know? Someday I’ll have to leave mine behind and do … something with myself. It’s sad. But you guys, you don’t have to worry about that. You might not have much, but you got the best thing there is. You got each other.”

He looked at her, smiling wide now. “Thanks Kameko,” he said.

She returned his smile, but there was something more in her eyes. “Huh.”

“What is it?”

A little deviously, she said, “I think you just handed me my harpoon.”

**\----------------------------------**

Everything was shaking. Donatello opened his eyes, looking around suddenly, both stunned and confused with what he was seeing. Michelangelo was there with his hands on him, the perpetrator of the small earthquake that had forced him to wake.

Looking somewhat relieved, Mike said, “Donnie, you okay?”

“W-what?” He mumbled, sitting up. It was a dream, just a dream. A dream of a memory–a fond one, one he’d almost forgotten until now. Where was he? He blinked a few times, taking in his surroundings. Oh, that was right. He’d come back here, to his and Kame’s lookout. He must’ve fallen asleep up here. He looked at his brother, a little dumbfounded.

“We um, got worried about you. You weren’t answering your phone. We thought you might be here.” Mike looked uncomfortable, like he was intruding.

“Oh, uh,” Don said, sitting up the rest of the way and rubbing his eyes. He was starting to get his bearings. “I’m sorry, Mikey. I didn’t mean to pass out up here.” He sighed, reaching over and grabbing the sketchbook. He rubbed his arms, trying to get circulation back. He’d fallen asleep under a few of the dirty blankets up here, but it had hardly been warm enough. “What time is it?”

“About three-thirty, going on four.”

Don’s eyes went wide, his sluggishness gone in an instant. “Oh, jeez! I’m sorry–you guys must’ve been worried sick!”

“It’s okay. We figured you just wanted to be alone, but … well, it’s not exactly _warm_ out here, so we came looking.” He bit his lip. “Um, I’ll leave you alone now, if you want. Just let us know where you are next time, okay?” He stood to leave.

_“You might not have much, but you got the best thing there is.”_

“Mikey–wait.” Mike turned. “Uh, I know it’s late, but um … if you don’t mind, I have something I’d like to show you.” He gripped Kame’s book tight, looking at it affectionately.

Mike’s face changed instantly. “Sure! Hey, I been sleeping so much lately anyways, I’m actually bored with it.” He gave a look to the bandages that were still wrapped around his arm, indicating that his injury was the cause. “But uh, I better let Leo and Raph know you’re okay, they’re down below.” He started for the side of the enclosure, making ready to hop back over.

“Hey Mike.” His brother turned back around. “Just tell them to come on up too.” He smiled. To his brother, he looked genuinely happy. For the first time in a very long time, it seemed like the old Donatello was sitting there again.

“Okay!”

Mike shouted for the others and minutes later all four were seated in a circle, in that special place, the secret that Don and Kameko had kept so many years ago. After they marveled at the construction of the place and the artful graffiti that adorned the walls, he bade them focus their attention on the book in his lap. Page by page he went though, showing them the drawings. They laughed and talked, passing the book around. Most of all, the three listened while Don told them stories of watching her draw, keeping her company and helping her find inspiration while she doodled. These were good stories, happier times. For this book was representative of their happiness; there were no bad memories in here, only the things she loved and the times they shared. 

And as the sun rose in the chill of that morning, he shared with them the final page. There, they saw what was easily her finest work, a full-page piece which was illustrated with more detail than any other drawing in the book. Looking upon it, each brother found himself speechless. The border of the page was made to look like an open book, so that the illustration inside was on its pages; a book within a book. Very small in the background, a large winding bookcase could be seen, stretching into the distance and off the sketchbook page, seemingly into infinity. The scene depicted within this book of fantasy was a happy one and the sight of it filled Donatello with a joy he hadn’t felt in many, many years.

They were all there. It was uncanny, how well she’d gotten the resemblances down, having never actually met any of the rest of them. Donatello understood now, why she’d shown a sudden interest in his brothers’ features in those last days, sketching them and practicing with his input guiding her. He’d just thought her curious, never guessing that there was a motive behind it.

Now he could see why, and of course so could they all. His brothers, their initial stupor forgotten, were instead now talking excitedly and pointing out details on the page. She’d drawn them as they were–kids then, pre-teens, but it was almost like looking at a photograph of that time. Even Master Splinter was there, another amazing rendition of the real thing. As Don looked again at the page he took it all in, his heart swelling with both the happiness of that time with her and the sorrow of her absence. She’d drawn this specifically for him. He thanked her silently and deeply for it, because throughout his long struggle, in spite of all they’d been through, it was this one small thing, this wonderful drawing of hers that somehow made it all better.

On the page was a full scene of the great outdoors, in what looked to be springtime. She'd made the setting a night scene, complete with a full moon and a sky filled with stars. The light grasses and trees looked sharp enough to be the real thing, in addition to the shallow stream coursing along the bottom of the page. Mike, Raph and Leo were all drawn near the water. Mike was standing in it, his feet hidden up to the ankles. He was leaning back with a pair of muddy hands over his midsection and laughing heartily. Some distance away was sitting a very grumpy-looking Raphael, who was frowning with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He had a large splash of mud over one eye and half of his head. Leo was there as well, standing tall with his own arms crossed. Leo looked as though he were trying to stifle a smile while still maintaining his demeanor, a look that defined him in this picture as well as it ever did in life. Beyond this little scene was their master, seated in meditation upon a large boulder. One eye was half-open, looking towards the three boys. A tiny smile curled up one side of the old rat's mouth.

And there, seated on a small hill looking down over the others, was Donatello and Kameko. Don was seated next to her, pointing up at the sky, telling her things about its contents. His likeness was the most striking of them all.

But Donatello hardly noticed. When his eyes went to that place in the drawing, he only saw her. It was the most amazing self-portrait, how well she was able to capture herself was beyond his comprehension. Right down to her body language, she’d even managed to replicate her own, unique facial expression that Don was sure only he’d seen; happy, carefree and a bit silly, but with that spark of wisdom that went beyond her young years. The version of himself sitting next to her looked very happy to be there.

The real Donatello looked around the circle, at each one of his brothers. His clan. The guys that put their lives on the line for him every chance they could. It had taken him a while to see it, but now he understood. 

She was showing him, in her picture. Even in death she was still telling him the same thing, showing him how lucky he was to have them all. She was right. He studied his brothers now, taking in their elation and realized: it wasn’t the book they were suddenly enthusiastic about, it was him. Where he’d seen nothing but looks of concern amongst his brothers in these last weeks, their overexuberance now gave away their shared sense of relief. Donatello shook his head slightly. _Your fight is our fight._ It’s what Leo had told him, just moments after Don had been saying silent goodbyes, accepting death at the hands of Karai. But of course those words held true in all things, not just on the battlefield. The evidence of that was right in front of him; here in the early hours of morning, even though they had to be freezing, each one of them looked as though they wouldn’t rather be anywhere else.

_Thank you,_ he thought. He looked at the drawing of the two of them again, content to have this piece of her, happy that she’d been a part of his life. Happy to have memories of Kameko under the stars.

Running his finger over it again, Donatello read her inscription at the bottom of the page.

I love you, Donnie.  
With you forever,  
Kame.

 

**\----------------END----------------**

  



End file.
